雅思作文，你让我很伤痛。裸求提高写作水平的方法

大中華 · 发表于 2012-7-14 08:27:54

step by step我会继续努力琢磨第三遍，有机会和大家分享。
楼主学习中，大家拭目以待吧。谢谢关注此贴

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cd_119 · 发表于 2012-7-14 17:39:55

http://www.globalissues.org/

会盖邦 · 发表于 2012-7-14 20:11:27

哈哈,猫兄,我是ZAM, 终于看到你的作文了.

坦率的说,你的作文的确没有到7的水平, 虽然字里行间可以看到你把那些高分词用得很熟练了. 但是很勉强, 给我的感觉是用了还不如不用. 因为读得比较拗口, 你的文章给我的感觉就是中式英语比较严重.

那,就我两个月来的作文总结, 好的句式其实很简单, while(when)/where/among(who)/because/although/therefore/rather than, 这是你的7张牌, 对于每个句子, 都尝试着用这些从句去充实,写饱满. 很快你会发现你的句式就变漂亮了. 如果你有收集那些英文的漂亮段落,你会发现大部分无非也就是用这些从句来连接的. 但是很可惜,对于中国学生,用得最多的好像是which从句. 而且到处都是which. 这七个其实也很好记忆,其实就是我们初中作文一直强调的时间地点人物,再加上逻辑上的因果关系,很好记忆.

你的文章另一个大的缺点就是空洞. 大而空, 就好像每天都在喊'好好学习,天天向上'的口号,但是怎么学习,什么叫向上. 不明白. 这也是我的文章的缺点之一, 也是我一直在锻炼改进的目标之一. 对付这个缺点, 上面的这些从句可以起很大的改进作用.

生意人家 · 发表于 2012-7-15 03:17:45

这个怎么说呢
总体上我还是觉得作文上相比无疑是G类要比A类的容易一些
如果想要分数高一些，还是觉得G类的希望更大
主要原因是书信题比图表题要更容易写，不愁没素材，编一些都可以，而图表题如果内容一多，要挑出合重要且合适在150字内能说清楚的，还要对比，还要趋势，还要用一些专门的academic的词语还是很挑战的
而大作文上我个人感觉似乎题目的要求也要比A类容易一些，个人感觉
所以如果时间多，A类的可以尝试一下

我觉得A类的好处阅读就不说了，见仁见智，有可能比G类更容易拿高分，再有就是口语有可能印象分比较容易拿得到，A类的考生学生多，说英语的能力一般都不如工作过的，所以混在他们里面可能有一些优势。

nqdon · 发表于 2012-7-15 06:10:33

我来说说我的感觉哈。标红的地方大多都是我觉得不太合适或者怪怪的，也有少量部分是我改了一下。
总体感觉是地道不够，有些用词用句我觉得有点怪怪的那种。还有coherence我觉得要提高，因为读起来并不是很顺畅地过渡下来的。

但这个题目我觉得我是有点疑惑：Some say that secondary school tend to spend less time on traditional subjects such as history and should spend more time on communication skill and business courses.
是在拿tradictional和communication skii/business 作对比么？

It is true that education has become a priority for the majority of students seeking to secure a bright future for their lives. In regard to the disciplines of secondary school, such as conventional course, communication techniques and business knowledge, I disagree that modern courses should prevail over than the traditional ones. Therefore, I tend to believe that they should be equally imperative for the young learners to acquire.

首句背景句和话题有点点远。 prevail over后面为什么还要跟个than

On the one hand, there are many reasons to believe that the traditional courses are indispensable necessities for secondary school students. First, these disciplines could foster the students to have the primary capacity of the literacy. For instance, learning local and foreign languages have the potential to further the young learners’ skills which enable them to use the languages fluently. Consequently, such reading, writing and listening skills are more likely to enrich their work and life. Second, the courses, like history and geography have higher likelihood of cultivating the youngsters to gradually appreciate of the sense of national pride. In particular, if the students could learn their countries' historic heroes and marvelous landscapes, they would deeply love their countries and spontaneously devote their lives to them after graduation.

谁have potential? learning local and foreign languages?

On the other hand, some other majors also play a pivotal role in secondary school education. First of all, the communication skill has become a significant course for most students because such life skills could enormously dominate the social relationship and academic study of the students. In particular, without good communicative capability, the young learners could not acquire the academic knowledge from the educators and their peers efficiently and effectively. Meanwhile, awkward language skills may hinder the youths to establish friendship with their counterparts and adults. Moreover, secondary school students should learn the business courses since such knowledge has been one of the important employable skills for most school graduates. Therefore, secondary schools should considerably prioritize this course at the early age of the students.

major 不等于 subject. Meanwhile有些问题，meanwhile指的是同时，这个同时和中文不一样，指的是时间上的同时，在这里用我觉得不合适。hinder from. prioritize为什么还要considerably? 什么又是 at the early age of the students??

In conclusion, it seems to me that the conventional courses, communicative skill and business courses are equally important for secondary school to gain as a whole, in terms of the significance of their considerable impacts on both the work and life of the youths. In this sense, I disagree that modern courses should outweigh the traditional ones.

一家之言，仅供参考。

莫向东风怨离别 · 发表于 2012-7-15 09:54:21

我说一点相反的观点（好像雅思作文Task2啊）
对于一些人来说图表比书信更容易拿到高分，书信需要编或者虚构一些内容，图表则是客观陈述，基本不存在无话可说的情况。从TA的角度来说，你只要兼顾极值、对比、趋势（不一定有）就不会有太大问题。这对于理工科或者学经济的同学来说并非难事。分段也简单，只要合理的分为两段就可以了，加上前后总共四段。用到的词汇也相对有限，但是对于描述的主题来说要找到四五个同义词或者同义表达确实不容易，所以，假设LR6分应该还是比较容易的。对冲七的同学来说GRA到7应该不是难事。所以图表题拿到6分问题不大。据环鸭的杨涛老师说T1大家很大的丢分都在TA和CC上面，也就是覆盖了那些特征点，以及分段是否合适。
大作文我也是决定A类容易。因为G类的题目更加生活化，也就是属于所谓的社会类。这个话题范围太广了，准备topic language不容易。

总之，这种事情我觉得其实要看人，并不是所有人都更适合A类或者G类。

大中華 · 发表于 2012-7-15 10:52:03

伟岸的zam兄弟，你说的是。我自己也感觉文章很空，而且中式英语严重。这2两方面我是改进的重点。我暂时不写了，要总结下。

谢谢mcroder，我目前还是继续准备G类吧。把大作文作为一个重点去攻克。

七分大人icde的批改很中肯。我自知现在作文问题很多。你的建议我收纳了慢慢品味。

楼主在耐心的走中长线了，谢谢关注

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chaine744 · 发表于 2012-7-15 20:11:43

一点拙见，我作文很差，就看了前面2段，仅供参考。

楼主的CI和后面的推理过程有点让我觉得不严密，段落后面的句子好像没有完全支持到你句首的观点，略显空洞。

agja4096 · 发表于 2012-7-16 03:17:47

大肚婆帮顶

zikao022 · 发表于 2012-7-16 07:45:48

楼主，我以前对写作也是深恶痛绝，主要原因还是基础太差，单词量少不说，语法还都不会用，平常又几乎没练过，所以作文是最难的。以前看剑桥的范文，看不出什么门道，心想凭什么能得9分呢。后来我好好学习了一下语法，然后再看范文，就有感觉了。练习了几篇，也只是五六篇吧，然后找了一位abc朋友帮我看了看，他是在英国学法律专业的，还获得过伦敦高校辩论赛的冠军，所以英语水平应该超过大多数老外，要说有4个9也应该不过分。他的评价是达到了7分水平。我考试的时候就按照这种方法写，果不其然就得到了7分。而且当时小作文最后一句都没写完。
所以我的体会是不要想太多，模板、连接词、大词难词、观点说服力，等等，我觉得都不重要。最关键的是把想表达的意思顺畅的表达出来。你自己感觉写的顺畅了，别人读的也顺畅。老想着要造出文章来，读起来肯定别扭。
我把我的一篇练习贴上来吧。我相信坛子里很多朋友的作文水平都比我强很多。楼主凑合看看。我作文里面没有难词大词，也没有复杂的语法，也没有长句。你应该也可以看出来我的词汇量很有限。

我朋友的评价是：“Comments: This is a very good essay. I think it will get a 7. There are a lot of grammatical variations. Suggestions: try and use more synonyms (words with similar meanings) to demonstrate your vocabulary.”

Topic: 1. Some people think that secondary school students should study international news as one of their subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

As media has highly developed nowadays, international news are being covered more quickly and can travel wider than ever before. Some people suggest that secondary school students should study these news as one subject. Personally, I cannot fully support this idea.

Studying international news, with no doubt, can bring a few benefits to students. The information in these news is mostly the hotspot of global economy, politics and military, thus can help these teenagers to learn more about the present world. This can be useful especially for students who are studying geography and history, as they may find interesting stories and locations in these news. Another possible benefit could be giving the students a sense of the society.

However, the potential harms of studying these news are much greater. First of all, students in secondary school are generally aged between 12 to 15, which means they are too young to understand the international events. Those news are mostly highly complicated, and can be confusing even for a large number of adults. Therefore, students may find these studies complex and boring, which would be a waste of time. In the second place, secondary school students are very busy studying different subjects, such as language, math, science, history, art, etc. It is a crucial period for them to acquire knowledge, and more importantly to gain physical and mental development. Studying international news would not only take up their valuable studying time, but could also be depressing for these teenagers, as there are a great deal of war, violence and disaster involved in these news. Even with guidance, students could still be misled by those negative factors.

To sum up, although studying international news can possibly be beneficial for secondary school students, I still believe that it is more likely to be harmful to them. Students at this age should spend their time more on understanding fundamental subjects, instead of paying too much attention on complicated international events.

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[雅思杂谈] 雅思作文，你让我很伤痛。裸求提高写作水平的方法

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