【作文急改 4-21烤鸭】请各位帮忙改作文，谢谢！！！

黄丫丫 · 发表于 2012-4-17 16:47:40

马上注册，结交更多同城好友，享用更多功能！

您需要登录才可以下载或查看，没有帐号？立即注册

x

421就考试了，请各位帮忙改一下作文。多谢了！

Task Statement: People prefer to go shopping in the supermarket rather than small shops and local markets. Why has this happened? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

With the rapid development of the commerce, supermarket gradually has become a high priority for many families and households seeking to procure all kinds of necessities in the contemporary society. Despite the fact that many argue that the local stores are preferred due to their convenient locations, I tend to agree that the supermarkets provide more desirable advantages, and at the same time, promote people’s living standard efficiently.

There are many reasons to believe that the supermarkets should prevail over small shops. The primary factor is that the supermarkets provide better selections of commodities than the counterparts. In this sense, the customers can efficiently choose and buy what they need. Another obvious reason is that the prices of products merchandised there often lower than small grocery stores simply because the supply chains of supermarkets buy and sell in big volume and extract good deals from their suppliers. Moreover, the professional after-sales services of supermarkets are able to provide better user experience.

Considering the favorable merits of the supermarkets, they greatly promote the social and economic development. From a social prospective, the supermarkets enormously boost the employment opportunity as a large number of customer executives, managers, accountants are required to run these big businesses. Even from an economic development prospective, the supermarkets play a pivotal role since they enormously revolutionize the international trade. This can be best illustrated with the global supermarket chains, such as Wal-Mart, which not only merchandise domestic products, but import exotic commodities.

In conclusion, in regard to these significant advantages, the supermarkets apparently boost the efficiency and productivity of the individuals and the society as a whole. Thus, should the owners further our supermarkets in the right ways, the human beings could profit from these advantages and improve their well-beings.

]

黄丫丫 · 发表于 2012-4-18 04:23:55

求关心

黄丫丫 · 发表于 2012-4-18 05:10:52

hhehjfokht · 发表于 2012-4-18 13:59:36

写的太拗口。而且一些定冠词的使用有语法问题的嫌疑。改一下第一段看看。

Thanks to the rapid development of commerce, supermarket undoubtedly has become a high priority choice that many families would like to go to procure various household necessities. Although some people argue that local stores are better for shopping due to their convenient location, I tend to agree that supermarkets have more advantages than local stores.

黄丫丫 · 发表于 2012-4-18 23:11:50

谢谢谢谢！！我在我的word上面改一下。如果有其他的不妥请说出

gpqm7570 · 发表于 2012-4-19 04:46:20

挺好啊，6分

黄丫丫 · 发表于 2012-4-19 07:49:04

谢谢帮忙看哦。我要7分以上，否则就算砸了

HY0916v59m · 发表于 2012-4-19 11:25:07

你的作文老师呢？快让老师帮你改。

黄丫丫 · 发表于 2012-4-19 20:31:36

谢谢挽尊，我只有网上的批改服务，没有什么老师。只有来这里求师了。
remark band7

[]

黄丫丫 · 发表于 2012-4-20 06:19:26

大家觉得全文最后一句是不是需要修改呢，因为only太极端。我有这个想法：

原文：Thus, only by further improving the way we manage our supermarkets can we make sure that the mankind can enjoy the advantages of supermarkets.

修改：Thus, should we further our supermarkets in the right ways, the society as a whole could considerably profit from their advantages.

[]

[雅思杂谈] 【作文急改 4-21烤鸭】请各位帮忙改作文，谢谢！！！

马上注册，结交更多同城好友，享用更多功能！

个人中心