雅思写作分享，批改集中贴

博尔杰 · 发表于 2010-6-1 09:44:34

我越来越觉得羊版顺口了

乖乖善晨 · 发表于 2010-6-1 21:17:31

hand

奶茶猪猪 · 发表于 2010-6-2 00:43:08

我也来贴一篇吧，求鉴定求建议。作文一直6分，但想能不能提高点，这样可以放心拼我那万年不过的口语了多谢指教，这篇写了38分钟，没控制好，本来计划是35分钟最多的，330个词, 也没控制好，写多了。。。

Topic: Earlier technological development brought more benefits changes to the life of ordinary people than the recent technological development does. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Currently the world has been totally changed by the technology. There are several technological milestones in the history, such as fire, iron, electricity, and computer. Some people believe that earlier technologies brought more benefits to human beings than later ones, for example, fire is more important than computer science for the society. I disagree.

Of course there are technology and technology, but a era's technological icon is always significant, such as fire and iron. Fire has been used about 20,000 years ago, changed our ancestors' life because fire offers safe food, frightens wild animals, and helps form original tribes. No fire, no human society. Despite its importance, iron's position cannot be ignored, either, though iron technology has been developed much later than fire, about 2000~3000 years ago, up to different districts. Iron offers efficient tools for agriculture, weapons for wars, and even today, steel industry is also a fundamental part of the world's economics. If there is no iron, today's people may be ploughing with wooden tools, and fighting with stone. Therefore, earlier technological development may not be more important than later one.

People are of earlier technology is sometimes reasonable. Human's technology is just like human's population, it grows faster and faster, like breeding. If the whole technology is a tree, fire, iron, electricity and computer science these milestones should be the trunk, from the root to the top, earlier technology nearer to the root, and the other technologies like phones, televisions, or movies are branches and leaves. In this tree's top layer, there are countless technologies, many of which are very important, too, like plastic, missiles, tanks, and internet, but because there are so many technologies that many people consider them to be less important than those near the root.

In conclusion, human's technologies are growing in an increasingly rapid speed, but they construct our civilization, because they are a whole, with a same root, and in the future, many new technologies will be developed based on them.

runrk0706e · 发表于 2010-6-2 07:34:05

下次我也发A类的文章上来。

Ziacharyhg · 发表于 2010-6-2 18:02:13

貌似这个贴不是很受关注啊~~

bpueyg97ti · 发表于 2010-6-2 21:56:30

我发表一下拙见哈

如果观点是：totally agree ，那么论点应该为三个支持的论点。（一详两略）
（此为《十天》中提到的较难的写法，因为很难凑够写清楚三个论点。）
annie的论点为一详一略，详为支持，略为反对，这是典型的partly agree观点写法。
所以我认为症结应该是一开始提出的观点不正确.

建议：不要用totally agree (or disagree)，这样的观点非常难以论述清楚。

cn路人甲 · 发表于 2010-6-3 01:50:11

Writing Task 1
You and your family are living in rented accommodation in a English-speaking country. You are not satisfied with the condition of some of the furniture
Writing a letter to the landlord.  In your letter
1)introduce yourself
2)Explain what is wrong with the furniture
3)say what action you would like the landlord to take
Dear John,
      I am writing to express my dissatisfaction about some of furniture in my newly rented apartment which belongs to you.
      As you know, my family who migrants from other nation two years ago was always disturbed until we started to live in your apartment. However, I find out some of furniture was damaged due to lacking of being repaired, and I also point out the ones which looks like being made in the 80’s is too old-fashioned, besides, a few drawers of my desk are missing ,which make me fairly inconvenient; therefore, I feel that you can see the gravity of my complaint and I shall appreciate it if you will give priority to handle this matter.
      If it is convenient for you, perhaps you could simply replace the new furniture with the old ones or repair them at least.
      I would be grateful if you could take the matter into consideration and solve it at your earliest convenience and look forward to hearing from you soon.


                                                                                                                                             Yours sincerely,
                                                                                                                                                   Adam Smith

Writing Task 2
  Some argue that nowadays consumers buy lots of goods they don’t actually needs because they are influenced by advertisements. To what extend do you agree or disagree.
      As advertisements being created in this spinning world, the issue of plenty of consumers buy lots of goods they don’t actually needs because they are influenced by advertisements has drawn a widespread attention. The problem which disturbs a large number of wives and husbands are becoming increasingly worrying. The issue has triggered a heated discussion, generating different views. Some people say they are not influenced by advertisements when they go shopping, while others insist who bought dozens of ones which is useless suffering from being misled by advertisements we watch every day. I think the former is more convincing would qualify it to some extent.
      It is regarded as the most effect way to choose what you want to buy is watching advertisements; however, demand is the root cause why individuals buy goods rather than being affected by advertisements. To begin with, even if advertisements are full of TVs, metros, elevators  and so forth, little ones can be memorized ;therefore ,it is impossible for us to be influenced by advertisements when we go shopping  because we cannot remember them. For another , the environment where you purchase plays an pivotal role in making decision to buy. If all people around buy some in front of you, probably, you will put it in your shopping cart, which can be proved by shopping psychology. More specifically when it comes to the prices, I have to accept that lots of people tend to pick up commodities with low price no matter what they have known these advertisements of low- price goods or not. Above all, advertisements just offer shopping information to consumers, while their demand is one of the most important factors convince them to purchase.
      On the other hand, I don’t denied that sometimes we are willing to buy goods we don’t need is just owing to the discounts information printed on the leaflets, no matter how many times they promise not to buy useless commodities, they will do it again, but we cannot blame the discount information of advertisements, obviously, nothing force us to do it but ourselves.
      Having considered all the argument above, I would insist that demand is the key making consumers buy rather than advertisements.

免费上传 · 发表于 2010-6-3 12:49:38

剑3, test 2, writing task 2

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive.

to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

With the fast development of modern technology, the concerns over the fading-away of the traditional skills and life style have risen. More and more people argue that we should try the best to protect and keep them alive. However leaving the decision to the history may be a better choice.

It’s true that those conventional skills and old life style have been lasting for centuries. To some extent, they have become part of our culture and hard to abandon. Some of them, for example travelling by horse wagon, compared with the modern techniques, such as car, are more environment-friendly. In addition, some of the unique skills, like those in arts, are not replaceable by machine.

Despite of all the mentioned advantages, we cannot deny their negative effects. Traditional skills and way of life are usually slow. They’re time consuming and not cost –effective. That’s the key reason why they cannot beat the new technology in the competition. The history tells us that advanced technology drives away the elementary one is a natural process. Iron tools replaced the stone one; architecture made people move from the cave to house; with paper, we don’t need to write on leaves anymore; telephone facilitate the live talk with a person thousands miles away. The replacement is a fate and not avoidable. In another word, this is the civilization where only stronger survives.

To conclude the debate, I believe that history will make the right choice. Only those that stand the test of time can escape the fate of dying out.

泰凡泰凡 · 发表于 2010-6-3 20:55:14

学习一下！

eixg4480 · 发表于 2010-6-4 06:20:50

老大，半年前的帖子了。

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