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[雅思杂谈] 作文,求拍砖,谢谢!新上一篇,在一楼

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发表于 2010-5-14 12:05:08 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式 来自: INNA

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新上一篇,没计时,拼写错误红色标记.写得有点太长了.



A great many countries around the world are gradually losing their cultural identity because of the prevalence of the Internet.



To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?





Today, internet is very common in our daily life. It shortens the physical distance, breaks the bar of communication, and eventually makes the world a small village. Meanwhile, someone warns that the countries will lose their culture identity in this wave. In spite of this concern, internet actually enhances the culture consciousness, which results in better protection of fading-away cultures.



Culture includes a lot of factors: the certain behavior in everyday life, the believe in religions, the technology developed through generations, the arts and music… We’re born, raised up in a certain culture. Sometimes we may fight for or even die for it. However, as people always take it for granted, they seldom realize its existence until they encounter a different culture and find in a shock how unique their own culture is. In the old days, when people from different culture have to travel long distance to meet with each other, such cross culture communication is time consuming, costly and rare. After internet made the meeting and casual chat a click effort, more and more average people get exposure to variant cultures and as a result realize his own cultural identity.



Internet also facilitates protection of dying tradition skills and way of life. Information is shared on web-sites. Forums provide space for discussion, donation, debate etc. Internet is a speed and powerful channel, where numerous treasures get the attentions from all over the world. This kind of promotion and advertising attract people’s interest to learn the culture, somehow invent creative ways to protect it. Good example is the ancient residential place located in Huizhou, Anhui province. When a lot of people visit there to admire its beauty, the local tour industry is scaled. The income from tour raise fund for the amendment of those old houses. This sort of healthy cycle works well for culture protection.



In one word, internet as a new technique can benefit a country’s culture identity, instead of weaken it.





*******************************************************************************************

Polular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occations are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way.



To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?





I agree the sporting even plays an essential role in easing international tensions and somehow contributing the world peace.



If we look back how sports emerged and developed in human being’s history, it’s quite clear. At the very beginning, sports is a way of practicing daily surviving skills, such as encouraging people to run faster, jump higher etc. Then it started to have certain module and rules. Competition and rewards are introduced in. Each participant, individual or group, has his own fans, and he becomes the representative of the fans. His winning is the honor of a supporting group behind him, and his losing is a shame not only to himself. The mechanism here is quite similar as how the politician works: people of same culture, believes or benefit getting together and select their own lead to represent them in an argument or fight. Through sports, people can release their patriotic emotions, enthusiasm in a safe way.



Sports is also a good means of culture exchange and communication. People get to know each other better through sports. The big international occasion such as the football World Cup, and the Olympic Games can gather a lot of people, the athletes, the volunteers, the audience, the judges and all other people working for the event. They come from different race, location, with variant culture and thoughts. The sports occasion give them a chance to talk with each other, share their stories, happiness and sorrow and enhance the understanding. This will definitely help improving the relationship and avoiding violent conflict. The good example was the Ping-Pong diplomacy China had with USA in 1970’s. When the politician of two countries still hesitated with talking to each other, the Chinese Ping-Pong team was sent to USA as pioneer to break the thick ice.



So in one word, sports can not only show the pure human spirit, faster, higher and stronger, but also perform an important role in defending the world peace.



[]



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沙发
发表于 2010-5-14 14:16:11 | 只看该作者 来自: INNA


这题目好诡异哦...
不过楼主行文如流水...我看得很敬仰啊...


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板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2010-5-14 17:41:55 | 只看该作者 来自: INNA




是剑3,Test 1的题目。LS过奖了,这个是没计时写的,还改过不少错的词。呵,离实战还有点距离。


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地板
 楼主| 发表于 2010-5-14 23:18:13 | 只看该作者 来自: INNA


剑3 Test 1, Writing Task 1 (G)
20分钟完成,拼写错误红色标记。

You are due to start a new job next week but you will not able to because you have some problems.

Write a letter to your new employer. In your letter
1. explain your situation
2. describe your problems
3. tell him/her when you think you can start.

Dear Mike,

Thanks for offering the job of the chief IT officer in your company. I know I’ve confirmed one month ago of my start date, which is next Monday. However, I encountered an emergent issue and want to postpone the on-board date to May 1st.

The issue was caused by the recent quick expressing (spreading) disease – SARS. After the first patient was identified 2 weeks ago locally, the number of affected people increased significantly to 200 in the city as of now. Due to this situation, the government has announced all the school to be closed temporarily, including the childcare center, where I send my 3 year old son every workday. So I cannot leave home to work until I find a baby-sitter. Fortunately, one of my relatives has promised to help me out. And she will get to my home by end of next week, so that I can start to work on May 1st.

Thanks a lot for your understanding and please feel free to let me know if you have any concern about this timeline.

Yours Sincerely

[]


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5#
发表于 2010-5-15 09:08:22 | 只看该作者 来自: INNA


从行文和谴词用句来说,7分左右是有了。不过就议论文来说,没什么出彩的地方,论点很平庸。


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6#
 楼主| 发表于 2010-5-15 20:31:33 | 只看该作者 来自: INNA




谢谢指教!确定是,最近试了一篇,更是感觉很糟。磕磕巴巴的赶着时间写出来,自己看了都难受。回头再和范文一比,惊呼一声:哎呀,这不就是我想说的吗?!怎么人家说得那样有理有据呢。郁闷啊!感觉作文还真不只是考语言啊。

[]


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7#
 楼主| 发表于 2010-5-15 23:47:21 | 只看该作者 来自: INNA


自己看了惨不忍睹的一篇。。。
剑3 Test 1, Writing Task 2 (G)
用时40分钟

Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a cmplete waste of time.

Do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your exprerience.


I don’t agree with this opinion. Nowadays parents always get nervous when talking about kids’ education. The modern society is full of competition and nobody wants his child to loss at the very beginning. Parents are keen to make every second of the child’s life meaningful, like what this statement says, leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are waste of time!

However, what does education really mean? First it’s to give children enough knowledge and skill to survive. But the knowledge and skills are only useful when children are willing to accept them, learn them by heart. Kid is born to be curious about new things. However, if they’re forced to do something, they will most likely resist it and lose interest. So don’t plan a certain educational activity for kids. Give them the freedom, they can choose what they’re most interested in and learn well.

Education also means to build a healthy spirit, with the ability to love, to treasure the life, to have sympathy of the other’s sorrow. This factor of education cannot be achieved by simple class study. Children can learn this from their daily life, by making friends, by getting closer to the nature.

Leisure time can bring a lot surprise to the children, if they have the right to decide how to spend it. Give children the choices (options) and leave them a free space to grow. You will find how amazing every kid can be with different talent.

[]


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8#
发表于 2010-5-16 10:17:20 | 只看该作者 来自: INNA


其实吧,写议论文,关键是摆事实讲道理。讲起道理来呢,你又可以打打比方。

比如说,儿童教育问题。用西方人的思路来考虑一下,他们是讲究兴趣和天性是第一位的。
但你光强调这个,还是很单薄,字数也凑不够。那你就可以来个比喻说,小孩吧,就如同一棵树,在刚开始的时候,没人能知道他会怎么长。父母应该如同园丁一样,给他留足发展空间。提前教育就如同在树上罩个或圆或方的罩子,家长以为是美丽的,但其实限制了孩子的兴趣和个性自由发展。

父母要做的是给树培土浇水,大风来了给提供屏障,防止树倒下。树是会长成自己想要的样子的,孩子的天性和兴趣才是他们将来择业,自己生活的根本动力。也会决定他们将来和什么人一起生活,如何培养自己的下一代。

教育不是不可以,但不能占用孩子的过多时间和精力。

如果这么写,我厚颜无耻地估计应该能得个8分。


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9#
 楼主| 发表于 2010-5-16 19:58:28 | 只看该作者 来自: INNA




哈哈,精辟!


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10#
发表于 2010-5-17 07:20:58 | 只看该作者 来自: INNA


以我的经验,你这篇作文的分数在6分甚至更低,原因如下:
1)词汇和语法:有一些词语和时态搭配的错误,另外句型结构单一。雅思7分以上作文的要求是能够熟练运用复杂的句型结构,这是得分的要点。
2)论点不鲜明,考鸭的作文要求必须要有topic sentence,一篇文章应该有3-5个论点支持。你如果说体育运动可以增进世界和平,那么你每一段的内容都要点明这一点
3)文章结构不完整,没有conclusion,这点是考鸭的最大忌讳

雅思的作文非常八股,建议你多花时间研究范文。


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