雅思作文历程 - 改名了

wandou333 · 发表于 2012-2-27 13:56:08

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让这个帖子记录本人雅思作文的学习过程吧

第一次写大作文，感觉吃高中的老本，请大家评估下，可以有几分？我好校准下，继续努力。谢谢。。。

People believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn and should not pay tax to the state. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people complain that every month they should allocate a part of their salary to pay the tax and there is not meaningful for themselves. Does it right? Of course, the tax is important to me, you and others, and it is one of the most vital factors of sustaining the modern society to go on. We should pay our tax to make our world better.

Can you image if there are no hospitals, schools, police station and governments? All chaos would arise, the children can not find anywhere to study, the patients can not find anywhere to see the doctors. The buses will not run along the street any more, the subways in the city are not available any longer. We citizen can not live even a day without public facilities. All these facilities need the tax to maintain them running normally.

The governments collect the taxes, and gather them together. The officials will act on a plan detailing how to use the tax properly, such as how much will be allocated into the public transportation, how much into medics or education. These taxes should be used to keep our modern lives much more comfortably and conveniently.

So, you can see the tax is very important for us all, and we should pay taxes from our salary. However, the governments must engage in how to measure the ratio of taxes reasonably, because some poor people should afford much less tax, even free, than the rich men.

[]

9mf6f177 · 发表于 2012-2-27 14:50:39

LZ我觉得5-5.5.语法错误太多了，并且建议你还是听听雅思的课，每个考试都有套路的，你要明确他的评分标准有目的的练习。

wandou333 · 发表于 2012-2-27 15:23:58

谢谢建议，有道理，先摸清楚套路。我要多多努力啊，。。。任务很艰巨。。

wandou333 · 发表于 2012-2-27 23:17:12

我打算把练习作文陆续放上来，激励自己前进。这是第2篇：
Most children spend a lot of time watching TV shows and playing computer games. Should parents limit the time spent in front of the TV or PC for them? Give your opinion.

Nowadays, the children tend to spend more and more time on watching TV programs or playing PC games in their rooms rather than doing exercises outdoor or studying. I believe that their parents should teach them do not take too much time on the TV or PC, after all, these habits are bad for their health and study.

Indulging in watching TV or playing games will consume a great deal of time of children, thus, they do not have much time to communicate with their friends and parents. Gradually, they will become more isolated and stubborn . What is more, their eyesights will become weak and their bodies will become plump because of lack exercises.

There is an example about my younger nephew. He is 12 years old and he likes PC games very much and spend all his spare time on playing games. Once a new game's CD is released, he will buy it as soon as possible. He grasped 20 kinds of games and knew every details of these games. Fascinated by games, even in his classroom, he still researched the skills of the games in his booklets, regardless of teachers' talking. These games influence his study result greatly, he is hardly interested in studying and gets D at every exam.

All in all, spending too much their time on watching TV or playing games is bad to the children, parents should lead them to use their time properly which is good for them either physically or mentally.

wandou333 · 发表于 2012-2-28 11:06:48

3. Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding changes. Others,however,think that change is always a good thing. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In modern society, pursuing the development of individual personalities results in diversities of thoughts to handle faires. Some people like a fixed work never changed, other active people tend to change his work frequently. I would like to believe that changes of their jobs certainly bring them more enthusiasm but the works should not be changed too often.

Normally, a cautious person likes to do the same thing all in his life, repeating the same thing everyday brings him the efficiency and the accuracy, he will be familiar with the procession very much and be aware every rules in detail, furthermore accumulate the rich experiences of his occupation. However we should also see that a long term repetitive working tend to be boring gradually to a person, with the increasing disappointment and dissatisfaction, he will be unhappy and lose the interesting for the job little by little.

On the contrary, change is a good thing sometimes, which brings people the fresh air like a gentle breeze and gives them the sunshine breaking through the dark of the emotions. Changing a job always arouses their enthusiasm hidden in ones' hearts too much longer. The lives return to be bright again, the people get an other chance to get more achievements. Of course, to be honest, changing too much or too often might influence the development of their careers, it is even bad for the professions, they can not accumulate their qualifications and not reach the higher platforms in your career lives.

Taking everything into considering, changing things in your lives is on some degrees good to you, but you should not change the things frequently too much, every 3 or 5 years is better, thus you can get continuous experiences that is important for your career and keep passion in your lives.

cbikv7688k · 发表于 2012-2-28 13:52:45

建议LZ多搜索本版精华，了解论述类文章的大致脉络。满地的I和You可不是什么好主意。
这三篇写的都不太像论述文，第一篇像税务机关吓唬人，第二篇像家庭教育版，第三篇像知音共同问题就是缺少有效的逻辑证明观点的有效性。
当然总体上3写的比2好一些，2写的比1好。如果这个是写的顺序的话，那还是可以看到进步的。不过还是需要提高练习效率，有头绪了再多写，毕竟时间不多。

wandou333 · 发表于 2012-2-28 19:51:35

“知音” 太强悍的评语了，确实按顺序写的，也让自己看看有没有进步。。我的悟性还不够啊，再加强理论学习，强调逻辑证明。。。多谢指点，呵呵，过几天我顿悟下练习练习

wandou333 · 发表于 2012-2-29 00:07:58

Some countries are providing general education in secondary schools, while others are teaching skills specific to a future career. Which type of education would be a better choice these days, in your opinion?

写的时间好长，组织内容，浪费时间

4. With the development of economics and technology, the education increasingly play a key role of strategy in every country. Meanwhile, different countries have their own special understanding about how to carry on the education. Some believe that secondary schools should provide general education, others argue that skills teaching should be the prior task in secondary schools. However, in my views, both opinions have their merits on some degree.

General education gives secondary students opportunities to develop the abilities of studying widely so that the students can pursuit further higher education, such as undergraduate and graduate education, after they graduate from the secondary schools. Through these systematic trainings, they will be scientists, doctors, and senior engineers one day, and also benefit the economic constructing and science researching for their homeland.

At the same time, professional education of teaching special skills in middle schools helps students to grasp the techniques that are usefull in the future career. They can handle much more problems always seen in every day, for example, fixing cars, making delicious dishes and so on. After graduation and stepping into the society, they can be senior workers, cooker and other experts. With their help, the living level and the technology level will arose rapidly.

From the discussion above, it is not difficult to find that these two kinds of education benefit the social lives from different sides. Skills education would give the country more techenique's vigor as well as general education brings more economy and science's vitality, the country should pay the same attention on both of them.

wandou333 · 发表于 2012-2-29 01:59:44

自我感觉在组织结构方面还是缺少讨论，凭自己的感觉和思路随意写，这个可能是我需要改进的。

wandou333 · 发表于 2012-2-29 10:22:05

我琢磨出来我前几次作文的组织结构方面的问题。

当作文题目是问我对一个事物的看法的时候。我是从自己的角度去解释这个问题的：
0. 背景
1. 看TV多长对身体不好，对学习不好
2. 看TV影响了家庭的团结
3. 所以不应该长时间看电视。

而在雅思作文书中，是从解释别人的看法入手，套路是这样的：
0. 背景
1. 一部分人认为TV有好处，理由一是方便接受新信息，理由二丰富文化娱乐生活
2. 另一部分认为TV有害处，因为他占有太多时间，耽误学习，并且疏远了家庭关系，削弱了交际能力
3. 通过上述套路，我认为不应该长时间看TV.

一定要按雅思作文套路么？

[雅思杂谈] 雅思作文历程 - 改名了

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