主体段来了，自己改了3回

gdhhua6580 · 发表于 2011-12-30 10:26:00

呵呵，我就是经常用 whether,,, or , or someone insist,,, wile. 不用这个感觉就不会开头了。

现身了，经常上来帮我们改改作文吧。

gdhhua6580 · 发表于 2011-12-30 12:40:11

有写了几个Introduction, 大家帮忙看看，接下来要写主体段了.

Some people think that good health is a basic human need so the medical service should be run by the government instead of profit-making companies. Do you agree or disagree?

1) As one of essential areas, medical service always attracts everyone’s attention. Some admits that health care should be only run by the government because it is a fundamental need of human beings while others argue profit-making companies should operate this service. I am in favor of the first view.

2) In some countries, the governments runs all medical services only, while in other countries where both governments and companies involve in this public sector, it is up to people to decide which is preferable.

3) As one of essential sectors, medical service always attracts everyone’s attention. Which party can provide better services? Governments or companies? In my opinion, both of them have respective merits and demerits.

cugyag1x9w6 · 发表于 2011-12-30 21:07:41

都不是很好。。。而且always和everyone的出现也不好。
2最不好。1和3的问题在于不够循序渐进，有明显的跳跃的地方，不舒服不自然。

下面这个形式可以参考一下，逐步推进：
Health, like education and freedom, is essential to people’s wellbeing. Generally, health care can be provided either by the government or by private companies. However, due to the high cost of private medical services, some people think that medical services should be totally provided by the government other than private companies. In my opinion, both forms of service providers have their own merits and demerits and thus [把你的观点再明确点出].

再看看v26v26oo写的开篇，也是一个循序渐进的过程：
http://www.localau.com/thread-999641-1-1.html

The research of science and technology has become the main driving force of social development. However, who has the power in doing the scientific research is a debatable issue. Some people insist that the authorities should play the role doing the scientific research while others disagree this opinion. This essay will argue that the government and the private companies are of equal importance on the research of science.

其实关键的地方就是第一句不要写任何关于你的观点或者你要讨论的问题的东西。仅仅是一个背景，告诉读者：哦，这篇作文要写的health或者是science and technology ，这是一个重要的话题，有实际的意义或有其商业的价值等等，挺不错的呢。然后读者就可能会有兴趣想要看看作者具体论述了health或者是science and technology 相关的什么样的观点或问题争端呢？

隐晦点说，“前戏很重要”，你懂的，所以不要太直接抛出问题的争端或你的观点，循序渐进，一步一个脚印很重要

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gdhhua6580 · 发表于 2011-12-30 22:24:16

我想过你的这种开篇，但是当时没有找到合适的连接词链接第一句和第二句，所以作罢。现在看见, generally, 觉得用的很好。以后我可以借鉴

我觉得第二句比较难想，要连接第一句和第三句，而我又想避免 some people insist... while others... , or some people think...的句子，所以这个gap between the first sentence and the third sentence 比较难连上。

q20052005 · 发表于 2011-12-30 22:38:24

这个不要紧的，多虑了。只要写的合乎逻辑，前后连贯，用词得当，没有什么句式是绝对不能用的。

当然这是一家之言，如果你有比较好的其它的写法那再好不过了。一般来说，写无定法。重要的是条理清楚，连贯得当，通篇读下来能一致烘托出你的写作水平就OK了。

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xwgouyi001 · 发表于 2011-12-31 06:05:46

Education is increasingly important for a nation. Some people think the government should decide what students study in university. Others think students should study what they prefer. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
The importance of college education has been widely recognized throughout the world. However, it raises concerns about who should be responsible for what the students learn in the universities. Some argue that the government should have the power to stipulate the curriculum, while others think it is the students who should have the final say in the subjects they want to learn. From my perspective, university students should have the right to decide on what to learn.
这个是从太傻的一个帖子上看的introduction,评价是very good
Some people suggest that high school graduate students should go to universities to have higher education, but others encourage students to find jobs to meet the needs of the society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
The importance of education has been wildly recognized throughout the world. However, whether high school graduates should receive the further education in universities is an issue that arouses controversy. Some people think that choosing to work after graduate from high school is the quick way to adapt to the society while others disagree with this opinion. From my perspective, going to universities after graduation may be the better option for high school students.
这个是我模仿上面的写的，评价是Good introduction!
LZ可以借鉴一下，

gdhhua6580 · 发表于 2011-12-31 15:40:10

谢谢 yrqin 和 v26v26oo分享。

明白了！那我就不用纠结了

gdhhua6580 · 发表于 2011-12-31 22:46:28

我的新练习。

These days, some people give more value on competition than cooperation and they insist that students should not attend sports which arise more competition than cooperation. However, I believe sports play a pivotal role in children’s education and consequently should be encouraged.

It is common for schools to encourage students to take part in all kinds of sports as it is helpful to increase strength and build up strong minds. However, a negative voice is heard saying that sports can cause more competition than cooperation and consequently students should not do sports. As far as I am concerned, this opinion can not hold water.

It is no doubt that Sports, especially team sports， always involve team spirit and cooperation besides competition. Without the co-working of the whole team, including every player and other supporting members, the team could not beat their rivals and achieve the final success. In basketball matches, the ball is always transferred to the person who is nearest to the basket while others take the responsibilities of protecting the ball from the other team. It is cooperation rather than the performance of a single player that decides which team will win the victory.

When it comes to individual sports which bring more competition than cooperation, I still believe it is also beneficial for kids’ development. It is beneficial for children to know at the early age competition, which exists in their studies and working lives, is a normal part of human nature. Recent research reveals that children excelling in sports tend to mature into adults who have positive and realistic attitudes to lives.

However, it is unacceptable that schools overemphasis winners of sports, such as giving them more awards or special privileges. This will cause students to think of winning as the only thing to get rewarded, and see other students as obstacles to success, which is not conducive to a healthy perspective about sports and life.

In conclusion, not only individual sports but also team sports brings rewards to students. Therefore, sports should be encouraged in schools. Meanwhile, winning in sports should not be overemphasized.

写完这篇文章，有些事情还不是很清楚。竞争和合作在孩子的教育是个很复杂的topic. 孩子的幼儿园，在三岁的时候就已经开始强调竞争性了，例如吃饭吃得快的，就可以得小贴贴，后面的没有。竞争不可避免的，只能尽量做到晚提。但目前的环境还是很难的

我是开心的燕子 · 发表于 2012-1-1 01:21:21

我个人对这个问题的看法。首先，竞争是孩子将来成功的基础；在这个竞争激烈的社会，如果孩子没有竞争意识，那么将跟不上同龄人的脚步并最终被淘汰；其次，合作也是为了最终能让自己的团队在团队竞争中获得胜利。因此，从小培养孩子的竞争意识，是值得提倡的。
我现在觉得，一边倒比中立的观点更容易写，也能更清晰表达自己的观点。尽管可能逻辑不那么严密，但是就雅思作文来说，言之有理即可。

gfav4945 · 发表于 2012-1-1 01:39:15

第一段和第二段是什么关系，2个introduction?

[雅思杂谈] 主体段来了，自己改了3回

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