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老实娃 · 发表于 2011-1-26 06:46:46

今天早上才写的，LZ你以后能提前点发下一篇作文题目么？
因为我晚上都要打工，回来太晚了而且太累一般就睡觉了。而且我在澳洲，有3个小时时差。。。。多谢~~~~

Some people say that developing should firstly expand tourism. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Governments from impoverished countries are usually enthusiastic about how to boost economical development. Some people believe that expanding tourism will be the right choice at the beginning. In my opinion, tourist, indeed, will bring huge merits, but its risk cannot be overlooked as well.

Generally, development in tourism will influence local people in many good aspects. First of all, comparing to other investments, developing tourism is a good bargain. It is a common situation that a relatively small amount of money invested in tourism would be able to bring remarkable profit. Moreover, tourists not only bring money, but also help locals to accept new culture and knowledge. Local people must show their hospitality and understanding to visitors in order to get their trust, which force them to learn other cultures. At last, other industries will also benefit from the progress of tourism. For example, new hotels and restaurants will be founded to meet the increasing needs, creating a great deal of employment opportunities as well.

However, expanding tourism might not be suitable for every place. Usually a place with nice natural or cultural resources will be more attractive to tourists. On the other hand, investment in developing tourism at a ordinary and unremarkable place may not be paid off. Besides, the inundation of tourists poses threat to local environment. A famous resort could suffer irreversible damage because of too many visitors, and after that very few people would visit as its reputation has falled.

In conclusion, it is worthwhile to develop tourism in places with special natural or cultural resources. Meanwhile, the possible drawbacks must also be considered.

DoozyDorsDiva · 发表于 2011-1-26 17:33:21

改后版：

Countries on this planet are developing rapidly because of the world peace in this day and age. As tourism has brought a vast number of profits to some countries, some people start to argue whether give the priority to tourism when a country is developing. (I like this opening paragraph. )

As a matter of fact, developing tourism firstly would really benefit a nation in various areas. First and foremost, a nation or a city often becomes better-known around the world for its gorgeous tourist attractions, as many foreigners remember Beijing for the Great Wall, Sydney for the Opera House, etc. In consequence, there are large numbers of foreign investments being attracted thereby boosting domestic economic progress. Subsequently, those foreign investments could be used to develop other aspects of national development. Thailand and Indonesia are the best examples to confirm this point. They have benefited from tourism enormously. But, on the other hand, it seems that they are just famous for their natural sceneries.
However, prioritizing tourism development is meanwhile accompanied by some negative effects. Firstly, the native culture would be impacted by the prosperity in tourism. Visitors/Travelers (这里是因为tourists这个词出现频率过高) from foreign countries will bring not only huge economic profits but also diversified culture which might erode domestic culture. Furthermore, numerous tourists would cause some environmental problems and bring up the crime rate. Too many people could overcrowd the place and overburden the traffic. Because of these correlated factors, a developing country will not have enough capabilities to control the situation when it only develops its tourism at first. In the course of time, not only will it lose its main cultural identity, but its economic and social stability as well.

Summarily, in my opinion, the development of tourism is important to nations, but prioritizing nothing but tourism might result in a severe consequence —— countries could end up earning huge profits, sacrificing their own cultural identities, and much more.
点评几点：
1. 进步很大。
2. 很喜欢用would吧，但是would不能乱用。将来的事情用will + 动词原形。表示可能发生的不好的事情用could + 动词原形。一般一篇文章里基本用不到几个would
3. 写到后来即使觉得逻辑有点不合理，也是可以补救的。比如你说了很多crime啊traffic啊不包括在cultural identity的事情，那就直接加上个social stability就是了 = = 或者想不到这个单词，就像我结尾一样，抒情一下，加个much more就是了 = =

林顺艺 · 发表于 2011-1-26 21:53:17

蜜蜂同学的改后版：

Governments of developing countries are usually enthusiastic about boosting economic development. Some people believe that expanding tourism will be the right choice at the beginning. In my opinion, tourists, indeed, will bring huge economic returns, but its risks cannot be overlooked either.

Generally, development in tourism will influence local people in many aspects. First of all, compared with other investments, tourism development is a good bargain. It is a common situation that a relatively small amount of money invested in tourism would be able to retrieve remarkable profit. Moreover, tourists not only contribute financially, but also help locals to accept new culture and knowledge. Local people need to show their hospitality and understanding to visitors in order to gain their trust, which encourage them to learn other cultures. At last, industries other than tourism will also benefit along with the progress. For example, new hotels and restaurants will be built up to meet the increasing needs, creating a great deal of employment opportunities as well.

However, expanding tourism might not be suitable for every country. Usually, a place with abundant natural and cultural resources will be more attractive to tourists. On the other hand, investment placed in developing tourism at an ordinary and unremarkable place may not be paid off. Besides, the inundation of tourists poses threat to local environment, making sites vanish in some extreme cases. A famous resort could suffer irreversible damage, reputation-wise and physically, as a result of having too many visitors.

In conclusion, it is worthwhile to develop tourism in places with special natural and cultural resources. Meanwhile, the potential drawbacks must also be considered.

点评：
1. 写挺好的。
2. Comparing to ***, I/we think … 因为是人主观去比较的 Compared with **, *** … 是两个互相比较的东西
3. Small amount of money总觉得可以有更好的表达，但是困了想不出来 = =

最难缠钉子户 · 发表于 2011-1-26 23:49:05

今早做完夜班回来，555，老婆就。。。送医院打点滴，如今的医院排队都得排死人啊。可怜我一宿没睡。等会还要上个个夜班。
明早还要陪老婆打点滴，作文要下午，甚至晚上才写。蜜蜂兄，不好意思不知道你的情况，我把明天和后天的topic都写上。
明天的：
Giving detailed descriptions of crime by newspaper and television, someone says it could make bad consequence, this kind of media should be restricted. To what extant do you agree or disagree?

后天的：
Lectures in the past were used as a way of teaching large number of students. but nowadays the development of technology, we do not use lectures. do you agree?

caqweyroypf · 发表于 2011-1-27 00:56:24

闪动和蜜蜂，

说一点感受，不知道别人是否认同，你们互相学习，互相修改，这个非常好，但看了最近2个topic, 我觉得你们的写作结构相相走偏了。
比如 topic: "Some people say that developing should firstly expand tourism. To what extent do you agree or disagree?"
闪动审题更贴近。可是，第一段第一句根本就是与题目毫无关联的 “废话”，请删除。第一段，我没有看到点题：“To what extent do you agree or disagree?” 也看不到你的文章大中心。
主体段落中心句不突出，我通常更愿意在在段落第一二句寻找段落中心，最后一句寻找归纳句。模凌两可的表示好、不好的语句不能作为中心句。中心句要落实到具体点子上。

比如，旅游业能拖动发展中国家的整体经济发展。
         文化遗产会被旅游人士所带来的异地文化所冲击。
然后，各段由浅入深地层层展开解释，枚举例子，最后提出归纳句：
      旅游业能刺激经济发展
      旅游业能引发文化冲击
最后归纳全文，呼应第一段最后一句中心句。

然而，无论是从闪动还是蜜蜂的文章上，我都看这些具体的中心句。一篇结构清晰的文章要跟一条鱼那样：抹去皮肉，光从骨骼也能辨识出是一条鱼。

虽然两者都有这样的突出问题，可是其中闪动在这篇文章的结构，做的稍微要好一点。至少能从段落第二句中提出相关核心字眼。可是你的第二三段的第一句，完全可以省去，或者挪位放到段落最后一句。因为他们并不含段落中心词。

同样的建议，适用于  蜜蜂。然而你的结构问题更加明显-你属于段内分中心。这种情况显示出你不懂得层层递进展开话题。这种分中心的格式，适用于口语- 当你需要使用流水账形式凑话题。可是在写作中，我个人不太认同流水账。这样的形式显得文章结构松散，中心分散。
最后，蜜蜂第一段第一二句似乎是离题。你说发达国家由于发展成熟愿意花更多心思考虑该不该利用发展旅游业促进其经济发展。其实我认为恰恰相反：不发达国家才会更愿意使用它们的自然资源增加其基本财富，从而为其他经济的发展创造物资基础。

htnr9856 · 发表于 2011-1-27 01:54:36

感谢3W老师点评，大作文结构我确实感觉没有摸到门道。您能推荐一些您认为在结构方面不错的参考书或者范文么？
我现在的写法基本是十天里面的四段式结构，优点是简单，比较容易就写够字数，但是也确实显得平铺直叙。

另外，我关于旅游业得那个文章，开头其实说的就是：不发达国家对发展旅游业进行原始积累有兴趣，看来还需要改改，表达上不够直观是么?

qqbja51086 · 发表于 2011-1-27 05:02:59

Question:
Some people believe a country will benefit greatly by a high percentage of young people go to university,others argue that it only leads to graduate unemployment,discuss both and give your own opinion.

Answer:
In this time and age, some people believe that a high percentage of undergraduated youngsters will make more profits to their nations. However, others concern more about the unemployment,which they believe it only leads to.

In my opinion, it'll be better to have a higher percentage of young people go to university. First of all, high knowledge and high-skilled people are required by the new century.Countries need their resources and intelligence to gain more increase in economy and other aspects.More over, employers from global factories and companies put more sights to the interviewers' study experiences and processes. Graduates with a higher certifications will attract more focus from their potential bosses. Furthar more, youngsters, who have learned more from universities , will going to have a wider horizon to search for their goals than others.

However, unemployment of graduates is still exist high for some reasons. Basically, some students think that there must be some jobs better paid and more leisure than the ones they have already found.Hence, they maybe give up and reach for another better ones. Additionally, employers would pay more attention to the reputation of the universities where the rookies graduated from. So there may be some barriers for others form the ordinary colleges.The last but not least, the occupations released from the society are mush less than the increase rate of the graduates.

All in all , thought there may be some difficulties to find suitable jobs, I still think that young people will be benefit from their studies in universities. Cos' the global economy is lack of human resources.Young people have their destiny to fulfill it!

[]

最难缠钉子户 · 发表于 2011-1-27 06:59:47

赶回家吃完饭就开始写作文，呵呵，总算完了，啥都没改。
The twenty-first essay

Giving detailed descriptions of crime by newspaper and television, someone says it could make bad consequence, this kind of media should be restricted. To what extant do you agree or disagree?

Answer:

Increasingly hige criminal rates have been the major risks for current societies in this day and age. Subsequently, as increasing media report criminal news in the press or TV, some people start to argue that reporting detailed criminal acts is improper and should be restricted.

As a matter of fact, to report criminal acts in graphic details could drive up already high criminal incidence. The people who hole a grudge against society would acquire the knowledge, which they would be tought how to hide their evidence and how to make a offence perfectly by detailed reporting crime scenes. Maybe, from societies to individuals cannot bear the subsequent consequences —— the perfect crimes —— those cannot be cracked by polices and could cause public panic. Furthermore, some people somehow like to simulate the crime scenes. For instance, Demon Jack is a serial killer and there still have imitators to simulate his murderous methods. Additionally, the victims who have been suffered from perpetrations could be traumatised again via watching the news they have really experienced. The details mean the realities as keen knives, cutting their already brittle hearts.

However, on the other hand, to air criminal acts will enhance the public security awearness. Some law-abiding citizens would learn some useful skills through these programs. They would acquire self-defence skill and how to avoid crime. No doubt that, people have strong curiosity about criminal scenes. In consequence, news outlets could augment their audience rating through airing those in partucular reporting details. Provided that they wish boosting public security awareness, it is gratuitous that describing the details of crime scenes unless just for the sake of enhance audience rating.

Summarily, In my view, reporting criminal news properly would boost public security awareness but reporting excessive details of criminal scenes should be banned.

最难缠钉子户 · 发表于 2011-1-27 17:07:31

学习了。would,should,might,could我一直以为是虚拟语气，相对的把will,maybe,can语气弱化一点，原来还有这层讲究。
这个补救措施，呵呵，绝对是超必杀一类的。收获颇多，谢谢^_^

最难缠钉子户 · 发表于 2011-1-28 01:57:30

compare 的用法一直不太熟悉，所以轻易不用，学习了。
3。原来都是夜猫子啊^_^，注意身体。
蜜蜂兄的文笔是不错，还有word可以看语法，我以前一直不知道word还能这么用。

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