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14#
发表于 2012-2-14 08:24:44
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只看该作者
来自： INNA
内容先不说，有一些很刺眼的语法和词义方面的错误：
Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding changes. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Transformation 变形？ happens all the time in everyone’s daily life. We cannot refuse the change and avoid making change even if some of us dislike the changes which have happened and will happen.
Some people hate the transformation as they are hard to be used to changes which has happened at a staggering 如果意思是“令人震惊的”，是指特别高还是特别低呢？还有一个意思是“步履蹒跚的”，更加不通了 rate. For instance, the computer which is the most significant invention in 20th century, deeply impact our daily life, makes changes itself everyday and everyone living in the society have to adapt to the changes, since without computers, individuals cannot continue their normal daily life, despite of this, some elderly people still refuse to use computers as they feel it is too difficulty for them to operator them. 用了since 既然/因为, despite of 尽管, 但是逻辑上不通啊。而且从for instance开始都是逗号连接，结构模糊了。 Moreover some transformations which bring people disadvantageous 这个词用来修饰influence不合适，是“不占优势”的意思 influence make our life even harder than before, consequently, we really do not want these changes. For instance, 又是 for instance,重复了 the economic recession happened in recently 这里应该是形容词，去掉ly years make 用一般现在时不妥，而且即便如此也应该是第三人称单数 an increasingly 又把副词当形容词了 number of people live in poverty, another example that can be used to illustrate the negative changes is the frequent regional conflict happen 这里语法错误了 in contemporary world, the vast majority of victims lose their homeland and live in fear and without hope everyday and without ..... 这个书面语中不妥，而且用现在进行时比较好. On top of this, it is understandable that some individuals refuse the changes happen 又是语法错误，that happen 就OK among them.
However, there are a booming number of changes which make our life happier and easier, thus, some people who believe changes is a good things is reasonable. iPhone 4 which is very popular all over the world last year can be very easily found on streets and offices, why are people crazy about this tiny lovely cell phone？Since it indeed bringS our life more convenience and happiness. People can easily read novel in their boring duty off trip which they have to suffer from every day. Another example is cheap air travel which comes out in recently years, as a consequence, people who are fond of traveling can spend less money in flying to foreign country instead of spending a great deal of money in the past. Overall, we certainly can accept the changes that make the world a more beautiful homeland 这是祖国的意思，世界大同还早吧，呵呵.
In conclusion, we should put a lot of effect 你是想写effort吧to make positive changes to impact our life. By contract, 应该是contrast吧 we should avoid the changes that are harmful to the human being.
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