作文累积贴，求批

psikd7r0l5 · 发表于 2012-4-21 12:25:28

Some people say the popularity of English and tourism will harm the minorities and minor languages, to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

With globalization process, the common language - English has been using by a great amount of people, especially used by tourists who travel around the world. Some scholars point that the rapidly globalization development would harm minority cultures (minorities and minor languages), while in my opinion, it is not entirely true.

It is generally acknowledged that tourists bring newly information and their own thoughts to minorities via English, and this behavior affect local culture. Firstly, minorities would learn English if they need communicate with tourists. As the trend of increasing using proportion, minor languages would gradual disappear if minorities get used to speak English. Secondly, people always enhance themselves initiatively when they have been told there is a better way. The information minorities got, makes them thought deeply. Meanwhile, it might change their traditional life style, such as, use lighter to make fire instead of drill woods. Therefore, tourism and English are really impacting local surroundings negatively.

On the other hand, minority’s culture and minor languages have been concerning by increasing number of individuals because tourism make people get better understand how important to protect them. Governments and individuals are willing to invest in this field due to the well understanding. Based on such circumstance, both of them are protected by powerful supportive which can ensure the culture will never disappear.

In conclusion, it is the truth that minorities and minor languages have been affecting harmful. But, I am strongly believed that it is impossible for has negative influence only, because they are getting an enormous benefit from tourism as well.

The common language - English has been using by a great number of people with globalization, especially used by tourists who travel around the world. Some people pointed the rapidly globalization development would harm minority cultures (mainly in minorities themselves and minor languages), while I think, it is not quite true.

Tourists brought variety of information and their own thoughts to minorities by English when they traveled to other nation. In this case, it had affected local culture for sure. Firstly, minorities would learn English if they should communicate with tourists. As the proportion of used English rise continuously, minor languages would gradual disappear. Secondly, people always heighten themselves actively when they have been told they can do better. The newly information minorities known, makes them reconsider problems and try something new. That is to say, it might change their traditional life style, such as, use lighter to make fire instead of drill woods. Therefore, tourism and English are impacting local surroundings negatively in some extent.

On the other hand, minority’s culture and minor languages have been concerned with an increasing number of individuals, because tourism has been making people get better understand the importance of protect them. Governments and individuals are willing to invest in this field due to well understanding. According to such circumstance, both of them are protected by powerful supportive and it benefits minority cultures.

In conclusion, it is true that minorities and minor languages have been affecting harmful. But, I am insist that whole event should not has negative influence only, because they are getting an enormous benefit from tourism as well.

[]

走过彩虹桥 · 发表于 2012-4-21 14:21:00

楼主很勤奋努力，但是你这样闷头写效果不好
当务之急是要消除那些明显，低级的语法问题，否则分数很难上去，
你回头看一下你写的，单看语法

psikd7r0l5 · 发表于 2012-4-21 18:39:10

多谢提醒, 现在问题就是,改完了就看不出什么错了.....是不是找人批下作文比较好?
需要研究下语法书么?

ar13hujmpf · 发表于 2012-4-22 05:46:29

你现在的要害就在语法上。

The common language - English has been using by 应该是被动 a great amount of people with globalization process, especially used by tourists who travel around the world. Some scholars pointed 指出应该是point out, 而且这里用过去式也不合适，that the rapidly 这里不应用副词 globalization development would harm minority cultures (mainly in minorities themselves 这个没懂你想表达什么 and minor languages), while in my opinion, it is not entirely true.

Tourists brought variety of information and their own thoughts to minorities via English when they traveled to other nations. 没有必要用过去式 In this case, it had affected local culture for sure.没必要过去完成时，完成时即可 Firstly, minorities would learn English if they should communicate with tourists. As the proportion of used English 这个很怪，你应该是想说 English User 吧 rise 应该加s continually, minor languages would gradual 这里倒是应该用副词了disappear. Secondly, people always enhance themselves initiatively 这句什么意思? when they have been told they can do better. The newly information minorities known, 不解 makes them reconsider problems and try something new. That is to say, it might change their traditional life style, such as, use using lighter to make fire instead of drill drilling woods. Therefore, tourism and English are really impacting local surroundings negatively in 应该是to some extent.

先保证把句子写对，然后才能看如何去写好。

psikd7r0l5 · 发表于 2012-4-22 16:42:53

多谢大侠多次相助，这初中不好好学习又没读过高中的人，真是伤不起。。。。。

psikd7r0l5 · 发表于 2012-4-23 00:40:03

You have been experiencing problems with the local public transport. Write a letter to the manager of the public transportation services and say:

- How have you used the local public transport?
- What problems have you experienced?
- Suggest how they can improve the service.

Dear Mr. Hanson,

My name is Dick Wang and I go to the office from home by public transport every day. I am writing this letter to flinging out two suggestions, because the service you offered has disappointed me a little.

I prefer to take the bus to the company at 7 in the morning everyday as there is a bus station close to my apartment. But I had found the bus came by hourly since last month. That is to say, I would have to wait next one for an hour if I miss the schedule. In my opinion, the time gap is too long, especially during rush hour. I missed one last Friday and I was late for work with no doubts, because there was no other public transport could take.

My suggestions are: adjust the frequency on bus arriving in 20-minute intervals and add a new one which can take passengers to the closest subway station. It is important for individuals who live around here because we do not have other public transport nearby.

Neighbors would appreciate if you consider my suggestions seriously. Please let me know the decision you made. I am looking forward for your reply.

Yours Sincerely,
Dick Wang

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q0i9kbfe5 · 发表于 2012-4-23 04:02:49

Thanks

psikd7r0l5 · 发表于 2012-4-23 13:38:57

You have recently made a purchase from the local department store. However, when you arrived home, you found a fault with it. Write a letter to the manager, say what the product is, explains the problem and say what you'd like to be done about it.

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing this letter to ask returning the CD player which I bought yesterday.

I came into your store and purchased a CD player back in yesterday afternoon. The CD player is produced by SONY and the type is BXD-9141. This CD player worked fine at first, but it was broken after 20 minutes. Certainly, there is no mishandling during the operation. While it should work well and play music continuously, the disc stop rolling and the player’s body is unusually hot. What I thought first was the CD did not work, so I changed another one. Unfortunately, it could not work either.

For now, return the CD player is all I ask. It is universally acknowledged the poor quality is the only reason which lead to the CD player broken itself. Were you prefer a refund, I would accept it. On the other hand, you would change a new one free of charge.

Please let me know any progresses regarding to this; I look forward for your reply.

Yours sincerely,
Jane Wang

ksy7m6v5z · 发表于 2012-4-23 15:03:16

临睡前，上来打击一下楼主：（，反正我也是在攻写作。
基本Follow楼主的思路修改了一下第一段，因为不是我自己熟悉的思路，所以难免差错请各位斧正。
Shopping is becoming a way of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Recent year, people spend increasingly money on shopping. Some expenses are used to buy necessities, while in others are just for entertaining. Thus there is a question concerned by individuals, which is whether whole society can be benefited from over-consumption? From my point of view, the answer is yes – that is to say, it is a positive development.

>> In recent years, increasingly more people are shopping for entertainment rather than to buy what they really need. Nevertheless, as to whether this trend is positive or negative, people retain diverse attitudes. Personally, I reckon that the benefits of this phenomenon overweigh its drawbacks.

下面的论证逻辑不通顺啊，题目让你论证娱乐，你说的是过度消费啊。
First of all, over-consumption waste money is the most important aspect that a host of consumers are believed. But in fact, this conception is not totally correct. Firstly, it is not wasting that consumers buy something valuable and useful, even though they buy a vast number of commodities back and never use. For instance, purchase antiques. Secondly, we cannot arbitrarily conclude as there are various ways that individuals taking care of their personal goods wisely. Donation is a case in point. Therefore, over-consumption is nothing directly related to wasting.

楼主的TA、CC、GRA肯定到不了7分，TA/CC怀疑到不了6。LA似乎还可以哈应该在6、7之间吧。

psikd7r0l5 · 发表于 2012-4-23 19:40:33

多谢,我把要求贴出来仔细看看....

task response:
• addresses all parts of the task
• presents a clear position throughout the response
• presents, extend and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to over-generalize and/or supporting ideas may lack focus.

coherence and cohesion
• logically organizes information and ideas, there is clear progression throughout
• lises a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-or over use
• presents a clear topic within each paragraph

lexical resource
• uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
• uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation
• may produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation

Grammatical range and accuracy
• uses a variety of complex structures
• produces frequent error-free sentences
• has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few mistake

[雅思杂谈] 作文累积贴，求批

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