12.7 g类大作文，6分，回忆，望轻喷

妞妞的小背心

大作文科技让越来越多人可以长寿到100,200岁，这是好还是坏，你的观点？



In the context of technical development, a growing number of people are expected to live longer. Some individuals believe it is good, whilst others concern about it. In this essay, this phenomenon will be discussed.



Those who think it can cause problems may hold the view that the soaring number of elderly people would be a heavy burden of the society. That is mainly because the welfare of these elder people will cost considerable money, and the youth will have to pay a lot of tax to support this public welfare. As a result of that, the living quality of young people will be impacted negatively.



On the other hand, others who believe this trend is a good thing might argue that the youth can learn a lot of life experience from the growing number of old people.  This is due primarily to the fact that these old people may have much more experience than young people. If the senior citizens are willing to share their experience, the youth would be more mature. Therefore, these young people are more likely to adopt to a new environment and less likely to make mistakes.



In my opinion, the increasing number of elderly people enables people to have a whole family. Therefore their feeling of well-being will be raised. In contrast, in the past, people could not live as longer as they do today, so some people could not even see their grandparents. They might more or less feel a loss of their life. Being able to see more family will help people lead a happy life, and this is particularly important in countries where people place emphasis on family members.



In conclusion, although there is a concern of the growing number of elders, I believe it will bring more benefits.



可以看见，lz考试的时候觉得这题很简单，写in conclusion 的时候正好监考说 还剩下20分钟，后面20分钟全部用来检查了，可是考完和GF（同时考试最后GF作文7分，虽然她福利拼错了）讨论后才发现，题目没看完整，完全忽视了 科技，一次也没提到，大家想考7 真心建议题目先审 5分钟再下笔! 题目里每个名词和每个动词都很重要！！！



ps： a good thing我知道 用的很遭，我看过这篇  http://www.localau.com/thread-968114-1-1.html ，但是题目是这么写的我才大胆的抄下去的！：）

15月牙

这个倒是提醒我了,我没打算写那么复杂的句子,一篇文章里有个把句子出彩就不错了,不过看范文,那些句子确实流畅,不会不知所云,而且比较少用难词大词

妞妞的小背心

她回忆不了了～没过的人才会各种回忆各种找错～过了就没动力了～

ibyqhp7330

能否把你女朋友的作文贴出来给我们看看？一比较就知道问题在哪里了。

妞妞的小背心

刘洪波 said I quote “高分文章一定是考官看了一拍桌子‘好文章！’而不是 一拍桌子‘好语法！’。” 我从来没有试过小姨那套，但是我觉得为了写复杂句而写复杂句，作为一个母语是中文的人，肯定会乱掉，雅思的第一要务是能够把事情说清楚，然后才是词汇，复杂句只是为了把事情说清楚的一个手段（为了说明原因用原因状语从句because或者due to，或者therefore，为了说明结果用结果状语从句，提到两样东西并列用and，加上为了说清楚一群人的动作用的定语从句），复杂句不是目的，更不是主要考核指标（四大评分标准的GAR——语法准确度和宽度，语法宽度只有1/8的权重，唐突的加小姨那些天外飞仙的的句子，会影响整篇文章的可读性的；并且我觉得前面那些括号里的东西都有的话，GR已经不低了）。你可以看看这考官写的范文 http://ielts-simon.com/ ，我只能说这是我参考各路神仙，对比各种理论后，个人理解的雅思写作，你也可以减持小姨那套，我也确实认识有个同学用小姨那套得了一次7分（口语没过），但是那同学据我所知大部分时间都是在挣扎得～

纯_黒\sè

我倒是觉得楼主的词汇量还是可以的,至少有的词我是永远想不起来用的.

估计我是看甚小咦的书看的吧,他对于超拽的句子有分析,比如一个句子里面有主动被动的转换,定语从句前置后置之类的比较,

不过对于一般的作文来说,总是if ... would...,或者通篇都是短句子的,未免觉得单调一点.

妞妞的小背心

说得好，我是站在你一边的，我也没有提科技，要是出分前有人说非得提到科技我也会这么问的；但这是和我同一天考试的GF看了我还原的作文后告诉我的～我们一起考她得了7我只有6～因为分低，所以不得不服～

妞妞的小背心

当然你的目标是8的话，又是一个新系统，考的是词汇量，要求用词“又准又狠”，一旦为了狠而放弃准，直接会掉到6分以下，单纯准的话，会掉到7～建议方法是拿一本纸制的英文版的oxford advanced learner's dictionary，遇到有意思的词，查例句和collocation。

jswdw985

为什么说没提到科技就是跑题？科技让人可以活到1,200岁，只要谈活这么久的利弊就可以了吧？跟科技好像不搭界嘛

妞妞的小背心

一切语法错误都是出在尝试用难长句失败，7分其实是刚及格，就是4个评分标准都没有大错或者很多小错，恬不知耻的说一句，这个作文要是没离题（很容易，body段每段多写一个science makes），这就是一篇7分的作文。原因，我女朋友平时我们互相改作文，她和我用的几乎是相同的系统，考前就复习了一周，考后回忆还说welfare拼成了wellfare，最后她作文得分是7。