冲7作文求批改

9304013cpk

Some people believe public transport should be in charge of free. Do you think the advantages are more than disadvantages?



Some people think that public transport should be free of charge. From my perspective, I believe that the disadvantages of free public transport far outweigh its advantages.



Vehicles without regular maintenance may put passengers at risk of terrible accidents, which could injure them or even kill them. If public transport could not make money from service, it may lead to insufficient funding for repairing and maintenance. Gradually, parts of vehicles are out of date and could not work properly. Finally, it becomes a potential risk, which may cause dangerous accidents when vehicles run in streets. In addition, it has a negative effect on the quality of people's life. Free public transport means that the service has to rely heavily on government's subsidy. The expense of maintenance and cost of employees are all paid by governments. However, these money is raised by tax. If public transportation becomes free, it will definitely increase the financial burden on taxers. Consequently, they have less budget for necessities or basic needs, which could lead to the decline of their well-being.



Some people may argue that they could save some money if they do not have to pay for the transport service. It is true that they can get some benefit from it. However, in comparison to the risks of accidents and tax burden, the benefit is far too little.



In conclusion, I believe free public transport has more drawbacks than benefits because it poses a threat to people's safety and put a heavy financial burden on taxers.

汉堡家族

其实蛮简单的，你可以想想你写的这一段要论述什么和什么的关系。比如你要说明自由的教育方式对创造力有好处，你要讨论的两个事物就是a教育方式，b创造力。然后把这两点具体化，a就具体化为一个采用自由化教育方式的国家，比如美国，b就具体化为一个创造力得以显现的领域，比如电影。那你举例就是，美国等推行自由化教育的国家往往有更高的电影创作水平。然后接下来一句话解释，为什么自由化的教育对电影的创造力有帮助

雅思的论述一定都是论述两个事物之间的关系，所以只要找到这两个事物，你就能确定你的例子了

9304013cpk

谢谢，你看的很仔细，论证逻辑和举例确实是我的两大痛处。
论证逻辑我现在追随顾家北的ABC写法，希望能解决topic sentence的问题
举例，我一直不擅长，而且考试时间很紧，容不得多思考。不知道你有什么好的建议吗

fktw3544

（1）楼主的intro写的与原题太接近，这个会失分。
（2）第二段，上来就写车子需要维修，这个不是topic sentence，不是你最后要论证的点。 你要论证的点是免费公交会造成失修，所以第一句应该写这个意思。然后第二句开始再解释没有钱导致无法维修，无法维修导致安全隐患。这样才是英语写作的思路。
（3）然后，楼主写到影响生活质量，这个分论点太大了，针对行很弱。建议具体化并另起一段，论点改为提供免费公交并不能达到造福市民的目的。以为它意味着政府要抽税补贴，这样加重了税负，实质上又offset了免费公交提供的好处。
（4）advantage这一段完全没有展开，可以多论述一点，比如免费公交增加accessibility，是一种some for all的政策，减轻低收入者的生活负担。
（5）concusion其实写的很好，很具体很直接。
另外，建议楼主多用举例，少说理。楼主的语言功底如果纯说理的话还是有些吃力的，而且举例其实convincing。
这篇文章目前来看可能只有6分，具体到四个评分标准TR 6 ; LR 6 ; CC 5 ; GRA 7

eb2q0i3e1

逻辑自圆其说就好
但是第一条说没有资金来维护
第二条就说政府税收提供资金
有点打自己脸的赶脚

mumli361

加油，你底子挺好的，多看多练习，一定能拿7

9304013cpk

反复思考了很久，先不论逻辑如何，第一句这么写确实有点唐突，谢谢你的建议，也祝你顺利

9304013cpk

反复思考了很久，先不论逻辑如何，第一句这么写确实有点唐突，谢谢你的建议，也祝你顺利

多cc多漂亮

advantages是不是写得太少了呢

请批复

读起来不够通畅，另外建议LZ用词尽量不要重复，However出现3处了。。仅供参考。离7不远，继续努力。