求拍砖

tbyg1865 · 发表于 2012-2-13 17:34:02

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一战鸭子的时候是被LG逼上刑，还没有准备好就去了，所以烤糊了。现在痛下决心好好学习了一翻。也不知道现在的作文可以拿几分，发上来请高手指教。

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people decided to do this.

Nowadays, when secondary students accomplish their study, they could probably be encouraged to have a one-year work or travel before start their university life. Does ‘resting’ for a year really overweigh going to university directly?

As for the advantages, one year working or travelling between graduating from high school and beginning university study can help students in regard to future university study and life. Comparing with the boring words in books, it is more attractive and practical for young adults to go to other countriesplaces, not to mention live for several months. Hence, they can easily remember their experiencesthe local culture, such as what kind of food is forbidden locally and the reasonsthe local culture and customs, which are quite helpful for their academic study and research. In addition, both having a job and tourism are important chances to improve the ability to deal with communication problems which they would meet in university life. share ideas with others. The more talks the young do the less communication problems they will meet when they enter universities.

As for the disadvantages, students who don’t directly to for study could be inferior to their peers considering future careers. One-year delay in entering university means leaving one year later than peers. In that situation, new graduates need to compete with the school leavers graduated at the same time as well as the previous graduates who are seeking a job in the same period. Unquestionably, the number of competitors has been increasing year by year.

As mentioned, there are benefits and drawbacks for both directly going for study and working or travelling for a period after secondary school study. Personally, the primary responsibility for the young is learning knowledge. Thus, their first choice should be studying in university not working or travelling.

tbyg1865 · 发表于 2012-2-13 19:50:37

沒人理我

waxpfvlb10 · 发表于 2012-2-14 05:09:16

lz 你的长句好多阿，但语法错误也不少，开头第一句就有
句子写得简单点，论点写得深入点，中式思维抛点掉
文章看着很累哦。。。

逃避心理 · 发表于 2012-2-14 05:29:43

我理一下你吧，我前两天刚被拍过。
语法我也不好，我就不多说了
但是我看出来一些小问题，
如第一段：
before start their university life =》 before starting their university life
overweigh => overweighs
第二段：
As for the advantages 这个不可以这么用吧，还有后面很多没有空格，中式表达
第三段：
don’t =》 do not 这个千万不要搞错了，不能缩写的。

建议楼主还多练习，共勉吧，一定会进步的

tbyg1865 · 发表于 2012-2-14 09:43:41

谢谢啦，空格在哪里？能否指出？
另外，before是可以接句子的，before start在这里可以不是错误的吧？不是很肯定，希望高手来确定。

[]

tbyg1865 · 发表于 2012-2-14 15:20:32

平时工作就是看学术文章，长句子看习惯了，自己也不知不觉跟着用...

tbyg1865 · 发表于 2012-2-15 01:24:58

沒有高手來指点我一下吗？

jerseytp · 发表于 2012-2-15 10:45:16

俺也就6分的水平了，跟楼主探讨一下，不知道对不对哈
Nowadays, when secondary （不知道加上school可不可以，不加肯定不对） students accomplish their study, they could（would？） probably be encouraged to have a one-year work or travel before start（starting） their university life. Does ‘resting’ for a year really overweigh（outweigh） going to university directly（directly提到going前面如何？）?

深圳小菜鸟一个 · 发表于 2012-2-15 20:04:58

呵呵,哥怕把你拍成内伤就不好办了. 以下是一些最明显的错误，红色是语法问题，蓝色是错误或怪异的用词。
研究如何写好句子之前，先做到如何写正确的句子。

Nowadays, when secondary students accomplish their study, they could probably be encouraged to have a one-year work or travel before start their university life. Does ‘resting’ for a year really overweigh going to university directly?

As for the advantages, one year working or travelling between graduating from high school and beginning university study can help students in regard to future university study and life. Comparing with the boring words in books, it is more attractive and practical for young adults to go to other countriesplaces, not to mention live for several months. Hence, they can easily remember their experiencesthe local culture, such as what kind of food is forbidden locally and the reasonsthe local culture and customs, which are quite helpful for their academic study and research. In addition, both having a job and tourism are important chances to improve the ability to deal with communication problems which they would meet in university life. share ideas with others. The more talks the young do the less communication problems they will meet when they enter universities.

As for the disadvantages, students who don’t directly to for study could be inferior to their peers considering future careers. One-year delay in entering university means leaving one year later than peers. In that situation, new graduates need to compete with the school leavers graduated at the same time as well as the previous graduates who are seeking a job in the same period. Unquestionably, the number of competitors has been increasing year by year.

As mentioned, there are benefits and drawbacks for both directly going for study and working or travelling for a period after secondary school study. Personally, the primary responsibility for the young is learning knowledge. Thus, their first choice should be studying in university not working or travelling.
[]

Google测试员775 · 发表于 2012-2-16 01:20:13

我支持你把楼主拍成没有外伤的内伤

[雅思杂谈] 求拍砖

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