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发表于 2010-12-10 08:38:20
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只看该作者
来自： INNA
In these years, more and more countries are interested and involved ingenetic engineering projects, and huge development has been made inthis specific area. The potential impact of genetic engineering onhuman being is a subject of intense debate. In my opinion, the futureof genetic engineering is stimulating and fascinating, but also weshould not oversee its downside.
1.扣题了.LZ的开头段是一个扣了题的好例子.
2.In these years --> In recent decades,
3. 所有的be interested--->be interested in
4.第一句可改为因果型句子 xxxxxx are not only interested in but also got involved in xxxxxxx, such that xxxxxx.
5.在第一句后,简单地讲一下基因工程与人类的好坏作用后再讲引起讨论
5.第二句开头可用 As a result 等来承上.
6. human being -->human beings
7. is a subject xxxxx ---> has become an intensely debated subject.
8.在 In my opinion 后加, considering xxxxxxxx. 由于题目问的是基因工程于人类的影响,所以应扣紧这方面来讲, 而不是讲它的发展前途.
Obviously genetic technology can improve our quality of life in manyaspects. It is believed that the characters of a life are determined byits gene. Improving the gene of crops is an effective way to addressthe problem of food scarcity. Furthermore, waste treatment and sewagedisposal is becoming unmanageable, and it is possible to get somebacteria which could degrade them with genetic technology.Theoretically, it is even possible to create brand new kind of liveswhich have special abilities, such as producing oil or gas in order tosolve the resource problem we are now facing. And diseases like cancercould also be tackled in the future as the gene of human being could beimproved.
1. Obviously ---> Obviously,
2. our quality of life---> the quality of our life
3.believed太弱了,而且被人believed的东西也不见的是事实 ---> It has been scientifically shown
4. the characters 太绝对了 ---> some important characters
5. of a life --> of the human life
6. gene ---> genes
7. Improving the gene --->For instance, modifying the genes
8.address---> solve, address只是指出问题所在而已.
9.第二,三句语意上不连接. 第二句讲的是基因于人类特征具决定性,第三句讲的是粮食问题.应对第二句做适当的修改,使其能带出第三句.
10. is becoming ---> are becoming more and more
11. 第四句有点臃肿,而且第三句已讲基因改造,那第四句最好以基因工程为主语, 如: Furthermore, genetic technology can also be applied to create bacteria, which can effectively degrade human waste and sewage. Such application will greatly assist the waste and sewage treament process, which has become more and more unmanagable in many countries, due to the rapid increase of human popluation.
12. brand new kind --> a new type
13. in order to ---> to
14. 不要用And开头
15.不需要罗列太多的例子.其实第四句后就应该以已举的例子来讲明基因工程于人类生活的好的作用, 突出其优点.过多的罗列不仅重点模糊了而且也开始有堆砌的感觉了.
On the other hand, genetic technology is a threaten to biodiversity. Avast of creatures may extinct because they are less competitive andadaptable than those creatures whose genes have been artificiallychanged. And everybody may look similar if they are able to changetheir gene freely.
1.这段太短了.既然要两方面讨论,那就要双方面旗鼓相当才行.不然让人觉得论证力度不够,作者的笔墨到底了, 有虎头蛇尾之嫌.
2. threaten --> threat
3. vast 后加 amount
4. creature 一般只指动物 ---> lifes
5.because xxxxxx--> due to lower competitiveness and adaptability than
6. those creatures --> those
7. changed --> modified
8. 最后一句没什么力度.
9.缺基因工程缺点的总结
According to the above discussions, genetic engineering has a promisingfuture, but it may also lead to the loss of biodiversity
1.一般结尾应先呼应开头段,再来总结论证,从而得出结论.
2.discussions --> discussion
3. 应就基因工程于人类的影响来结尾,不是它的发展.
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