首次作文求狠批！！！拜托各位了

郭小鹏是猪

在localau看了几个精华帖，有恍然大悟的感觉，但是自己写起来依然不是那回事



雅思考了4,5次了，口语终于稳定在7以上，但是写作一直都是6.。。我都怀疑我是永远的6分了。。。



麻烦各位牛牛们帮我看看，到底要怎么改！



Some people think that it is better for children to begin to learn a foreign language at primary school than at secondary school. What is your opinion?



Acquiring a second language becomes a useful skill to most people today due to the increasing globalization. Thus it raises a question to the public that when should children start to learn another language. I suggest the children who learn a foreign language at elementary school will have more benefits than the ones at secondary school. 结尾这句省略句写的有没有问题？



Firstly, young kids have more time to focus on the study of a new language, compared with the older students. Students normally have more subjects to study when they finish primary school and enter into secondary. Take China as an example, pupils only have three main subjects, whilst high school students have six. Hence, children need to allocate their time to more tasks after they go to high school, leading to less time spent on studying a new language, which, by contrast, needs a lot of time to learn well.



Apart from that, it is easier for children to learn a foreign language when they are young because of their good memory. Research shows that the best period of people’s memory is between 10 to 15 years old. Generally speaking, learning language need recite a lot of materials including words, grammar and phrases. Thus, on this stage, primary school students have more advantages than their older competitors.

Admittedly, learning language is more than recitation, instead, it’s also about studying the culture behind that language. High school students usually have higher abilities on understanding, which is an important capability for culture studying. However, even students begin to learn a foreign language at their elementary school, they also could learn the culture when they start high school.



In conclusion, though it will never be too late to start to learn a second language, students start to learn it in elementary school will have more advantages than who start in secondary school.

郭小鹏是猪

都没有人看吗。。。

zdj土豆

"learning language need recite a lot of materials including words, grammar and phrases"

learning language needs to recite a lot of materials including words, grammar and phrases

不提意见，自愧不如，本人加强学习

郭小鹏是猪

啊，谢谢LS的。。。写到后面语法毛病一堆了。。。

vfori

按理说我不应该评价你的作文因为我自己当时也只考了6分。但是看下来我总感觉单词量太少了。基本上没有复杂一些的单词。虽然总体读下来感觉还是满通顺的，但是实在是太平了。

ioznrficw

1）enter into secondary应该不要into 吧 ？
2）Take China as an example,  应该是Taking吧？

bzbfa141

Acquiring a second language 不是个skill, second language 本身才是个 useful skill.

ivaf3156

5.5分的路过，听说要有正反论据，看你至论证了自己的看法，没有驳反方，是否是因为这个原因得6分

vs6z8o3n8

老师强调过很多次不能出现第一人称，第二段的最后一句我觉得用＂as far as I am concerned，it is suggested that。。。＂

第三段最后一句的＂by contrast＂多余了吧？没看到对比

第四段第四行动词用needs
第五行应该是in this stage 吧？

最后一段第二局，想用短句做主语，但貌似写错了

Thurceeffergo

教育类话题，剑桥里有的。。。肚子还疼，今天不爽。