大作文求批

dxnck206

前天的考试，大作文，不好搞，感觉中文都不好写，写的一塌糊涂，今天重新写了下，希望哪位有空的牛人可以帮俺看看，不胜感激：）



In many countries, some people think the punishment of not allowing those students who behave badly to return to schools is the best way to the problem. Other people, believe there are much better solutions to that problem. Discuss both views and give your opinions.



In order to punish some students who have committed something bad, refusing them to stay in schools is considered as the most effective way by some authorities. Personally, I, like other people, believe there should be some much better substitutive solutions.



Closing school doors to badly behaving boys and girls for ever, are probably supported by some people basing on two reasons. First of all, compared with other discipline, it can exert a lifelong impact on those students. Students who receive such punishment would probably not take bad action any more, because they have learned the fact that they have do pay for what they had done if they did not obey some rules. Another important reason is a deterring effect would be put on other students who are probably likely to copy bad behaviours; as a result, such punishment would prevent them from becoming followers.



Other people, however, argue that there exist other solutions that can discipline delinquents without dooming their educating lives. Community work, for example, has been taken by many countries and has received wonderful effects, because it can penalise those students to some extent and does not disable their roads to the schools entirely. Suspension, also, can function as effectively as community work does. After being isolated from schools for a certain time, children are more likely able to cherish the chance of staying in the schools and conduct properly.



In conclusion, I think the students who do harm to others should deserve some types of punishment and we cannot forget to leave chances for them. The punishment is just a kind of education methods for students, so it cannot cut off the road to their education when functioning.

空幻的粉丝

我觉得写得不错，没有让人看着不舒服

牵手共你看

也就是LZ真正写的不是这个水平，但是拿到6了~
相信本篇分数会更高的~

dxnck206

跟Hohona等各位汇报一下，这次作文6分，不过已经超出我预料了，如开贴所说，当时写的一塌糊涂，自己估计是5-5.5分。如果真的是像开贴的作文，也许有人不赞同，我估计会有7分（自我感觉良好下，呵呵）。最近没时间，过段时间再来。谢谢楼上各位帮忙，祝好！

[]

benz在路上2008

最多6分吧

无名指de孤单

俺的作文水平实在一般，不敢随便评论。
不过感觉LZ还是遵循了论坛上两大作文牛贴的建议，很少采用一，二人称（除了结尾段，其实结尾段的应该也能避免哈），连词尽量放句中，看起来的感觉确实还不错呢~
LZ能否在拿到成绩之后给大家说一声，看到底是多少？

aasnj9048f

剑6里有一篇阅读，说的是如何激励员工使企业更好发展，就是一共六招的那篇。我最近重感冒上火，眼睛很疼，看英文不舒服，作文就不点评了。但是建议楼主从那里看看这种关于奖励惩罚的东西，用词啊，思路啊，内容素材神马的。

兰色宝宝

看了第一段，“there are much better solutions to that problem”这个不能照抄，大忌讳。。。
你要表达这个意思，就要rephrase。

dxnck206

谢谢楼上各位热心指导，过几天lp要生了，这阵子俺的鸭子要先搁起来了，过阵子再回来请教各位 。祝好！！！

夕阳漫漫

其实不需要写那么多长句的，让人觉得读起来很累。你看书后面的例文，很少有长句，但读起来很舒服。