谢谢大家都对我作文的修改，我又写了一篇

啥地方框计算

首先，再次感谢大家对我作文的修改，总的说来我感觉可能还是语法错误过多，这原本不应该犯的错误。用电脑写东西太多了，所以到了手写反倒有时候失去了大局观。

注意到这个问题后，我又写了一篇。选了一个相对比较偏文科的题目。时间刚刚38分钟，并检查了一遍语法。刚好40分钟。很紧张。请大家有时间再看看？顺便往低了打个分，不用太多的鼓励。以批评为主。我敲进去的时候就已经发现了处语法问题，还是没能完全避免。但比起上次还是少了很多。



题目： Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree.



Title: Are Ads making us to buy more?





Advisement is not something new. The earliest form of advisement appeared several thousand years ago. When the ancient Romans wished to trade their commodities, they posted the information to some public bulletin boards. Nowadays, the advisements are increasingly becoming part of our lives in the modern society. We frequently seek related information when we are trying to purchase something. Some people, however, express their concerns, arguing that the advisements are making us to buy more than what is needed. This statement has its ground but, as far as I am concerned, there is no simple answer to this issue.

To begin with, it is natural that the demands for various goods will increase with the socienty progressing, which is an indication of civilization as well. It is greatly plausible to compare the needs of today with those one century ago. Today, more products are produced with a higher efficiency and people have a higher living standard which consequently requires more to maintain. We can’t say the human beings are becoming more materialistic. It is the ultimate incentive to making a better life while we are working diligently.

Secondly, the various advisements are effectively facilitating the goods exchange. In the modern society, the job responsibilities are becoming specialized to maximize the efficiency. As a result, nobody can live all by his own.  He needs to trade for all kinds of merchandises with what he owns to live. The advisements on all kinds of medias are playing a role of “middle man”, fast and effective. The advisements enable the costomers to compare between alternatives and make the most economical decisions. This essentially increases the buying power for everybody. If no advisements, we might have to pay much more to obtain what we get now.

However, everything comes with a cost. Necessary as the advisements are in our lives, the advisements do have a tendency of becoming overwhelming and even mixed with fraud products. This is not the fault of advisements but the managements. It’s paramount to draw up regulations to ensure the advisements will develop on the right track in the future.

In summary, the advisement is an effective tool for trading goods and exchanging information in our lives. Our needs are increasing not because of the excessive advisements but the civilization of society. The advisements are facilitating the advancement of society. Meanwhile, some regulations are also desired to prevent fraud and excessive advisements.

啥地方框计算

顶起来再说

tpougueyh

不知道如何修改，从评分的标准给点建议吧。

首先，task response。审题问题比较严重，题目是请你给出你的观点，the high sales of popular goods的原因是advertisement还是real needs of the society，而你的观点，从最终的conclusion来看，是支持两个东西都有用，但是没有提到the high sales of popular goods，只说到对于销售的帮助，所以从task response这一点来看，单项得分不会高。而且你提出来了3个观点，主体写了3段，但是你的idea没有被完全展开。因为你大部分文字停留在opinions上面，而不是facts and examples上面，所以说服力不够，进一步导致task response的得分降低。

其次，从coherence and cohesion上面来看，connective words连接词使用的少，虽然每个段落开头都使用了，但是段落中间太少连接词，造成coherence不够。cohesion方面，都能提到advertisement和real needs of the society，但是论述的时候没有提到high sales of popular goods，一次都没有，所以也会被扣分。

再次，从lexical resource方面，其次可以看出你的词汇量不是问题，但是表述的方式有待改进，比如advertisement这个词，虽然一直拼写错误，而且不断的在文中重复，不下10次吧，粗略估计，所以会被扣分。其实，表述成advertising或者product promotion或者marketing activities等等相近的方式都可以，而且会加分。所以，需要改进。

最后，grammatic。你有能力驾驭长句，从句和复合句，但是你没有这样去做，比如The earliest form of advisement appeared several thousand years ago. When the ancient Romans wished to trade their commodities, they posted the information to some public bulletin boards.其实可以写成The earliest form of advertisement appeared several thousand years ago when the ancient Romans posted the information to some public bulletin boards trying to trade their commodities。这样两个句子很自然就变成了一个句子。

不敢打分，我从来没有参加过雅思考试，不过看了一些试题里面的范文，觉得这篇文章会在5.5到6左右徘徊。
也不敢修改，给点意见吧。
第一、第一段作为introduction建议包含几个内容，background、点题和论述观点。简单明了就行，不必写太多与题目无关的话。
第二、主体段的观点要明确，而且需要尽量完全的展开。不是说写的越多越好，而且需要convincing的facts和examples来支持。观点其实都不一定需要太多，2个最多3个就足够了。
第三、来论述你的观点的时候需要加入对比的东西才能切题。比如the high sales of popular goods到底是因为advertisement呢还是因为real needs of the society，你可以对比，比如在一个消费者做出决定是否购买，或者购买哪个品牌的时候什么是决定性因素，或者在扩大销售市场的时候，到底是ads起到作用大还是needs起到的作用大。
最后，一定要审题清楚啊。其次，题目决定了整篇文章是对比ads和needs对于high sales的影响的大小，你一点都没有进行比较。

推荐你一本书吧，叫   模拟考官点评雅思写作，会对你有一定的帮助，网上买比较便宜。
其次，多看范文以及考官的点评，看看裁判怎么说的。

泛泛而谈，见笑了。

啥地方框计算

多谢，我明天就考了。我努力把问题完善了