yrqin等高手请进，

rlar9003

等大家批作文喽，

rlar9003

Everyone should stay at school until 18. To what extent do you agree?

Nowadays, people give top priority to education and some people even claim that every single individual should study at school till they reach the age of 18. Reasonable as it may sound, I am not in favour of the point.

Firstly, the fixed age of leaving school may impair the development of certain groups of students, especially those talented ones. For instance, it is often reported that some prodigies finish high school study before the age of 12 or even earlier. As a result, they should have access to higher education. If they are kept staying at school, it is a waste of their precious time they should have spent exploring more profound knowledge and they may feel bored with easy school subjects to them.

Secondly, this conformity may deprive some of teenagers of the rights to embark on their career earlier. There is no doubt that some of students from low-income families or other disadvantaged groups tend to work before 18, at 16 or 17, to help support the family. Meanwhile, exceptional talents show their interest in running business in their early age and their parents back them up in the course of career development ahead of the age of eighteen.

However, the obligation of studying at school till 18 is of great significance in those under developed countries in particular, for it ensures poverty-stricken students enough schooling, which plays a vital role in the life of the individual’s and the society as a whole.

To sum up, fixed age of leaving school may damage the learners’ enthusiasm for learning or violate the working rights of some potential workers. If the age can vary accordingly, the flexible regulation may function better.

rlar9003

批，谢过，自己先顶

sgcpz708

说先声明一下，我从来不是英文写作高手  我只是了解雅思作文的某些方面信息的人而已。确切的说，对雅思（学术类）作文的要求大概了解得比较好一点。原因也不是因为我水平有多高，而是我在澳洲上了2个月的语言班，而其中的学术写作的老师讲课讲的很好，令我受益匪浅。如果能使我学到的知识和经验，给论坛里的某些tx带来帮助，那是我发帖的目的。无论如何，这些都只是雅思作文的一个方法或模式而已，好的作文当然不只是这种写法。

废话不多说。从我的理解来看，2#的作文三个主题段写的还是不错的，结构上符合学术作文的要求，句子衔接做得也不错。开头段稍微弱一些，如果能适当展开一些更好。结尾段最弱，To sum up这一句开始有点不知所云了。我老师教我的方法就是，从主体段的所有主题句或支持句里各挑出一些关键词，然后进行同义转换，再组装成一个句子（应该是一个复杂句，至少是个并列句）就可以了。

很凑巧，我上次雅思作文（2010.11.6）考的就是这个题目。这里多说几句，根据语言班老师教的方法，写作框架如下：
开头段大意：教育是推动人类社会进步的一个重要因素。世界各个主要国家，如美国，英国，澳洲，中国等都有针对年轻人的强制性的教育法规。有人认为每一个年轻人应该都呆在学校里。从我的观点看来，大部分年轻人都应该在学校学习，而部分的例外也是应该是许可的。
主体段1：主题句，对应开头段的我的观点，同义转换一下‘大部分年轻人都应该在学校学习’。接着列出了3个论点，每个论点后面有2~3句紧密相关（包括有力支持论点，每个论点要有力支持主题句，一定不能有大的偏离）的支持句。
主体段2：主题句，同样的，对应开头段的我的观点，同义转换一下‘部分的例外也是应该是许可的’接着讨论了2~3句话，切记在主题句范围内，越紧密越好。
结尾段：总结前文，再次重申我的观点‘大部分年轻人都应该在学校学习，而部分的例外也是应该是许可的’。由于时间关系，结尾段写的很苍白，仅仅同义转换了。

最后拿了7.5，抛开语法和词汇的评分结果，以上的写作框架（主要是通过结构和连贯性体现的）是非常符合雅思学术类作文的评分要求的。观点不必多新颖，我看我们很多的论点都是差不多的，但是怎么组织起来的和如何循序渐进地论述（连贯性）的，就有了不少区别了。我感觉你开头段再展开一点，结尾段在改进下，应该就是一篇不错的学术类作文了。