新手求批作文，task2 议论文，请各位高手指教！多谢了！

斜阳123

Topic：Nowadays，full-time university students tend to focus on their studying. Some people think it is essential for university students to be involved in other activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree？



Competitions in the job market are so fierce that the university students devote every minute to study in order to get decent graduating results. It would never be wrong to study hard, however,  some people suggest that they should participate in other activities as well.



Instead of staying in the reading room every day, university students who are involved in other activities can benefit both physically and mentally. For instance, by enjoying sport clubs, not only can students do more exercises to keep healthy but also get chance to make more friends in the clubs. Besides that, by taking part-time jobs, students would understand how it will be like to work as an employee and the related responsibilities. So they are better prepared than those who have no working experience after graduation.



However, there are can be some problems caused by doing social activities. For those who have difficulties in finishing study task, supposing that they have tried their utmost to hover around the pass mark, they cannot afford to spend extra time on other things. What is worse, taking part time jobs may distract students from study because when they do not have to worry about the money for living the risk is high that they might give up study.



In my point of view, the students are the ones making the decision whether to take part in other activities besides study. While the students who are determined and efficient in learning would get plenty of useful experience, those potential test failures or dropouts should not run the risk.

1吃八方1

because when they do not have to worry about the money for living the risk is high that they might give up study.
这句怎么什么意思，看不懂啊？

jefflgank3

To what extend do you agree ...... 这类题，首段表明本人观点好些，否则可能会在 task respond 上失分.

斜阳123

What is worse, taking part time jobs may distract students from study because when they do not have to worry about the money for living the risk is high that they might give up study.
这句确实在逻辑上也有问题，do not worry about money 与 give up study 没有必然联系，谢谢提示。
What is worse, students may give up study because taking a part-time job is less stressful than study.

斜阳123

Thanks for your advice!
Competitions in the job market are so fierce that the university students devote every minute to study in order to get decent graduating results. It would never be wrong to study hard, however,  some people suggest that full-time students should participate in other activities as well. (I partly agree with this suggestion.)

斜阳123

自己发现的问题：
1，题目Some people think it is essential...，在body paragraph 1 中，我的fucos 在benefits上，虽然“对什么重要”与“对什么有好处”有相似之处，但不完全一样，有点偏题。同理，在body paragraph 2中，我的fucos在problem上，与“not essential”好像也没有直接联系。

斜阳123

修改后：

Competitions in the job market are so fierce that the university students devote every minute to study in order to get decent graduating results. However, some people consider it important for them to participate in other activities as well. I believe students should make such decisions in common prudence.

Instead of staying in the reading room every day, university students who have extra time and energy to be involved in other activities can obtain much more valuable experience which is crucial for their future. For instance, by enjoying sport clubs, not only can students do more exercises to keep healthy but also get chance to make more friends. In this way, their social network can be enlarged and their social skills would be improved. Besides that, by taking part-time jobs, students would understand how it will be like to work as an employee and the related responsibilities. So they tend to be better prepared than those students who only focus on study and have no working experience at all after graduation.

However, there are some students who should only concentrate on study, especially for those who have difficulties in finishing study task. Supposing that they have tried their utmost to just hover around the pass mark, they cannot afford to spend additional time on other things. Otherwise, students may fail in the exam or give up study because taking a part-time job is less stressful than study.

In conclusion, the students who are determined and efficient in learning should be encouraged to take various kinds of activities in order to get plenty of useful experience. Those potential test failures or dropouts, however, should not run the risk.