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[雅思杂谈] 本人剩最后一次机会考雅思了,求各位高手帮忙改一下作文(过了,谢谢大家)

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11#
 楼主| 发表于 2011-9-17 17:58:22 | 只看该作者 来自: INNA


各位高手你能帮小弟指出1,2 语法问题吗。我一直很不解语法出在那里。很多人也对我说起这事


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2014-9-21
12#
发表于 2011-9-17 21:25:25 | 只看该作者 来自: INNA


more and more people are not eating with families now.is there the similar situation in your country? is there any positive effects?

it exists (exist,不及物动词,用法错误……还不如就直接用is) a common phenomenon that increasing number of people are not having meals with families nowadays. My country is no exception(不知道有没有问题,怪怪的).In my opinion, this trend has some positive effects on individuals and society.

In my country ,there are great number of adults do not have  (去掉)eat with their family memebers. First and foremost, many people study or work far away from their homes .It is unrealistic for them to travel home to have meals with their family members. (这里要适当说明一下,论点过于单薄)Another factor should be taken into account is catering development. Nowadays, there are numerous restaurants around our (泛指,可以去掉) community(复数) and the price of (你不是买菜单是买菜……of改成on)the menu is quite cheapCheap稍微带点贬义,用relatively affordable吧. As a result, many people (people用太多次了……)are attracted (感觉说不出来的奇怪……
)to have meals outside with their colleagues or friends. Last but not least ,competition is increasingly stiff which (断句方便考官看懂) results in individuals have to work hard.In other words , they may work overtime  to finish the (their) job.So they do not have time to eat with families.

however,(前后貌似没有转折关系?直接写From economic perspective是否好点?) individuals and society can benefits(单数) from this phenomenon. Primarily,those people working hard are far more likely to be promoted (then??far more 是比较,比较的对象要说出来.As they do more tasks (复数) in their jobs , where (不加连词就变病句了) they will learn more. what is more, they also make more money on their position because they spend more time on the job. In addition, the more people have meals outside will boost the economy in hospitality industry. Then more people are engaged to work in this sector; therefore, it can effectively reduce the unemployment rate.

From above analysis, we can see that people are not eating with their family members is quite commen(common) in international community(国际社区???不懂……).But(同however,我认为没有转折) it still have certain benefits on individuals and society.

[]


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2015-3-23
13#
发表于 2011-9-17 21:48:40 | 只看该作者 来自: INNA


第一段我重写过了,不重复了。
第二段里有问题的句子我指出一下,不过只提句子结构上的问题,不涉及内容。

1.  there are great number of adults do not have eat with their family members.

adults 后面应该是个定语从句,所以不能直接跟 do not ........., 应该是 who/that do not ......, 那个have 也很莫名,LS的兄弟已经指出来了。

2. Another factor should be taken into account is catering development.

factor 后面加个 that 就对了。

3. competition is increasingly stiff result in individuals have to work hard.

可以改成 competition is increasingly stiff, which results in the fact that individuals have to work hard.

英语是有语法结构的,不是像汉语那样靠逻辑和先后顺序来解读的。具体的语法知识我解释不清,但只知道LZ你那样写是不通的。


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14#
发表于 2011-9-18 08:15:39 | 只看该作者 来自: INNA


从句的连词如果不是句子的组成部分,是可以省略的。
第一点同意,第二点的that我倒是认为可加可不加,都可以。第三点的which我认为也是可加可不加,但是如果加上以后会对句子的理解有很大的帮助,所以我倾向于加上。


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15#
发表于 2011-9-18 16:56:52 | 只看该作者 来自: INNA


个人意见,第二点必须加,如果不加的话,句子要这么改:
Another factor taken into account is catering development.

第三点,如果不加,口语中可以,书面语的话还是觉得是个语法错误。





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16#
发表于 2011-9-19 04:01:25 | 只看该作者 来自: INNA




毕竟写作考的是书面规格,从句需要加which/that不能省,which和that使用上的差别也需要注意。这些语法错误都会被考官认为是你能力上的差距。总之简单点说,一句话应该只能出现一组主谓宾。复杂句靠的是各式各样的零件用从句、不定式之类的方式挂靠到句子主干上去,如果一句话让人读出两三个谓语(非并列形式),那么绝对是语法错误。而且这种错误应该是比较低级的,会在很大程度上影响最终的分数。


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17#
 楼主| 发表于 2011-9-19 07:15:43 | 只看该作者 来自: INNA


非常感谢大家的指点,小弟明白了许多。在此感谢各位了。希望大家继续帮我指出所在问题。先谢!!!


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18#
 楼主| 发表于 2011-9-19 10:53:40 | 只看该作者 来自: INNA


感谢V2rain 对我的批改。我明白了许多语法问题。希望你对我的文章再指点1,2


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19#
发表于 2011-9-19 11:27:39 | 只看该作者 来自: INNA




本人剩最后一次考雅思了,求各位高手帮忙改一下作文
(这句中文有语病,建议修改为:本人剩最后一次雅思考试的机会了,……)

some teachers say students should be organised into groups to study. others argue students should be made to study alone. tell the benefits of each study method.which one do you think is more effective?

children's education is a hot topic always concerned by our society.People try to find out an effective way for students to study.Amongst the teachers ,views vary from people to peple,some of whom claim that students should study with groups;whist others believe that studying alone is more effective. In my observation, studying in a group is more effective.
children's没有必要,题目没有说任何children。可以是children,可以是teenager,也可以是adult,所有人都包括。
for students to study\\from people to people\\有点redundant。
teachers前面不用加the,个人意见。
some of whom没有这个用法吧。
in group不是with groups。
whist是什么?
建议写成如下:
Education is one of hottest topics and draws wide attention. To find an effective study approach, views amongst teachers vary. Some claim that student should study in groups. Whereas others believe that studying alone is more effective. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the former opinion.

Merits of studying with groups are numerous; i now intend to present some. to begin with ,students study in a group have more chance to communicate with others,which makes their academic studies more effective.For instance,if school children have problems about their courses; they can discuss the question with their classmates. in this process,it is very easy for them to remember the knowledge. what is more, studying groups save their time to look for the reference books. If they have questions,they just enquiry with their schoolmates. Finally, groups study makes the studying atmosphere more lively,because they have discussion.Then, schoolchildren will not feel that studying is very boring.
in a group建议改成in groups,
more chance建议改成more chances
school children中文我知道,学校的孩子们,英文建议可以换一种方式,例如children in school。
problems ----question近义词转换做到了,但是单复数问题考虑不周到。
studying gourp改成studying in group,look for改成look up或者直接改成consult。
groups study改成group study,discussion改成interaction,


It is undeniable that studying alone has its benefits.this is mainly due to the fact that students can concertrated on their tasks.They cannot be disturbed by others for there is no discussion around them and students cannot be distracted by their classmates behaviors. Additionally, students can perform on their own ways, if they study alone.For example,they can read loudly if they want to ease their minds. BUT they can not do this when studying with groups as they need to considerate others feeling.
benefits改成advantages.
this is mainly due to the fact that改成for
concentrate拼写错误
they will not be disturbed by discussion.
on their own ways改成in their own ways
considerate是adj,这里需要vt。


in conclusion, even study alone has its advantages, i still believe that  group study is an effective way for children to learn.
even改成even though.
for children to learn可以删除


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20#
发表于 2011-9-19 12:31:59 | 只看该作者 来自: INNA


楼上牛的  连楼主中文语法错误都给改了


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