大作文求批改,有空来改吧!

bidwidway · 发表于 2010-9-12 11:39:33

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作文很难在规定的时间内完成，，，大家多提意见，先谢了！！！

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold.

To what extend to you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, many people argue that it is the power of advertising that help the goods achieve high

sales and popularity rather than satisfying the real needs of society. I think that products which meeting

most of our requirements would make them truly popular and live longer, especially in today’s commodity

economics.

It is not deniable that advertisement, as a media, dramatically promotes the development of commodities.

Due to its function of being spread quickly, businessmen would like to allocate lots of money on them

through TV, broadcast, magazines and so on. Especially after finding out they can gain multiple profits in return.

Meanwhile people could know the details about their products in no time. Anyone would agree with more

at this stage the power of advertising is obvious and effective. However only advertisement would not be

able to make people buy their stuff, sometimes even bore them.

Obviously, catering to people’s needs and solving their issues would play a basic role to raise the sale of goods.

For instance, several years ago, the blue pill (Viagra) became one of the most popular products in the world,

even up till now, due to improvement in people’s life quality. Although there are few cases, in which advertisements

sharply raise the sales of useless products in a short time, after a while, the products and their advertisements would

disappeared together because they ignore people’s requirements and were found as traps. Take “Brain Gold” of the

Chinese Mainland for example; firstly it gained a great success through advertisements bombing. Once people found

out it was merely a kind of melatonin, and then it was almost forsaken by the society.

Besides the key function of fulfilling one’s need, goods need many other factors to enable them to be popular and

successful. Their high quality and diversities would also be essential as that. These consist of the main character of

one product. With them, even without over advertisements, the product may come to be popular through the words

of mouth, especially in the Internet age.

To sum up, through the advertising products might seem to be known by many people. However, whether they would

become popular or acquire high sales depends on their quality, diversities and functions that are really useful for people.

虾米的狂热 · 发表于 2010-9-12 23:19:07

我也正在准备考试，互相学习吧，呵呵。总体感觉写得很不错了，至少写得比我好。
第一段的争论如果能用进行时态或许会更好，另外第一段中有些小错误哦。
Nowadays, many people argue (用进行时态) that it is the power of advertising that help (helps) the goods achieve high sales and popularity rather than satisfying the real needs of (the) society.(Personally,) I think that products which meeting (meet) most of our requirements would make them truly popular and live longer, (这个应该不要，和前面的内容不相关哦）especially in today’s commodity economics.

第二段：总体来说你写得多了点，因为这是你的反面观点哦。另外第个句子之间的连接做得不太好，读起来感觉转折好快。
It is not deniable that advertisement, as a media, dramatically promotes the　development(popularity) of commodities. Due to its function of being spread quickly, businessmen would like to allocate lots of money on them through TV, broadcast, magazines and so on. Especially after finding out they can gain multiple profits in return(more profit, 不用in turn了). Meanwhile (加标点哦) people could know the details about their products in no time. Anyone would agree with more at this stage the power of advertising is obvious and effective. However only advertisement would not be able to make people buy their stuff, sometimes even bore them.

第三段感觉你总在说反面，直接正面说就好了，老外喜欢直接点哦。内容组织上可以再考虑一下，如果是我来写，可能从以下几个方面来说比较好：
1. The incentive for people to buy goods is to help their life easier, thus quality should be No.1;
2. Besides the touchable advertisements as media, newspapare, etc., the positive feedback of consumers should be advertisement as well, which can bring more effect to the sales of the goods.
3. .....

Obviously, catering to people’s needs and solving their issues would (should) play a basic (crucial, 这是你支持的观点哦) role to raise the sale of goods.　For instance, several years ago, the blue pill (Viagra) became one of the most popular products in the world, even up till now, due to improvement in people’s life quality (introduced by the product???). Although there are few cases, in which advertisements sharply raise the sales of useless products in a short time, after a while, the products and their advertisements would disappeared together because they ignore people’s requirements and were found as traps. Take “Brain Gold” of the Chinese Mainland for example; firstly it gained a great success through advertisements (advertisement) bombing. Once people found out it was merely a kind of melatonin, and then it was almost forsaken by the society.

[雅思杂谈] 大作文求批改,有空来改吧!

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