作文求批

彭东 · 发表于 2011-5-23 05:15:19

To control your words within 250 - 280 actually is a big challenge. I give you some suggestions here. Try to control your essay in 5 paragraphs. First paragraph is the beginning, second, third and forth are the content and the last paragraph is the conclusion. And each paragraph control around 50 to 60 words. This will avoid you from writing too long and out of your control. And you can see clearly how many points you have in your writing. Or else you may only have one or two points and already finish up to 300 words. Hopefully my suggestion will help.

章山 · 发表于 2011-5-23 12:25:58

眼熟是因为这句是bee同学写的直接抢来用的但貌似这个句子是俺以前给调的所以就不客气了

章山 · 发表于 2011-5-23 23:20:13

sorry, I am not sure , I really wondered the way of idiomatic expression as well.

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章山 · 发表于 2011-5-24 02:32:00

It's true & agree with u and GOOD LUCY FOR U

TBH,I really want to learn what should I do to shorten these long long long sentences that look bad and I failed to control the point with this issue. so could u show me how to make them short and awesome? THX

章山 · 发表于 2011-5-24 13:09:56

one of some tough things for me is control the desire to tell the truth, which is a form of addiction.

yep, I did felt I've used up over 300+ words while the essay was just unfinished

thanks for your helpful advices

章山 · 发表于 2011-5-24 16:57:09

每一句都觉得太长我话痨我检讨.

章山 · 发表于 2011-5-25 01:34:13

price of necessaries of people’s lives
可能改成price of daily necessities 好些.

vjkx1906 · 发表于 2011-5-25 08:26:46

You know why it's difficult for you to shorten your sentences? I think maybe when you write, you think in Chinese and just translate your idea into English. Try to think in English, then you will write directly and not to translate your Chinese idea into English. Don't mind I correct some of your grammar mistake? "I did felt" should be "I did feel" because "did" already show past tense. Don't worry, basically your English is considered good. You just need to control your sentence length. That's it.

章山 · 发表于 2011-5-25 16:50:57

实在不知道怎么去表达了只能说握手啊理解万岁啊

udj94dfl · 发表于 2011-5-25 21:23:28

别灰心，我也是华人，当年也有和你一样的问题。但是，我的环境可以容许我用英语发挥，因为我住在马来西亚。我说了不怕你见笑，我大学毕业出来，第一份工在台湾公司上班，工作半年后，我发现到我的英语完全退化。后来我是在买了我第一台电脑后，上网找人聊天，而且是英语的，慢慢的英语能力才强起来。坦白说，换作我，我写不出你那种写法。我发现中国人背英语很强，特别是生字和文法，但是，在用起来却又不灵活。我看过一些你们中国人写的英文作文，写法真的跟老外很不一样。老外的用语都很精简和容易明白，但是你们写的句子又深又长。表面看似很好，很有水准，但是又觉得让人捉不到重点。我们家，目前有三个人需要考雅思，我老公和两个大的女儿。我在帮他们准备，也给我女儿找个老外补习。我本身是老师，所以，我也帮一点忙。但是，我不想破坏母女感情，所以，宁愿花钱让人教。你不用灰心，我告诉你，我老公是完全不会华文的华人，他只会英语和马来语。他目前在国外工作。他做的都是美国公司，每天讲的，写的报告都是英语，但是，我改他的文章，也很头痛。跟你的情况有点相似，不是没有写作的能力，而是，拿捏不到重点的问题。我是语言老师，所以我们在教写作时，有一些东西是要注意的。别担心啦！你的英语程度很好！真的！我这个人比较直接，如果说的过火，请多多见谅！

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