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11#
发表于 2010-5-14 02:49:33
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只看该作者
来自： INNA
1是the的用法，只有在特指某个东西的时候才用the,，楼主有时用的不准确,比如
"the car is not a luxury thing any more" "the government should encourage the people ..." "lose the freedom "
如果改成 to have a car is... our government should ....lose freedom
2是单复数的问题，people是不可以用another来形容的，因为没有说一个people的：）
3一些小语法错误
-----"there is an increasing number of people that prefer to live alone due to a variety of reasons", it's better to say "...there is an increasing number of people who prefer to live alone rather than having a family "
-----theirselves- themselves
-----such as peer pressure in the workplace, anxiety for the future, worry about interpersonal issues...should have an 'and' between them
4.写到观点的时候主题最好明确，比如这句话是这段很重要的表达观点的句子，但是不知道it指什么
From my point of view, it is doubtless a negative trend for the development of society, as well as the evolution of human itself.
maybe it's better to point out that 'to live alone is a ...trend'
5.可以适当考虑一下什么词用来更准确，高级
-----"the demands of people for both materials and spirits are becoming higher and more various than before"
I think if you say "physical and mental/emotional/psychological needs" are more accurate than "demand for materials and spirits"
----Provided that a man does not want to live with another people, he will not have the sense of obligation and motivation to study and work harder.
this 'provided' is not appropriate to be used here
我得下班走了，来不及点评完了。楼主不会生气吧。有一次一个聊友让我给改作文，结果改了两次后就永远都没有再理过我，所以对于给别人改作文至今心有余悸
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楼主
