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9#
发表于 2010-4-16 07:31:45
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来自： INNA
作文考了6分的人来凑个热闹，不敢说批，只是交流。
我在语感语法上还可以，构思、idea上不咋的，所以，就帮你润色一下句子吧，不过我的润色也只是一家之言，很多地方其实只是风格、习惯不同。
During the international economic cooperation of 21th centuries, the demand of higher foreign language ability is rising rapidly.
With the enhancement of international economic cooperation in the 21st century, the demand for stronger foreign language competence arises.
Despite the frequently communication worldwide, people still suffers from language barriers. Some figure out that kids should learn more than one kind of language as early as they begin to learn speaking. I agree with this opinion up to a point.
Amid the frequent communication worldwide, people suffer from language barriers. In light of this, some suggest that kids should learn more than one language, starting even in early childhood, maybe when they just started to learn how to speak. I agree with this to some extent.
Obviously, the language education today is falling behind in efforts to meet requirements.
Obviously, the language education today is falling behind in its efforts to meeting the demands.
However, a person who has learnt two languages at the very beginning could be better prepared for modern society, because of their outstanding multiple language skills.
这句感觉跟上一句的转折有点不太对，好像不能构成转折。
But still, it managed to demonstrate how a person with outstanding multiple language skills could be better prepared for the modern society.
In the first place, the learning speed of children is far more quickly than adults, especially in language.
So why start with children? 为了感觉连贯一点加了这一句。
In the first place, children learn far more quickly than adults, especially in languages.
This phenomenon can be partly attributed to the studying methods, while baby can take it easily in their own way which is a born talent.
This can be partly attributed to the way that children learn. They can take it in easily. It seems to be a born gift.
Next, if kids acquire two kinds of tongues, they may think as well as talk in both of them. They will become native speakers in these two languages.
Also, if children acquire two sets of tongues since early age, it is easier for them to think as well as talk in both of them, making them native speakers of both.
Furthermore, they can use these skills in many situations. For instance, someone who speaks both English and Chinese can survive in majority countries.
Furthermore, they can use these skills in many situations. For instance, someone who speaks both English and Chinese can survive in a majority of countries. （这句的逻辑和上文好像不是特别连贯，只改了a majority of）
At the mean time, it comes with strong opposition from others who argue that we are suppose to give our children a delightful childhood, we should not force them to learn such things. I think it is a duty to make our children adapt for the social needs. Unfortunately, lots of children in my country never access a foreign language, and even do not mention to use it. They just lose the chance to see the whole world.
However, opposition holds that children are supposed to have fun in childhood, so we should not force them to learn such things.
Nonetheless, I believe it is our duty to adapt our children to the social needs. And unfortunately lots of children in my country never have access to a foreign language, not to mention using it. They are denied of a chance to see the outside world. （其实没有学习外语也不是这些孩子不能see the world的理由）
As a conclusion, to learn second language as early as possible can bring great benefits to our children. We should provide more opportunities for them to join these foreign language surroundings.
It is therefore apparent to me that learning a second language as early as possible can bring great benefits to our children, and we should pave the way.
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