要考试了，大作文一篇，求估分，求批改。

enlalflow

离7分还有多远？？ 求大神指正。



Question:

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?



Essay:

Nowadays people purchase significantly more consumer goods than they previously did, and the high sales of popular items seem to continually increase. Although it is true that advertising is powerful enough to influence our consuming habits, I believe that the demands of customers also play an important role.



On the one hand, the successful marketing and advertising of business companies are responsible for the increase in the sales of consumer goods. Many companies use advertisements to tell consumers that they have new products which can be used to replace their old ones, and the new arrivals are comparatively efficient and convenient. This definitely will boost the sales of these products, since companies consistently introduce new and better substitutions. On the top of this, the marketing of big companies are always so persuasive that they can convince more people to spend, and some advertisements will make customers realize their potential needs and consequently buy more goods than they normally do.



On the other hand, the customer’s essential needs are the real force that drives the market. If people do not need new products, I think it is hard to persuade them to pay extra money for things that are useless for them. Actually, we do need basic necessities to make lives comfortable and convenient, and it is necessary for us to improve our living standards by using new products that are more technically advanced. For example, it is reasonable for a household which already has television to entertain and receive information, to buy computer and gain access to internet in order to get more engaging entertainments and obtain news more quickly.



In conclusion, I agree that advertising has a significant influence on customers, but the real needs are the first consideration that comes to people’s minds when they are trying to buy something.

zgmhf

6分，

简单

官方评分标准中，词汇这个评分项对7分要求是：能够使用 less common and idiomatic words。没有这个特征，在词汇这项你永远只能拿6分。而雅思写作和口语的7分，是要求4个评分项都拿到7，如果是3个7加1个6，那就是悲催的6.5。

要考雅思，首先要熟悉评分标准，然后有的放矢强化练习。光靠自己猜，很难有提高。

1.句話旳溫馨

TR:5 CC:5 V:6 G:5-6
total: 5-5.5

TR:没有完全扣题 对extent 的表述不够 例证不够充分
CC: 例子无法完全切合观点，连接词不够精准
V: 有个别词用的比较恰当， 小错误太多 中式英语严重
G: 单复数等错误较多， 重句冗长。

yhwwvjlp

以下为个人观点，如能有帮助之处则好，如果没有，请见谅并忽略本帖。

Score: 5.5~6

从语言本身来说，lz有6以上水平，但本篇没能得到6以上的分数，我的理由Task Response丢分较多，包括审题不到位、观点不清晰、结构有失误、论证不是特别充分。

审题：题目的本质是要论证广告对人们购物多少有没有影响，因此论证的重点如果放在广告的影响大小、影响哪些方面就更好了。
观点：lz的观点是客户需求是驱动购物多少的主要因素，如果能直接回答广告不是影响购物多少的主要因素就更清晰了。
论证结构：on one hand...on the other  hand  lz用反了，lz将这个用法理解为“虽然/尽管...但是”了，但事实上应该是“一方面...另一方面”或者“......但是......”，而且on the other hand后面表达的内容通常是次要的、补充性的、或者不是你支持但又不能忽略的因素等等，而lz将自己不支持的论据放在了前面，而论证自己观点的论据放在了后面，使得意思反了，让读者不知道lz的观点到底是什么了。
论证充分：无论是第二段还是第三段，lz更多的在叙述现象，而没有深入剖析其内在的原因，使得论证显得没有力量。

无论如何，祝愿lz考出理想成绩。

分分合合1

同意chenyj0115，on top of 印象中是偏口语化的词

忘记或纪念

我记得应该是 on top of that 吧
而且这个在口语用得比较多，不适合书面。

enlalflow

好久没上论坛了，前几天一直上不来。 本人一雅已经考，成绩listen:6.5 read:7 write:6 speak:7
非常感谢楼上几位的关注，特别是menokino的观点。
我感觉我大作文的水平应该在6.5，至少比6高一点。因为第一次考雅思比较紧张，小作文写的真的不是一般烂，写了20几分钟，而且错误很多（没来得急改），估计小作文上6的可能性极低。那么大作文极有可能就是6分之上了。
此外，我不认同大家对大词的看法。我认为词无大小，区别是用的准不准而已，当然我自己很多时候用的不准，或者很多语境里找不到合适的词用，于是限制了水平。不过我写作水平只限于6分，观点不一定可靠。

h834cw12z

5.5..............

07z3v8r0q

我感觉6.5没问题