为了第五次雅思,每天一篇作文求批改

eihks623 · 发表于 2011-3-15 10:24:40

多谢啦,能不能给点怎么分析题目的建议,威望值加完了,下次给你加上.

eihks623 · 发表于 2011-3-15 16:45:03

Wring 10[2011.3.8] 祝各位女士节日快乐!
Some people think that politicians have the greatest influence on the world. Other people, however, believe that scientists have the greatest influence. Discuss both of the views and give your opinion.

Recently, it is a highly contentious issue that whether the influence of scientists outweighs politicians’. Some people advocate that politicians play a more vital role on the world, while others hold the viewpoint that scientists have the greatest impact. In my opinion, both of these views can be reconciled, because the composition of these two types of people contributes to a harmonious society.

Admittedly, politicians are able to affect the society in many aspects. To begin with, policies made by politicians result in the life of ordinary people. Citizens may benefit from the policies, and they also can be affected by those policies in the unfavorable perspective. For example, a policy about curbing house price can make people who could not afford the house have their own home. And another policy about increasing the price of tuition fee might keep students away from the university. Moreover, politicians can help the country to maintain the social order. It is easy to imagine that what the future sequence of lacking rule in the society would be.

By contrast, scientists also bring amounts of effects to human society. In the first place, as having been generally acknowledged, the innovations of new technology and the inventions are attributed to the efforts of scientists. For example, computers and the internet have entirely changed the world. Without those technological productions, our life would fall into disorder again. In the second place, scientists could help humanity to resolve the problems which people meet in the daily life. Facing an increasing number of new problems, scientists must shoulder the responsibility to combat the situation.

In conclusion, I still persist that both scientists and politicians play an important role in human society. It is difficult to draw a conclusion which one has the greater influence than another.

西部观察 · 发表于 2011-3-16 02:56:59

Some people think that politicians have the greatest influence on the world. Other people, however, believe that scientists have the greatest influence. Discuss both of the views and give your opinion.

语言应该是越写越熟练了。
这篇文章，中文是有人认为政治人物对世界的影响最大，有人认为是科学家影响最大，探讨

首先，你好像把政治家和科学家当成了政治和科学，
第二，文章第一段，说两者都有用，其实这不是一个观点（推荐买一本GRE北美范文，里面详细说明了英文的语言逻辑）。更好的说法是，你认为谁影响大，或者说不能一概而论，虽然XXX在XXX方面影响大，但XXX在另外XX方面更大。
第三，又回到第一。你把主体搞错。正常应该写如政治家总是在关键时刻改变了人类的命运。比如坏人希特勒,怎么怎么地，又有三大好人出面，搞定了这事，人类的命运，尤其是现代人类的命运似乎总是和政治人物不可分，在举例mao和deng，这两位都上过Times封面的人，不仅改变了China，也改变的世界的格局，牛逼牛逼
然后，写科学家们也牛逼，没牛顿，没有瓦特，我们都还是农民，没有爱因斯坦相对论，就造不出原子弹，没原子弹，罗斯福也搞不定日本法西斯。所以说谁影响大还真不好说
最后，说个人是个坚定的技术派，更倾向肯定科技推动人类进步方面的成就，科学家有着不可怎么怎么的地位，但是没有政治家，人类的发展方向将时常脱离轨道

估计换成中文思考，你比我更能瞎掰。所以你的问题是没有仔细审题。另外薄弱的英语让你思维局限。keep up

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wapzs162783 · 发表于 2011-3-16 06:19:21

有个出现很多次的表达：amounts of，感觉怪怪的。可能是个错误的表达。

我查了查，好像是a large amount of , a large number of, numbers of 比较常见吧。

楼主不妨再确认下。

聪颖小葛 · 发表于 2011-3-16 12:14:49

In conclusion, I still persist that both scientists and politicians play an important role in human society. It is difficult to draw a conclusion which one has the不要the的吧？ greater influence than another应该是the other.

another是指三个或三个以上集合里的一个。

eihks623 · 发表于 2011-3-16 14:00:17

Writing 11[2011.3.9] 这篇文章写得别别扭扭,似乎又跑了,没提社会价值流失的问题. 唉,老是不得其法.

Most countries want to improve standard of living through economic development, however, others think social value is lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?

Recently, it is a highly contentious issue that whether the merits of the development of the economy outnumber the drawbacks. Some people advocate that the economic development contributes to the improvement of living standard, while others insist that people are losing their social values. In my opinion, although the economic development can bring a number of unfavorable aspects, its advantages still outweigh its demerits.

The human society benefits a great deal from the development of the economy. First of all, with the development of the economy, people have more opportunities to do what they want to do. Now, since the salary of working class is certainly higher than before, people have enough money to have a trip or buy things they cannot afford before. Moreover, as having been generally acknowledged, good quality facilities also can be provided by the government or companies due to the economic development. The government can impose more tax revenue, since companies make more profits than before as a result that individuals consume more products than before. Finally, economic development also can increase the opportunity of employment. It, therefore, can trigger a virtuous circle.

Admittedly, the undesirable perspectives cannot be ignored. To begin with, a major impact is the deterioration of the ecosystem. As a result of fast economic development, the forest was destroyed and the farmland was also demolished seriously. It also results in the extinction of some species of animals. In the second place, the problem of pollution is also serious. It is even difficult to breathe in some cities which are suffering from serious pollution. And we also lack clean fresh water to drink as a result that most of fresh water are polluted.

In conclusion, although the human society are facing huge challenge on the bad consequence of developing their economy fast, we have the ability to resolve most of those problems. Because economic development promotes the development of technology, which can help us to improves the standard of living.
Therefore I insist that the advantages of economic development outweigh the drawbacks.

to98ll75 · 发表于 2011-3-16 19:40:19

Recently, it is a highly contentious issue that whether the merits of the development of the economy outnumber the drawbacks. Some people advocate that the economic development contributes to the improvement of living standard, while others insist that people are losing their social values. In my opinion, although the economic development can bring a number of unfavorable aspects, its advantages still outweigh its demerits.

The human society benefits a great deal from the development of the economy. First of all, with the development of the economy, people have more opportunities to do what they want to [do, 可以省略do]. Now, since the salary of working class is certainly higher than before, people have enough money to have a trip or buy things they cannot[->could not，过去式] afford before. Moreover, as having been generally acknowledged, good quality facilities also can be provided by the government or companies [due to，用because of，因为due to一般是指不好的原因导致不好的结果] the economic development. The government can impose more tax revenue, [这里该断句了，语法错] since companies make more profits than before [as a result that，删去，因为有since了] individuals consume more products [than before，删去，重复了，有点罗嗦]. Finally, economic development also can increase the opportunity of employment. It, therefore, can trigger a virtuous circle.

Admittedly, the undesirable perspectives cannot be ignored. To begin with, a major impact is the deterioration of the ecosystem. As a result of fast economic development, the forest was destroyed and the farmland was also demolished seriously [用现在进行时更好，说明现在还在发生，如is being destroyed]. It also results in the extinction of some species of animals. In the second place, the problem of pollution is also serious. [For example,] It is even difficult to breathe in some cities which are suffering from serious [air] pollution. And we also lack clean fresh water to drink as a result that most of fresh water are[->is] polluted.[这一段是让步段，不宜写的太丰满了，那样抢了上一段的风头了；现在感觉也还好，不过还没有提social value的缺失，可以考虑删掉其中一点，换成social value的缺失]

In conclusion, although the human society are facing huge challenge on the bad consequence of developing their economy [too] fast, we have the ability to resolve most of those problems. Because economic development promotes the development of technology, which can help us to improves the standard of living.[红色这里全部都是新内容，在结尾段出现是很不合理的，直接删掉，然后把后面一句的therefore去掉，组成新的一个结尾段也马马虎虎了，比现在扯远了要强。另外because用错了，是带从句的。或者用This is because新起一句也可以] Therefore I insist that the advantages of economic development outweigh the drawbacks.

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天妒英俊 · 发表于 2011-3-16 20:46:39

ielts作文，只要2类句子
A 对 B有好处
例如……

以这种思路写，要简单很多。

例子要具体，比如这篇，经济发展和社会价值。
无非就是经济发展对物质生活好，例如吃了，喝了，买了以前都没有的东西
可是，社会价值却因此受损，例如因经济竞争使得人们没有同情心，可是同情心对什么什么重要，例如关心小孩，关心弱者，这些反过来，对我们和社会又特别重要
因此，怎么怎么

看看，是不是2类句子就可以？

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eihks623 · 发表于 2011-3-17 07:20:30

Wring 12[2011.3.10] Technological progress in the past century has its negative effect, despite its remarkable contribution. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The past 100 years have seen a dramatic progress in terms of technology. Some people advocate that the progress of the technology contributes to a number of favorable aspects, while others argue that it results in more undesirable perspectives. In my opinion, the overall impact of technological progress has in fact been negative.

Admittedly, the progress of technology is responsible for the civilization of humanity. To begin with, the invention of high technological items has brought considerable convenience to human society. For example, the advent of computers and internet has entirely changed the way we lived in the past. Not only can they help people have a remote chat in their home, but also they make shopping at home possible. Secondly, the technological progress improves the standard of living. It is possible for individuals to enjoy their life not only in material ways but also in mental ways.

However, the negative consequence is so serious that we have to devote ourselves to combat the problem. In the first place, as having been generally acknowledged, a major impact is the pollution of the environment. For example, it is even difficult to breathe in some cities which are suffering from serious air pollution. And we also lack clean fresh water to drink as a result that most of fresh water is polluted. In the second place, the deterioration of the ecosystem is so serious. As a result of fast economic development, the forest is being destroyed and the farmland is also being demolished seriously. Last but not least, human beings are becoming increasing lazy than ever before. As a result of technological progress, a vast number of new products are produced. Staying at home people still can go shopping, watch movies and even manage a farmland.

In conclusion, although technological progress contribute to the progress of society, I still insist that the demerits of technological progress outweigh its positive aspects in the past century.

eihks623 · 发表于 2011-3-17 14:45:19

Wring 13[2011.3.11]
The survey shows that in many countries, the people are living longer but increased life expectancy has many implications for the aging individuals and for society as a whole. What are the possible effects of longer living for individuals and society?

With the improvement of medical system, the age of people is increasingly larger than ever before. It brings plenty of effects not only for individuals but also but the whole society. In this essay, I will analyze the possible impact from both individuals’ perspectives and society’s.

For society, the favorable aspects of the impact are diverse. To begin with, it is a symbol of the great medical system of a country. The longer the age of the people in one country is, the more advanced the medical technology is. Everyone would be proud of the technology of their country which is more advanced than others’. Secondly, it means that the country owns more experience if the country has a vast number of aging people.

And, more aging population also contributes to some undesirable perspectives. Firstly, it is generally believed that it results in the pressure of the social welfare. The aging society means that most people arrive at the age of retirement, and the amount of the people who are still working is difficult to afford the welfare system. Secondly, more facilities for old people are needed, which would spend too much social resources.

From another angle, the desirable effects for individuals are apparent. In the first place, the more ages you live, the more generation the family will have. It is the key point of the harmonious society. Moreover, the greatest dream for almost everyone is living longer. No one would like to die early, and it is the instinct of an individual even for animals. Be alive is one of the happiest things in our life. Therefore, it is hard to illustrate that there are any unfavorable aspects on the longer age of people.

In conclusion, although the aging society brings some stress to the society, I still insist that living longer is the dream of humanity. Both society and individuals can benefit a great deal from the longer life.

[雅思杂谈] 为了第五次雅思,每天一篇作文求批改

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