最后再发一篇小作文求评分剑四2 卖家俱

裆员一号 · 发表于 2010-8-8 04:39:32

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剑四小作文 - 2 卖家俱

题目：

You want to sell some of your furniture. You think a friend of yours might like to buy it from you.

Write a letter to your friend. In your letter

explain why you are selling

describe the furniture

suggest a date when your friend can come and see the furture

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练了两天小作文，感觉进步了一些。但是今天帮主申批这篇作文还是吓死了，写得巨直白，纯口语化，很中文。经过修改，这已经是我尽最大努力把它变得稍微不那么口语化了。请大家打分吧。

如果能得到认同，我们就要move forward，开始练大作文了。毕竟时间很有限了。

目标 6

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以下，已经根据3WU同学的comments 改进。多谢

Dear Jackson,

I am writing to see if you would like to buy my compute desk, which was bought from IKEA two months ago. I will leave Shanghai in few weeks. It is inconvience and expensive to take furniture with me. Therefore, I decide to hold a garage sell this Sunday. Among the furniture there is a computer desk which I believe you might like to keep.

The computer desk is still in perfect condition. As you may have seen from IKEA advertisement, the compute desk has a wooden desktop with stainless steel legs and a file cabinet. The desktop is 2 meters long and 0.6 meter wide, which makes it big enough to accommodate[抄来了，但是还是觉得不大会用这个词] a LCD/CRT monitor and daily files. Its height is adjustable from 0.7 meter to 0.9 meter. I have always been carefully using this computer desk. I think you would like it once you see it.

You are welcome to come for an inspection before the garage sale. Saturday would be fine for me. I bought the computer desk for $150. However, you can take it for $60. I am Looking forward to your reply.

Yours,

Joe Johns

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芒果诱惑 · 发表于 2010-8-8 11:13:52

LZ作文需要多少分？

ie6c6e8rt · 发表于 2010-8-8 12:57:05

改善了不少。

Dear Jackson,

I am writing to see if you would like to buy my compute desk, which was bought from IKEA two months ago. I will leave Shanghai in few weeks. It is inconvience and expensive to take furniture with me. Therefore, I decide to hold a garage sell this Sunday. Among the furniture there is a computer desk which I believe you might like to keep.

The compter desk is still in perfect conditions (中心句要在第一，二句). As you may have seen from the IKEA advertisement, the compute desk has a wooden desktop with stainless steel legs and a file cabinet. The desktop is 2 meters long and 0.6 meter wide, which makes it big enough to place(accommodate) a LCD/CRT monitor and daily files. The(Its) height is adjustable from 0.7 meter to 0.9 meter. I have always been carefully using the(this) computer desk. I think you would like it once you see it. (归纳句，其实可以完全重复中心句（最好稍微改动），也可以是承上启下。)

If you are interested in it, you may come to take a look (you are welcome to come for an inspection, 建议不要重复题目句子和词汇，因为这样会不得分) before the garage sale. Saturday would be fine for me. I bought the computer desk for $150,. However you can take it for $60. I am (虽然是G类，不完整句子也会扣分)looking forward to your reply.

Yours Sincerely,
Yours，就可以了，因为是你的朋友
Joe Johns

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