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最难缠钉子户 · 发表于 2011-1-11 19:02:24

spare no effort in sth.，好句子，收藏了^_^

最难缠钉子户 · 发表于 2011-1-12 00:22:04

The fifteenth essay

Many jobs in the home nowadays can be done by machines. Has it brought more advantage than disadvantage?

Answer:

As technology is progressing rapidly on various area in this day and age, there are increasing numbers of machines become replacing people to do their houseworks. However as people benefit from this progress, the others start to doubt it brings weaknesses outweighing its strengths. In my opinion, I agree with that machines help people do their household chores that brings advantages outweigh disadvatages.

No doubt that machines make people's lives more comfortable and convenient. Some household machines like washing maching, refrigerator and cleaner have become necessities in people's daily lives. By that people can save more time to do other relative important things. For instance, businessmen are busy, and they would have not enough time to do household chores but machines could help them. Similarly, household machine could let homemakers relaxed, they are alwas good helpers when homemakers do their houseworks. And maybe in the course of time, household machine could replace people to do all the persons' household chores.

Whereas, on the other hand, they have weaknesses as well. First and foremost, They are machines and most of them are using electricity power. that maybe cause more physical injuries when people use them improperly or use damaged machines. there are a vast number of accidents have happened because of using household electrical appliances. Furthermore, excessive dependence of using machines could lead people lazy and lack of sports. As household chores are main sort of sports for homemakers, the labour-replacing machinery could cause them obese. But, I think that could not happen probably, since they could find various ways to do sports.

All in all, household machines have helped prople to do their househould chores more easily, even though they bring weaknesses as well, but their upsides are outweigh their downsides further.

星GUANG · 发表于 2011-1-12 09:35:15

大致看了下第15篇文章，提醒楼主注意一下，多处句子中出现了双谓语，比如：there are increasing numbers of machines become replacing people to do their houseworks.中are 和become。
their upsides are outweigh their downsides further. outweigh本身是动词，前面不要加are。
还有单复数问题，比如housework是不可数名词，不要加s。

最难缠钉子户 · 发表于 2011-1-12 12:50:26

The sixteenth essay

Some people say that children should learn their second language as early as possible. Do you agree?

Answer:

As parents and educational institutions have paid increasing attention to children's education in this day and age. Some people start to claim that children should study the second language early. In my opinion, I agree with this point to some extent.

No doubt that, bilingualism has played an increasingly important role in people's daily lives in contemporary society. Because of cosmopolitanism, it is not uncommon that people would communicate with foreigner from greeting to business. Then, the second language in particular lingua franca would be necessitated. In this sweeping trend, it is vital that descendants should learn the second language early for the sake of adapting the society in the future.

Furthermore, children always have strong talent for learning language. As learning the mother language, children could acquaint themselves with new language faster than adult, and there seems to be plenty of research finding to confirm this. Therefore, parents could impart the second language to their children when they teach them vernacular at the same time.

Finally but not the less, language is culture in miniature. Through learning language children could acquire not only language skills itself but the countries' cultures what the languages from. These could enable kids to expand their outlook, and in the meantime, illustratedly cultural contents especially fairy stories could encourage children interest to study languages at an earlier age as well.

All in all, for the benefit of fullfilling children's potential, giving their preparation to adapt the society in the future, and stimulating their study interest. Kids should learn second language at an earlier age.

Maggieagec · 发表于 2011-1-12 15:16:08

看了LZ第 16 篇。能看出来努力的结果。文章结构上有所进步——能看得到文章的各中心点。缺点是结尾没有把该罗列的观点依照出现的次序重新摆放好。

语句使用的生硬依旧是LZ很突出的毛病。
题目说 as early as possible. 但你文中却说 early. 本来回避重复语句是值得提倡，但是改变句意那就不可取了。我想 childhood  这段时间比较贴题。

集中评点第一个观点段：

你使用了不少非常专业的学术词汇：bilingualism， contemporary society，  cosmopolitanism。建议好好体会一下各自的含义以后适当运用。小心成了老外写甲骨文。

说话不要故意绕圈圈。该肯定就肯定：
“ it is not uncommon that people would communicate with foreigner from greeting to business.”
-〉 It is a common request that from multicultural backgrounds can communicate with each other from greeting to business.

"the second language in particular lingua franca would be necessitated"

这个短句子有2点错误。
首先 lingua franca  通常指第三语言而不是第二语言。是两个不同语言背景的人为了沟通而创造出的第三语言。也可以是 working language. 比如语言中含 80% 意大利语，20% 法语。

necessitated 词性错误。

连词使用生硬：
Then，口语化连词。
In this sweeping trend：  什么在 sweeping  呢？用法太夸张了吧？

第四句：

descendants  是学徒。不适用于文中对象：儿童
“for the sake of adapting the society in the future”
词组使用： adapt ...to...

第二个观点，展开例证非常欠缺。而且第二句所说的：学第一语言很快。与是否该学第二语言没有直接明确的关系。

第三段，最有一句：过渡长句确不懂得如何适度停顿句子。由于标点符号使用错误造成后半句为语法错句，而且表意不明。

最后好奇问，LZ写文章可有掐时间？
建议注意复杂词汇和长句使用（根据LZ如今水平，建议尽量少用）。尤其注意一个句子有多少个动词。与其玩命写复杂的长错句，建议花点时间学点简单的造句结构，不要光是使用冗长的简单句式。

最难缠钉子户 · 发表于 2011-1-13 01:59:29

十分感谢3WU老师的关注和点评。
看来真是不了解文化写不好好作文，英文同意词太多，单词也知道不少，但说到使用场合还真是搞不太清楚。
这篇文章我大约花了近50分钟时间，相对有点慢，因为这是第一次用一面倒的方式来写。以前的文章在遇见不太熟悉的话题时花时间较长，大概需要一小时左右，面对曾经写过的或者话题内容相近的题目花时间久可以少很多，严格控制在时间内。
从我开始发这个帖子起，我就把大家对我提的建议都收录了下来，而且在写文章时提醒自己需要注意的事情。
Thanks for your time and all your help

czzw3505 · 发表于 2011-1-13 09:54:44

A. Change "The English" to English in the first paragraph, cos' The English means English people;

B. "it has been beneficial to these societies but causing some negative effects as well."
I consider that there is sth wrong with the sentence structure and it shoule be
It has been beneficial to these societies but has caused some negative effects as well.

C. Change "chate" to chat in the second paragraph

D. history and cultural -> history and culture

E. without interpreter -> without translation or without an interpreter.
In the longman dictionary , interpreter means: sb who changes spoken words from one language to another,especially as their job.

F. language -> languages

G. cannot be obsolete by a global language
obsolete -> obsoleted.
obsolete is only an adj. in longman,however it seems that it can be used as a verb,anyway I'm also confused...

That's all.

最难缠钉子户 · 发表于 2011-1-13 19:11:55

今晚陪老爸喝了点小酒，看不进英文了，明天定仔细阅读。by the way今天的分加完了，明天一定加！楼上看得很仔细，难为你了，我水平真是有限得很，但我一定会仔细去分析^_^，thanks for your tim^_^

多路源居士 · 发表于 2011-1-13 19:54:04

A. Subsequently, whether a vast number of offenders should be incarcerated or be rehabilitated has been a topic of controversy.

B. the people who commit a crime should be brought to justice
cancel "the" will be better I think.

C. with strict penalty ->with strict penalties

D. I would be hard-pressed to imagine that sending a flagitious criminal to school but not to cell will be better.

E. could rever to crime-> could commit crime

G.mould them become ->mould them into

我感觉这篇逻辑性虽然不是很强，但是词汇变化及高级词汇还是可圈可点，在下才疏学浅，以上供参考。

[]

sqlt · 发表于 2011-1-13 20:28:51

A. For the sake of resolving these problems

B. whether the factories and companies should be relocated to the rural or not

C. ,which has been a topic of controversy.

D. autoos -> autos

E. It seems like that

F. could be beneficial to address these problems
I consider that It's too serious of using word "combat" in this situation.

G. running cars' quantity in the city would be reduced to a reasonable level and could never see a heavy truck again
and 后面的could never see a heavy truck again应该有自己的主语，不应该是cars' quantity。

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