g类task1 作文求批系列

jtjhua9422 · 发表于 2011-3-10 15:24:05

Dear Madam or Sir,
      I just bought a walkman at your shop 2 days ago, (1)but it has stopped working now. (2)So I am writing you and hope that you can exchange a new one for me (3)because it is still in the warranty period.
      The type of the walkman I bought is (4)DCS 101. (5)Because it was packed well and has never been opened, so I didn't check whether (6)there are something wrong with all the functions on the spot. But when I came back home and opened the package, I found that (7)the one of the buttons is out of order. According to the terms of warranty, (8)I have rights to request the seller to exchange a new machine without paying one cent. (9)Now I attach the machine and receipt with my letter and expect that you can handle my issue properly.
      Thank you in advance. It will be greatly appreciated if you can process my request at your earliest convenience.
Yours sincerely,

(1).stopped working意味着曾经work过，这和题目以及你的第二段中描述的买来就是坏的是相冲突的，另外考虑到你后面说的是某一个按键坏了，那么情况就还不到整机都doesn't work那么糟，建议改成but it was broken.
(2).这一句建议放在全文第一句的位置上。Honestly，我不确定你这样写好不好，不过这种退换信的范文大多数起手都是I am writing ...所以我想最好还是照章办事放在前面比较好。另外这也符合西方人不搞前戏直奔主题的思维方式。最后，I am writing to you，少了个to
(3).这个地方仍然是我拿不准但是感觉别扭的：买到残次品要求退还和warranty好像不是一个范畴的，因为一般包退换是商店的义务，保修的就是厂商了，所以我不确定这里你引用warranty的条款是不是正确
(4).为了看起来更真实一些我一般都会写个日本牌子，桀桀桀。当然不写牌子肯定不是错误，就是提一句而已
(5).because和so出现在同一个因果关系的两个分句里是不恰当的用法，这里建议删掉后面的so
(6).语法角度来说正确的写法应该是there is anything wrong with...而从语义角度我建议把there is部分去掉，直接就didn't check any of the functions，因为你说了你不想拆包装嘛，那自然就不是“没有全面检查”而是“什么都没检查”了
(7).one前面的the是不应该加上的
(8).这一句风格太硬朗了……和上下文的谦和作风完全不一致，尤其是最后那个without paying a cent，感觉简直是吵架用词。简单的说for free就好了
(9).这里……你说我吹毛求疵也好，心理阴暗也好，反正如果你把货和发票都寄给店家，那就意味着你完全没有你购买了这件商品的凭证了，人家直接不理你，就当这单生意没做过，把你的货款吞了，你一点办法都没有……所以你要不要考虑一下receipt就别寄了？……

以上，仍然是一家之言，采纳有风险，修改需谨慎

121779 · 发表于 2011-3-10 21:07:05

You are going to London and stay there for about one week. You plan to spend two days visiting the London Library. Because you are now studying a project and want to do some background study. Write a letter to the library chief telling your intention and ask whether it is possible. You hope to receive a response.
------------------------------------
Dear Madam or Sir,
I am a researcher coming from China. Because of project researching, I need to refer to some materials in the London Library. I am writing you to request some questions related to visiting the London Library.
I am studying a project now, before I can go further into researching I need some knowledge for my background study which can be proved by the materials that only exist in the London Library. I will arrive in London on March 11 and stay for one week, and I am supposed to keep 2 days for studying the materials. So, would you like to tell me please if it is possible for a foreigner like me to use the library and What days will be available for me to visit and what I should prepare in advance for my visiting?
Thank you very much for your attention. It will be highly appreciated if you can give me a favorable reply at your earliest convenience.
Yours sincerely,
XXX

[]

121779 · 发表于 2011-3-11 08:24:13

真是有劳jimrarnor0同学了，能看出来批的非常细心和非常认真，很多地方都提的非常好，谢谢啊

121779 · 发表于 2011-3-11 12:22:08

不好意思问您一下，您说您的材料寄错地方，是地址写错了还是怎么了呢？我看网上不少人都因为地址出问题了，难道不是按照acs网站的地址（PO Box Q534
Queen Victoria Building
Sydney NSW 1230
Australia
）来邮寄的嘛？我的公证还没整好，时间不多，小心为妙：）

kimeking · 发表于 2011-3-11 19:07:51

Dear Mr. Smith,
      I am THE new employee who just GOT the offer a week ago. AS THE CONTRACT REQUIRED, I NEED TO START working on next Wednesday. But RIGHT NOW I HAVE SOME PERSONAL ISSUES TO DEAL WITH and I HOPE YOU COULD DO ME A FAVOR BY ALLOWING ME TO POSTPONE MY ON-BOARD DAY.
      I am so grateful for getting a job from your company and ready to work with full energy and heart. My landlord's daughter will be here from America on Friday, and I have to move out, otherwise there will be no rooms for her. I have to spend several days to find a new place before I BECOME HOMELESS. Thus I think it will be impossible for my to begin my work at the right time. I do not know if it is possible for me to delay THE SCHEDULE , though I do hope you can give me the chance to postpone my starting for one week.
      I REALLY appreciate if you can kindly consider my request and give me a favorable reply at your earliest convenience.
Yours sincerely,
俺的版本

121779 · 发表于 2011-3-11 20:33:42

果然很书面语啊，厉害厉害：）

xotiauv · 发表于 2011-3-12 04:01:14

啊，你说我签名里面的么？完全不是，是result letter因为是用英语写的地址，寄到国内的时候邮局不认识了，就给送错地方了……害的我跑去拿了一趟

121779 · 发表于 2011-3-12 14:19:01

哦，这样子的，谢谢

爱吃虾的猫 · 发表于 2011-3-12 17:35:01

真巧！我今天也刚好写了这个题目，顺便也帮我改一下吧，呵呵！！
预祝考试顺利！

Dear Mr. Jackson,

I am extremely pleased to hear from your letter of offering me the position of project manager in your company, which I have dreamed about for a long time. I am looking forward to plunging ahead with you soon.

In the offer letter, I am supposed to enroll on May, 11th 2011. Nevertheless, I am attending an IELTS course which start on April, 1st and will be finished on May, 15th. The reason why I am preparing IELTS is that I am big fan of English. In addition, on account of my poor English, I hold the view that it is essential for me to attend English course to improve my English before I begin to work in your foreign-funded company.

Because the courses are all held in day time from 9 o'clock to 16 o'clock, I concern whether you could make it later. I would be grateful if you could be so kind enough to grant my request.

Thank you for your kind assistance. I am looking forward to your reply.

Best wishes!

Marco

121779 · 发表于 2011-3-12 19:25:59

让上面的几个老大帮你改吧，俺的也是他们改的，不好意思班门弄斧啊，而且他们还没帮俺修改第四篇呢，

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