作文，求拍砖，谢谢！新上一篇，在一楼

pdsfdruht · 发表于 2010-5-20 14:58:20

LZ，我能不能在你的楼里贴一下我的作文，大家互相评论一下。谢谢！

文明仁化 · 发表于 2010-5-20 20:00:37

没问题啊，或者你还可以贴到这个贴子里，看的人多点。
http://www.freeoz.org/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=901249&page=1#pid2839928

rxqipxrf · 发表于 2010-5-21 00:19:56

谢谢，能允许贴这边就很好了，都是你写过的

fcqxl · 发表于 2010-5-21 06:46:06

You are due to start a new job next week but you will not able to because you have some problems.

Write a letter to your new employer. In your letter
1. explain your situation
2. describe your problems
3. tell him/her when you think you can start.

Dear Sir,

I am so excited about my new job and looking forward to kick off as soon as possible. But I am very sorry to write to you to discuss the possibility of delaying my on-board time one week later than the day we agreed days ago.

The reason is my grand parents will visiting Beijing for one weeks from the next Monday. They are both eighty years old and this trip might be their last one to my family and I really hope I could spend some more time with them and show them around in the city.

During this period, I will develop the ideas we discussed and generate one report about it. Also, I will read the documents you passed to me in our last meeting. I want you believe that I will be well-prepared when I am sitting in the office on Jun. 25.

Your understanding and permission will be highly appreciated.

Sincerely,
xxx

yhwwvjlp · 发表于 2010-5-21 15:58:42

1 It 使用要慎重，建议用“，which”把前面的句子当成后面句子的对象
2 学术论文缩写不能出现
3 楼主老毛病了，一定要突出论点，句子之间用大个的耀眼的连接词，每个分论点后要有支持句。
4 也是老毛病，最后一段-也就是第四段，缺乏总结前面论点的句子，给人一种草草收兵的感觉。

有些句型看着头疼，但说不上哪里不对水平有限我也是来学习的

文明仁化 · 发表于 2010-5-21 21:10:08

Dear Sir,

I am so excited about my new job and looking forward to kick off (kicking of) as soon as possible. But I am very sorry to write to you to discuss (too many tos, and a typical chinese English) the possibility of delaying my on-board time one week later (seems we don't say delay sth later than) than the day we agreed days ago. But i'm very soory that my on-board date may be delayed for one week, and i'm writing to you to discuss this issue.

The reason is that my grand parents will visiting Beijing for one weeks from the next Monday (will visit BJ next Mon, and stay here for one week). They are both eighty years old and this trip might be their last one to my family and I really hope I could spend some more time (some is not necessary) with them and show them around in the city.

During this period, I will develop the ideas we discussed and generate one report about it. Also, I will read the documents you passed to me in our last meeting. I want you believe (it's chinese english again, you can say, it's no doubt that i will...) that I will be well-prepared when I am sitting (step into) in the office on Jun. 25.

Your understanding and permission will be highly appreciated.

Sincerely,
xxx

[]

文明仁化 · 发表于 2010-5-21 22:53:10

哈哈，兔兔和象象很热心哈。这篇不是偶的，偶也来改了改。

yebjs2o6n8 · 发表于 2010-5-22 01:32:00

show sb around in the city？确定需要in？
如果有不确定的用法，我宁愿换种表达方法，呵呵

文明仁化 · 发表于 2010-5-22 12:57:14

嗯，这句也有点怪怪的，一般只说show sb around (here/there), 不过不太确定。刚想找人问问呢。

gootdlan921 · 发表于 2010-5-22 14:32:22

好像语法不算错查了下 around除了prep还是adv可以做动词的状语吧

[雅思杂谈] 作文，求拍砖，谢谢！新上一篇，在一楼

个人中心