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15#
发表于 2011-9-18 12:52:10
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来自： INNA
我也在雅思努力的路上，切磋一下，共勉共勉。
你的文章如下，我的意见穿插在其中。纯讨论，本人没有参加过雅思，所以不用考虑我的评论：
Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
With the rapid development of the society, some people tend to change their job after working at the same position for a period of time, although others prefer to engage the similar issue in their lives. In my point of view, I prefer to live a same life without some changes.
第一段的第一句话，本来需要介绍背景，但是rapid development和后面的东西一点关系都没有，有点牵强。
其次，避免redundant的现象，比如some people tend to change their job for another after a short period，再多有点点过。
再次，engage用法，一般是engage sb in sth，所以句子最好是others prefer to be engaged in issues of the same kind.
最后，冠词用法，i prefer to live the same life without any changes，或者i prefer to live without change.
Living unchanged lives can lead to some positive effects. First, long period of time on working the similar issue can give individuals a chance to become experts of certain areas, such as scientists, doctors and the like. If they could devote themselves entirely to their subjects with their whole lives, success could not be a luxury for them. Second, their families could be benefited from their working conditions, as they can provide their families with steady lives. Their family members do not need to move everywhere, if they can keep on doing the same job. Finally, it can strengthen their willpowers. Doing the same work may be boring and uninteresting; however, if individuals can successfully control their negative feelings, they can get strong minds.
redundant现象，unchanged life can produce positive results. 之前的living可以省略。
第二句，long time fixed focus tends to train people into expert of his field.
benefit前面不用加am/is/are。
Admittedly, changing jobs can obviously get some advantages for them. As everything has its special characters, with changing their status, they can experience different senses from kings of careers. But they would loss their chances to be experts of certain areas. Furthermore, changing there lifestyles may be enjoyable sometimes. As a result, unemployment can possibly meet to them, which could greatly affect their families’ living qualities.
这一段开始错别字有点多，我用红色标注出来。
In conclusion, I prefer to live an unchanged life, even though changes seem such funny and interesting.
such改成so。
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