和老婆快快吵起来了，大家给评评哪个开头更好

天天乐百事 · 发表于 2012-2-8 04:00:44

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刚练完一篇作文，老婆看了说开头写的太烂，

好吧，我承认我的英文不咋地，但是她一天也没复习居然敢嘲笑我，忍不了了！

干脆就让她也写个开头，大家给评评哪个更好点儿。

题目：

It is suggested that all mothers and fathers should be required to take childcare training courses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A开头：

It is widely accepted that the period from 0 to 3 years of a child has profound influence on his or her development in both intelligence and personality. Obviously, parents play an essential role in this period. However, when it comes to the issue whether parents should take childcare training courses, people still hold opposing opinions. In this essay, both sides of the views will be discussed and then I will give my opinion.

B开头：

Parents have to pay much more attention on their children today than they used to do, because the only child in the family always burden the whole family hope, which leads to the emergence of the organization serving young parents to improve their childcare training skills. However, some people hold an opposing view that such courses are waste of time and energy. In this essay, I will analyze both sides of the discussion and then give my opinion.

yzoadagcg · 发表于 2012-2-8 15:31:55

A好些，B比较Chinglish

i1zhyuux6i · 发表于 2012-2-8 19:14:13

两夫妻好可爱啊。两个人一起努力好欢乐。

owuj4875 · 发表于 2012-2-9 01:22:01

同楼上，A好些，但是 period from 0 to 3 years of a child 要改改，没这么表达的。刚出生的是new born，1岁以下都算infant，1-3岁算toddler。可以改成the first 3 years of a child.

B的问题一是中式英语，另外一点是，只有在中国才是每家只有一个独生子女。用来作为开头不好，非要用起码得加上in China这个大前提。

一点愚见，仅供参考。Just my 2 cents.