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55#
发表于 2012-7-6 03:34:41
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来自： INNA
作文ID：20120622
题目：Some say that secondary school tend to spend less time on traditional subjects such as history and should spend more time on communication skill and business courses. To what extent do you agree or disagree with it? 题目结束
It is true that education has become a priority for the majority of students seeking to secure a bright future for their lives. In regard to the disciplines of secondary school, such as conventional course, communication techniques and business knowledge, I tend to agree that they are equally imperative for the young learners to acquire.
红色部分跟题目没有任何关系 ，自然对于得分也就没有关系。
文章第一段，一般来说有几个内容建议加入，点题（rephrase），介绍背景（但可有可无，目的是为了服务点题，算是润滑剂），给出观点（或者之后给出观点都可）。
On the one hand, there are many reasons to believe that traditional courses are indispensable necessities for secondary school students. First, these disciplines could foster the students to have the primary capacity of the literacy. For instance, learning local and foreign languages have the potential to further the young learners’ skills which enable them to use language fluently. Consequently, such reading, writing and listening skills are more likely to enrich their work and life. Second, the courses, like history and geography have higher likelihood of cultivating the youngsters to gradually appreciate of the sense of national pride. In particular, if the students could learn their countries historic heroes and marvelous landscape, they would deeply love their countries and spontaneously devote their lives to them after graduation.
注意你的linking word，连接词用的比较生硬，有点为了用而用的感觉。还有，中式英语比例大，不一定被扣分，不过容易产生很多语法错误。例如 these disciplines could foster the students to have the primary capacity of the literacy，是否可以考虑写成 these disciplines can help students to develop their level of the literacy.
当然我写的也不一定好，但是，也许，稍微，或许能少点中式英语的味道。这部分的练习可以进行中译英，英译中的练习。不过练习内容不要参照国内的作者，推荐新概念英语3册内容。经典。
On the other hand, some other majors also play a pivotal role in secondary school education. First of all, the communication skill has become a significant course for most students because such life skills could enormously dominate the social relationship and academic study of the students. In particular, without good communicative capability, the young learners could not acquire the academic knowledge from the educators and their peers efficiently and effectively. Meanwhile, awkward language skills may hinder the youths to establish friendship with their counterparts and adults. Moreover, secondary school students should learn the business courses since such knowledge has been one of the important employable skills for most school graduates. Therefore, secondary schools should considerably prioritize this course at the early age of the students.
In conclusion, it seems to me that the conventional courses, communicative skill and business courses are equally important for secondary school to gain as a whole, in terms of the significance of their considerable impacts on both the work and life of the youths.
你的结论，可能是由于审题的原因，没有回答出问题。人家问的是traditional和modern的subject的比较。你说呢？
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