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最难缠钉子户 · 发表于 2011-1-13 22:53:42

obsolete是形容词，be obsolete可以作为。。。消失或。。。过时来用，不需要变换。
eg. the Internet will not render tourism obsolete 互联网不会让旅游业消失。
^_^谢谢点评。其他的问题很赞同，it seems like that "longman" is a valuable thing.

最难缠钉子户 · 发表于 2011-1-14 00:29:34

这句我写错了，revert to crime，意为再次犯罪。
词汇我是背得多了点，但在用法上问题很大，当初背的时候没怎么在意，现在吃力得很了。
^_^感谢点评

最难缠钉子户 · 发表于 2011-1-14 03:19:52

Your comments are correct, I have learnt a lot from your advice.
And...it seems like that writing things in English is a good way to study English well.

最难缠钉子户 · 发表于 2011-1-14 04:59:51

The seventeenth essay

Some parents believe that children's leisure activities should be educational others believe we should not put the pressure on children. Discuss.

Answer:

As educational institutions and parents have paid much attention to children's education in this day and age. Subsequently, whether children's extra-curricular activities should be related to education or not that has became a topic of controversy.

Indeed, kids do educational activities at their leisure time that would be beneficial to them. First and foremost, they could acquire useful knowledge or skills through these educational activities. For instance, they could attend some classes such as music, sports and dancing when they after school. Similarly, attending academic extra classes like second language and maths are always plenty popular. That could enrich children's knowledge and give them more adaptabilities to deal with their school days as well. Whereas, on the other hand, these extra activities also could put the pressure on kids.

Pressure would make kids learning things less effectively and frustrate their study interests. Essentially, children might never delight in studying things what they do not like or parents compulsorily send them to learn. More Precisely, kids are naturally playful, They prefer to do things they interested at their own leisure time, and they are averse that their parents arrange their extra-curricular time. Thus, they would suffer strong pressure under compulsion. By contrast, provided that parents send their children attending classes which they interested, kids might be quite to please.

Because of that, maybe sending kids to do extra-curricular educational activities and pressure free are not mutually exclusive. Parents could let their children to do some educational activities they interested thereby gaining diversions and knowledge at the same time.

In the light of mention before, children do extra-curricular educational activities could enrich their knowledge and skills, while the compulsory educate would put the pressure on them as well. Instead, parents could allow their children to do educational activities they interested, by that parents could kill two birds with one stone.

279j8jq3 · 发表于 2011-1-14 06:49:18

LZ 精神真是可嘉

感觉LZ 用小姨里的词汇句式，用的特别多

比如 3WU说的你用的专业词汇，以及双重否定的句子等等（小姨书上的好多词汇句子都用烂了，建议少用，你想我们都能看出来你用了参考书上现成总结的词汇和句子，考官更能看出来了）

其实我觉得， 6分的作文，重要的是词汇用的贴切的基础上有变化，句子正确贴切的基础上有变化，文章有逻辑，观点清晰切题，首尾呼应！

加油！！

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d5l0ir5w3 · 发表于 2011-1-14 13:28:29

加油！

最难缠钉子户 · 发表于 2011-1-14 21:48:16

Thanks for your admiration and advice.
I know I used too much words and phrases from "ten days" in my essay. And I keen to change, but maybe I need time to grow and accumulate.
In terms of article structure, just like what you said. I have made effort to improve it, and I'll continue to do.

My god! It's really TMD hard to write everthing in English.

最难缠钉子户 · 发表于 2011-1-15 07:12:46

Thank moderator. That's a great encouragement for me.

爱尔兰香槟 · 发表于 2011-1-15 14:49:27

我也这样认为，obsolete是个形容词。
我主要是被你后面一个by给误导了。。
cannot be obsolete by a global language
有 be +adj +by结构吗？

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j1xhyuuy6i · 发表于 2011-1-15 16:12:52

这一篇有点行文如流水的感觉了。我觉得应该可以6+了。
可我还没怎么练习呢。哎呀感觉自己好堕落。。。

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