发现localau的作文点评更好。再贴一篇。

通江正直人 · 发表于 2012-4-25 23:36:32

马上注册，结交更多同城好友，享用更多功能！

您需要登录才可以下载或查看，没有帐号？立即注册

x

这篇自我感觉不错的说。欢迎泼冷水啊，我好继续努力突破。

Task subject

The computer is widely used in education and some people think teachers do not play an important role in the classroom. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Nowadays, computers are becoming increasingly important in education. However, I argue that teachers should be playing the leading role in class, transferring knowledge and providing guidance to students.

Human minds are much more sophisticated and versatile than computers, and thus there are considerable benefits for human beings to perform the teaching tasks. First of all, it is well known that teachers’ characteristics and styles have strong influence on students’ behaviors. It is often the case that teachers, by their personal charm, attract students to concentrate in class and build up students’ personality. Whereas computers are machines with programs and have no distinctive features. Furthermore, teachers value the differences among individuals and thus can adopt different methods to educate people of different interests and preferences. In contrast, computers are standardized and can only treat people in the same way. Finally, education by computers is one-way communication, teachers, however, provide more interaction with students. It is obvious that computers cannot understand students’ questions thoroughly, and can be even worse with answering. Discussion, as one key element in education, is mandatory and only teachers could serve this purpose.

On the other hand, computers are effective aids in teaching. With computers, teaching materials can be prepared more easily, which saves a lot of time and energy of teachers. The employment of software can help to produce vivid and interesting presentations, and thus can draw students’ attention and enhance their concentration in class.

In conclusion, teachers undoubtedly should be the dominant characters in education and their positions can never by replaced by any other instruments such as the computer.

[]

7c20r60f24 · 发表于 2012-4-26 09:47:08

字句上还是需要推敲。

而且开头段和结尾段不够给力。据说有些偷懒的考官是只看开头段和结尾段的。

通江正直人 · 发表于 2012-4-26 17:15:42

我是看了simon的网站，说开头和结尾没什么重要的，说到了题目就行了。正文才是拿分的关键。看来introduction和conclusion还是得加强啊。

笃信缘分的蝎 · 发表于 2012-4-27 01:05:36

词语跟句子已经相当漂亮，但是逻辑辩证略欠，

要我打分会给6.5~6

如果逻辑理论提高一点的话，能拿到7.

通江正直人 · 发表于 2012-4-27 07:18:57

你的意思是论据不够充分？有什么好的办法提高呢？

通江正直人 · 发表于 2012-4-27 17:53:11

改写了introduction和conclusion。字数上升到322.

With the tremendous development and enormous penetration of information technology, computers are far more widely applied in education nowadays than ever before. However, I argue that teachers should be playing the leading role in class, transferring knowledge and providing guidance to students, while the computer is merely an effective tool to facilitate the teaching process and should never take priority over teachers.

In conclusion, even though proper employment of computers are contributing to the efficiency and effectiveness of education, teachers are still the most fundamental and determining element in teaching and have the most significant influence on students. Their positions can never by replaced by any other instruments such as the computer.

没态度 · 发表于 2012-4-27 20:14:23

个人认为写得很好，呵呵！

jcty7708 · 发表于 2012-4-28 03:09:07

Nowadays, computers are becoming increasingly important in education. However, I argue that teachers should be playing the leading role in class, transferring knowledge and providing guidance to students.

Human minds are much(without much. It sounds like you despise computer and is not discussing neutrally. If I were you, I would not use "much" here) more sophisticated and versatile than computers, and thus there are considerable benefits for human beings to perform the teaching tasks. First of all, it is well known that teachers’ characteristics and styles have strong influence on students’ behaviors. It is often the case that teachers, by their personal charm, attract students to concentrate in class and build up students’ personality(their personalities). Whereas computers are machines with programs and have no distinctive features. Furthermore, teachers value the differences among individuals and thus can adopt different methods to educate people of different interests and preferences. In contrast, computers are standardized and can only treat people in the same way. Finally, education by computers is one-way communication, teachers, however, provide more interaction with students. It is obvious that computers cannot understand students’ questions thoroughly, and can be even worse with answering. Discussion, as one key element in education, is mandatory and only teachers could serve this purpose.

On the other hand, computers are effective aids in teaching. With computers, teaching materials can be prepared more easily, which saves a lot of time and energy of teachers. The employment(introduction. employment is for people) of software can help to produce vivid and interesting presentations, and thus can draw students’ attention and enhance their concentration in class.

In conclusion, teachers undoubtedly should be the dominant characters in education and their positions can never by replaced by any other instruments(I think you can stop here, without "such as computer" sounds stronger.) such as the(remove "the") computer.

苦命的霞阿 · 发表于 2012-4-28 11:54:45

I also think this essay is a good work. Interesting and few errors.

I proposed some advises as above. Please check it.

通江正直人 · 发表于 2012-4-28 16:29:29

Thank you for the correction. Very careful and very detailed.

刚才google了一下，employment确实用在people，看过一篇文章，用的是employment，看来还是不对的。
可以用introduction或者application都应该可以。

such as the(remove "the") computer.
task的题目中就是the computer，我follow了题目了。觉得是有道理的。既然computer是可数的，那就应该是a computer，或computers，或the computer。

[雅思杂谈] 发现localau的作文点评更好。再贴一篇。

马上注册，结交更多同城好友，享用更多功能！

个人中心