作文离7分还有多远

fds8x952w · 发表于 2011-12-29 00:02:09

马上注册，结交更多同城好友，享用更多功能！

您需要登录才可以下载或查看，没有帐号？立即注册

x

Many people believe that scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the government rather than by private companies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The research of science and technology has become the main driving force of social development. However, who has the power in doing the scientific research is a debatable issue. Some people insist that the authorities should play the role doing the scientific research while others disagree this opinion. This essay will analyze that the government and the private companies are of equal importance on the research of science.

Obviously, the argument that the government should carry out the control the scientific research is not groundless. One reason is that some areas cannot attract the attention of top scientists and investment as the lack of direct profits, although they may essential to the society. Therefore, the research in these areas can only run by the government. Another reason is that some technology is used in the national defense. As a consequence, if these research tasks were carried out by the private companies, it would do harm to the national security.

On the other hand, the importance of private companies on scientific research cannot be ignored. The first reason is that the private companies update their technology and skills with great motivation. In this competitive society, only the company with latest technology and skills can provide the best products and service and therefore win the market. It is this fierce competition drives the private companies to do the scientific research. Another reason is that the private companies, which are more familiar with the demands of people, can do the relative research as the people’s real needs. Thus people can get more benefits from the research of private companies.

To sum up, the research of science by government and private companies concentrates on the different aspects, which are all vital to the people and the society as a whole. Therefore, for the sake of the social development, both of their researches should be encouraged.

时间真的是不够啊，觉得自己写的比较顺畅了，结果还是用了45分钟，这个速度在考场上死定了。。。

Estaninialk · 发表于 2011-12-29 08:48:23

提示: 作者被禁止或删除内容自动屏蔽

fds8x952w · 发表于 2011-12-29 20:27:30

多谢你的指点
第二段One reason is that some areas [such as ...,，最好举例说明，原来这么写说服力和连贯性差了不少] ，就是这个地方，我大概想了2-3分钟，没想出合适的例子，白白耽误了时间。
自我判断也是6.5分，网上改了很多篇作文，大概的水平自己也能估一估。感觉在规定时间中，要想几个合适examples还真不容易，一着急就只能不管，赶着写了，呵呵。
而且发现自己的critical thinking真的很欠缺，拿着题目有时候半天想不出写什么好。

笃信缘分的蝎 · 发表于 2011-12-29 23:06:29

好好看看这个，也许对你有所启发：

更新了！看了这个，就都会写雅思作文，除非……
http://www.localau.com/thread-989624-1-1.html

fds8x952w · 发表于 2011-12-30 05:34:51

Some people think it is more important for government to spend public money on promoting healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Today, the importance of health has been widely recognized throughout the world. However, how to allocate the government’s budget to improve people’s fitness arouses hot controversy. Some people insist that compared with spending money on treatment, it is better to allocate funds to promote a health way of live to the public while others do not agree with this opinion. This essay will argue that both of these two areas should be invested.

It is undeniable that promoting a health way of live to the public can benefit the individuals and the government as a whole. The first reason is that many people, especially in the major cities, lack an adequate physical excise and a regular diet due to the busy work. It is this unhealthy lifestyle that makes people suffer from diseases easily. If government could provide more excise equipments in the public areas and introduce some regulations to restrict over working, these people would reduce the possibility of getting ill. Another reason is that the improvement of overall fitness can actually reduce the financial burden of government. For example, as the demand of medical service declined, the government does not have to allocate as much budget as before on the running of public medical centers.

On the other hand, it is not suggesting that the government can ignore the illness people. The main reason is that all people, inevitably, will get ill throughout their life. It is the government’s obligation to ensure that all the citizens can access to the treatment when they are sick. Therefore, to maintain this public medical system, a large proportion of public’s money should be paid. Another reason is that some diseases, such as cancer and AIDS, which are the main causes of death today, have not been overcome. Thus some relative medical researches on these areas need the financial support as well.

To sum up, the establishing of mature medical system and the urgent medical research should be invested immediately. However, from a long term perspective, it is wiser for the government to spent money promoting healthy lifestyle to the public.
新年来了，新作也来了
伤不起，继续用了45分钟。。。我觉得时间控制是个大问题。我已经感觉是在不停的写了，停笔后一看，40分钟整（包括5分钟审题），再检查5分钟整整45分钟。你们之前考试都没有这样的情况吗

fds8x952w · 发表于 2011-12-30 08:49:29

1楼的文章外教批改给分6.5-7分，但是他建议每个主体段后面都加一句总结，说这样逻辑比较紧密。想想也对，我只是在罗列优缺点，很少有相对的比较。但是如果再加的话。。。估计写一篇要50分钟了

miisdty88 · 发表于 2011-12-30 16:26:53

不觉得有添加总结句的必要，因为雅思作文篇幅很短。总结句多是用于较长篇幅的段落或着是一个独立的段落里面. 段落总结句其实就是段落主题句的同义转换，外加该主体段论述要点的概括。其主要作用是便于读者归纳理解，在长篇大论里则起总结和强调段落主旨的作用。

在雅思作文里，通常是多余的。更不见得有‘逻辑比较紧密’的效果，也难以起到‘有相对的比较’的作用。其实主体段的主题句努力写好，就已经足够了。当然，有时间写，肯定也不会错，写得好的话，能更好地体现同义转换的能力和写作的水平。反正我是从来没写过的，时间紧啊

[]

进哥理财 · 发表于 2011-12-31 02:47:30

我考试的时候，如果大作文能有37以上分钟的时间，我就很有把握上7以上了。很多数时候我只有30分钟出头点时间写。。。。我每次小作文写得都贼慢，20—23分钟写完是最快的了。

不过看你也是40分钟完成了，那考场上紧张点，写完还是没问题的。检查的话，我考了13次，就一次有时间复查了。当然，我的速度算是比较慢的，很多人写得比我长，还早早停笔检查了，经常不小心瞥见的:-D

[]

Heiccasesause · 发表于 2011-12-31 06:08:00

should be invested （in）. 介词in应该还是要的吧？被动语态里这个比较容易被忽略。
health 词性错有几处
明显的重复冗余的表达如both和two
life和live混淆不清
创造了新词excise
equipments ，我记得是不可数的？
public’s money与public money都有出现
as the demand of medical service declined，被动语态 or 过去式？
the illness people，词性错
their life，单复数问题
death ，单复数问题
researches ，无复数形式
establishing ，既然有establishment，就不能用动名词形式了
to spent money promoting healthy lifestyle to the public，spent动词形式错，lifestyle缺冠词a （题目也没有，也许不需要a）

此外，定冠词the有几个地方乱用了

需雕琢的地方还不少不过都是小问题了。影响0.5分的评分吧，1分应该还不至于

[]

蔚蓝 · 发表于 2011-12-31 09:52:16

你这是考A 类呀？

[雅思杂谈] 作文离7分还有多远

马上注册，结交更多同城好友，享用更多功能！

个人中心