为了第五次雅思,每天一篇作文求批改

人行便捷 · 发表于 2011-3-17 18:35:16

咦LZ考的是A鸭么？怎么题目看上去那么亲切

LZ要注意小的语法问题。然后阐述可以充实点。

Wring 12[2011.3.10]

eihks623 · 发表于 2011-3-18 03:51:20

Wring 14[2011.3.12]植树节快乐
这里的give your opinion,我阐述的是不是太少了点
Some people think zoos are cruel and all the zoos should be closed. However, some people think zoos are useful to protect the rare animals. Discuss both of these views and give your opinion.

Recently, it is a highly contentious issue that whether the zoos should be closed. Some people advocate that zoos play a crucial role in protecting the endangered animals, while the opponents argue that it is too cruel to close animals in zoos. In my opinion, it depends on the different kinds of animals, for the rare animals, it is of necessary to protect them through putting them in zoos; otherwise, this behavior should be abandoned.

There are a tremendous amount of reasons that animals should not be closed in zoos. To begin with, no one has the right to deprive the freedom of any animals. Since animals living in zoos are restricted in a limited room, they cannot behave like they living in the nature any more. Therefore, they will lose their passion and their talent after living in the cage for a long time. Moreover, their abilities of capturing other animals and escaping from enemies will gradually decay. For example, tigers which are enclosed in zoos for a long time will lose their abilities to live in the forest lonely.

By contrast, the advocators are capable of proposing plenty of factors to support putting animals into zoos. First of all, it is of importance to reserve the endangered species. Without the protection of humanity, some animals which lose their abilities to live in the natural condition would be likely to go extinct. Secondly, the main purpose putting animals into zoos is waking up the awareness of protecting animals. The way showing the animal in zoos, especially for children, that can transfer more information about wild animals with an aim to protect them.

In conclusion, I hold the viewpoint that whether the animals should be enclosed into zoos surely depends on whether the behavior is helpful for animal. It means that only the behavior of protecting endangered animal from going extinct is allowed.

eihks623 · 发表于 2011-3-18 13:21:35

Wring 15[2011.3.13]

Lately, more and more work has to be done by machines. Do you think the positive effects of this development outweigh the negative effects on individuals and society?

The 50 past years have seen an increasing use of machines which are used to replace manual work. While some people argue that it contributes to a vast number of unfavorable aspects such as unemployment, I hold the viewpoint that the merits of using machines outnumber its drawbacks not only on civilians but also on society.

There are a tremendous number of desirable perspectives with the use of machines. To begin, for individuals, machines can free them from the risky work circumstance. For example, machines are capable of helping police to trigger bombs which are found in the public place, and also can obey the command to explore the Mars where it is difficult for humanity to arrive at and return to earth safe and sound. Moreover, from society’s angle, machines would result in the improvement of the efficiency of work. Machines are more powerful than people, and they can work for a long time without feeling hungry. The revolution of industrialization has proved that the number of products produced by machines is hundreds of times more than the ones produced manually.

Admittedly, the unfavorable aspects of using machines to excess cannot be ignored. First of all, it can trigger the problem of unemployment. Because of the improvement of the efficiency, less worker are needed in modern factory. Therefore, an increasing number of people would lose their job. It may result in some social problems. But overall, with the development of economy, more opportunities of employment would be created; therefore, it is unnecessary to worry about the unemployment problem.

In conclusion, although the widespread use of machines is responsible for some social problems, the benefits of using machines are apparent. Therefore, my view is that the advantages of using machines instead of human being surely outweigh the defects of it.

一家之言LGM · 发表于 2011-3-18 17:12:13

The past 50 years have seen an increasing use of machines which are used[aim，刚用了名词use，这里把are used换aim] to replace manual work. While some people argue that it contributes to a vast number of unfavorable aspects such as unemployment, I hold the viewpoint that the merits of using machines outnumber its drawbacks not only on civilians but also on society.

There are a tremendous number of desirable perspectives with the use of machines. To begin, for individuals, machines can free them from the risky work circumstance. For example, machines are capable of helping police to trigger bombs which are found in the public place, and also can obey the command to explore the Mars where it is difficult for humanity to arrive at [Mars] and return to earth safe[ly] and sound[ly]. Moreover, from society’s angle, machines would result in the improvement of the efficiency of work. [This is because] Machines are more powerful than people, and they can work for a long time without feeling hungry. The revolution of industrialization has proved that the number of products produced by machines is hundreds of times more than the ones produced manually.

Admittedly, the unfavorable aspects of using machines to excess cannot be ignored. First of all, it can trigger the problem of unemployment. Because of the improvement of the efficiency, less worker are needed in modern factory[ies]. Therefore, an increasing number of people would lose their job. In addition, It may result in some social problems, [such as ...]. [But overall, with the development of economy, more opportunities of employment would be created; therefore, it is unnecessary to worry about the unemployment problem.，这里讨论‘没必要担心失业问题’是多余的，比较突兀]

In conclusion, although the widespread use of machines is responsible for some social problems, the benefits of using machines are apparent. Therefore, my view is that the advantages of using machines instead of human being surely outweigh the defects of it.

eihks623 · 发表于 2011-3-19 00:02:23

Wring 16[2011.3.14] 离考试越来越近了,已经买好了去济南的火车票
Studies suggest that children spend more time on watching TV and they did in the past and spend less on doing active or creative things. Why do you think this is the case? What measurement and methods can be used to deal with it.

Recently, research has show that the time which children spend on watching TV is considerably more than ever before, on the contrary, they take less time to attend active or creative things. In this essay, I will try to analyze possible caused and then propose some feasible solutions.

The reasons which contribute to this situation are diverse. To begin with, the more colorful and attractive TV programs should be responsible for this problem. Since the diversity of programs is increasingly greater than before, teenagers would like to cost more time to watch TV instead of doing other activity. Moreover, it is a major cause that working parents do not have the time to accompany their children. Facing growingly fierce competition and tremendous stress in their work, therefore, parents have to pay more attention to their job instead of their children. Last but not least, lack of facilities which are used to provide for youngsters also results in the fact. It is easy to understand the fact that parents prefer to let their children stat at home watching TV, rather than allowing they play in the street.

Therefore, measures should be taken to combat these situations. First of all, TV programs should be restricted, especially for these lacking educational content. Specifically, both parents and the government should pay more attention to limit adolescents watch too much TV programs. Secondly, parents should be more aware of the future consequence of spending less time with their children. It is necessary to cultivate children’s sense of family; therefore, parents would better to squeeze time to accompany their children. Lastly, the government should sponsor more safe facilities for children which can be used to attend activities. Parents would not worry about the safety of their children when there are administers who are responsible for their children.

In conclusion, a variety of reasons are responsible for this situation; therefore, we should take a range of measures, including programs restriction, more time accompanying children and more safe facilities.

texn3131 · 发表于 2011-3-19 10:30:20

Recently, research has show[n，低级语法错，大忌] that the time which children spend on[->in，回头复习下spend on 和 spend in的用法] watching TV is considerably more than ever before, [这里该断句了]on the contrary, they take[take应该指做什么事情需要多少花时间的意思，不是说某人花多少时间在什么事请上] less time to attend active or creative things[不用take又不要重复spend，这句话要大改了，(其实on the contrary放在这里也不好)，如：As a result, there would be less time for them to ...]. In this essay, I will try to analyze possible caused[词性不对，低级语法错] and then propose some feasible solutions.

The reasons which contribute to this situation are diverse. To begin with, the more colorful and attractive TV programs should be responsible for this problem. Since the diversity of programs is increasingly greater than before, teenagers would like to cost[用法同take，在这里也是不合适的。可以用spend，arrange，use等等] more time to watch TV instead of doing other activity[ies]. Moreover, it is a major cause that working parents do not have the[或者enough] time to accompany[或者用supervise] their children. Facing growingly fierce competition and tremendous stress in their work, therefore, parents have to pay more attention to their job instead of their children. Last but not least, lack of facilities which are used to provide for youngsters also results in the fact[the fact有点指代不清楚]. It is easy to understand the fact that parents prefer to let their children stat at home watching TV, rather than allowing they [to] play in the street.

Therefore, measures should be taken to combat these situations[->problems]. First of all, TV programs should be restricted, especially for these lacking educational content. Specifically, both parents and the government should pay more attention to [pay attention to后面应该接名词性的，整个这一句话语法很不通，像是chinglish] limit adolescents watch too much TV programs. Secondly, parents should be more aware of the future consequence of spending less time with their children. It is necessary to cultivate children’s sense of family; therefore, parents would better to squeeze time to accompany their children. Lastly, the government should sponsor more safe facilities for children which can be used to attend activities. [Then] Parents would not worry about the safety of their children when there are administers [who are，删掉，有些罗嗦了] responsible for their children.

In conclusion, a variety of reasons are responsible for this situation; therefore, we should take a range of measures, including programs restriction, more time accompanying children and more safe facilities.

低级语法错有一些，用词不够准确。整体论述感觉还行。

[]

eihks623 · 发表于 2011-3-19 19:12:06

Writing 17[2011.3.15] 消费者日
Travel by air is becoming cheaper and cheaper. Some people think it is beneficial, but other people think it has drawbacks to environment and the resoursed of the world. What is your opinion?

It is a high contentious issue that whether the merits of cheaper flight ticket outweigh its demerits. Some people advocate that the whole society would benefit a great deal from these cheap tickets, while others argue that it could result in environmental problems and depletion of resources. In my opinion, I hold the viewpoint that its benefits outnumber its defects.

The situation of increasingly cheaper flight tickets continues to a variety of favorable aspects. To begin with, it is generally believed that travel by air can save the time of travelling to other place. Especially for businessmen, they spend most of their time in having a business trip. Therefore, taking plane would help them squeeze more time to accompany with their family. Moreover, the widespread use of plane is responsible for the development of economy. This is because an increasing number of people would like to have a trip, while it is more convenient to travel by plane.

Admittedly, the unfavorable consequence of overusing plane cannot be ignored. First of all, it is a major cause of environmental pollution. The waste produced by aircraft is growing more than ever before. For instance, it is even difficult to breathe in some of developed cities. Secondly, this behavior can trigger the depletion of resources. The aircraft is powered by fuel, which is disposable resource. The more we use now, the less we will have in the future.

In conclusion, although the undesirable aspects such as environmental pollution, resource depletion are so serious, I still insist that the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages.

eihks623 · 发表于 2011-3-20 06:12:30

Writing 18[2011.3.16] You are a passenger of an airline company and during the flight you feel extremely unsatisfactory to the service. Please write a Letter of Complaint to the company. In your letter, you should
1. Say how you are ignored
2. Give some suggestions to fix the problem
3. Tell the owner further action will be taken if this problem remains unsolved.

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to complain about your service on the flight which I took last week.

I did not satisfy your service which is provided in your flight. I asked airhostesses to send me a cup of water, and they did not send it to me until I asked for five times. As you know, I need to take medicine before lunch time, so I have to get some water. Relating to deliver dinner, your airhostesses are so rude, that my package of food was broken. And I asked them to help me change another one. And I also wait more than half an hour. When I got the meal, the plane was preparing for landing. Therefore, I eat nothing during the flight.

I want to propose some advice to you, which I hope can help you to resolve the problem. First of all, the airhostesses are needed to be trained by some experts. This is because they need learn how to service their clients. Secondly, you should arrange some supervisors to monitor the behavior of airhostesses with an aim to improve the quality of service.

I hope you can apologize for your bad service to me, because I feel so unsatisfactory with your service. Otherwise, I will never take the flight of your company, and I also will tell my friends and colleagues never take your flights.

I am looking forward to your reply.

Yours Sincerely,

长线晾衫 · 发表于 2011-3-20 10:32:07

I admire your perpetual.
Your languages are more smoothly and easyto follow. I think you can get 6 or 6+ in the test.

It is a highly contentious issue that whether the merits ofcheaper flight ticket outweigh its demerits. Some people advocate that thewhole society would benefit a great deal from thesecheap tickets, while others argue that it could result in environmentalproblems ( degradation ) and depletion ofresources. In my opinion, I hold the viewpoint that itsbenefits outnumber its defects.

The situation of increasingly cheaper flight tickets continues to a variety of(various) favorable aspects. To begin with, it isgenerally believed that travel by air can save the time of travelling to otherplace., Especially for businessmen, (who) spend most of their time in having a businesstrip. Therefore, taking plane would help themsqueeze more time to accompany with their family.
Moreover, the widespread use of plane is responsible(helpful) for the development of economy. This is because an increasing number of peoplewould like to have a trip for its convenience, while it is more convenient to travel by plane.

Admittedly, the unfavorable consequence of overusing plane cannotbe ignored. First of all, it is a major cause of environmental pollution. Thewastes produced by aircraft is are growing more thanever before. For instance, it is even difficult to breathe in some of developedcities(this may not be caused by air plane, after all “developed”to illustrate county is not applicable on city). Secondly, this behavior can trigger the depletion of resources. The aircraftis powered by fuel, which is disposable resource.
The fuel consumptionof an aircraft is hundreds times than that of an ordinary vehicle. The airindustry can trigger the depletion of resources. The more we use now,the less we will have in the future.

In conclusion, although the undesirable aspects such as environmentalpollution, resource depletion are so serious, I still insist that theadvantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages.( you have a logical error. If the pollution is so serious, then you mustinsist that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages)

Inthis article, you mistake in weak argument of the advantages while illustratingthe adverse impact so strongly)

李家沟 · 发表于 2011-3-20 13:45:44

这封信让我笑死了，哈哈哈后

[雅思杂谈] 为了第五次雅思,每天一篇作文求批改

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