作文求批改，我只要6分就行

秋日里的骄阳 · 发表于 2013-2-28 12:09:28

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考了几次都没上6，非常受打击。求狠批！先谢过大家了。

people prefer to go shopping in the supermarket rather than small shops and local markets. Why has this happened? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, there is a proliferation of huge supermarkets in big cities around the whole country. An increasing number of people prefer to go shopping in the supermarket rather small shops and local markets.

The reasons leading to such trend are obvious. Firstly, this is partly because the fact that the price of goods in supermarkets is more or less lower than the one in small shops, which is simply due to the economies of scale. The main cause is that the kind of goods provided by supermarkets is much more abundant than it in small shops, which caters some demands of many modern dwellers living in a very rapid pace. These citizens tend to buy all the daily necessities for the whole coming week at weekend. As a result, this kind of centralized purchase in turn contributes to the lower price of supermarkets.

In my opinion it is a positive development as a whole. As what I have mentioned above, supermarkets offer citizens a big convenience of buying all stuff needed in daily life and the lower price. Furthermore, a huge supermarket often leads to forming a wider comercial circle by attracting other types of business, such as Apple stores, restaurants, cinemas etc. At this level, the huge supermarkets are definitely significant to the economy of local area.

However, we cannot deny the fact that the popularity of big supermarkets negatively contributes to the development of small shops. Small shops are indispensable in our daily life. Buying a bag of salt from the very near small shop while cooking, for instance, is a kind of emergent case which cannot be avoided for many people.

In conclusion, I support the development of big supermarkets as a whole. They provide a lot of conveniences and benefits to the dwellers.

dxnck206 · 发表于 2013-2-28 21:38:49

1. 语法
2.用词
3.思路和审题
4. 第4段是废话
5. 论证方法和语言组织

秋日里的骄阳 · 发表于 2013-3-1 06:00:14

@ecust 能说得详细些么？我处于身在此山中的阶段，自己看看不出来

大碴子粥 · 发表于 2013-3-1 13:51:55

In present-days society, it is universally acknowledged that more people are willing to purchase goods from supermarkets instead of local stores or shops. This essay will analysis the root causes of this trend and draw a conclusion of whether or not it is a negative development.

The reasons of most individuals prefer to go shopping in superstores are mainly because of lower price and its convenience. Obviously, compared to soaring cost of local market, superstores do have big advantage of piecing. People usually will take a very serious consideration of it. To saving the costs, it is reasonable that customers are obsessed with supermarkets. Meanwhile, lacking of a rich variety of commodities is another huge drawback of small shops. As a case in point, people generally go shopping at weekends and buy various kind of necessities as supplements of a whole week. Thus, purchasing in superstores, manifestly, is very convenient. By Contrast, if customers brought goods from local market, it takes a long time and it is not convenience at all. Consequently, they have not been big fans of small shops.

However, the trend of less expenditure for consumptions in small shops or local markets is not a positive development due to two causes. Firstly, it strongly shocks individual markets. Since there are fewer customers buying goods in small shops, people who know the high-risk of running a personal business will withdrew their investments. Meanwhile, individuals who are operating small-scale stores will face a terrible crisis. The more important is that it is totally against the rules of marketing economy. Secondly, if small shops go out of business, not only the tax revenue of governments will be reduced, but the government will face a heavier burden of welfare payments as well. Therefore, it seems definitely not a positive development.

Given above arguments, it seems to me that supermarkets win customer favor because of lower price and its convenience. But owing to its huge disadvantages, indeed, it is not a positive development.

[雅思杂谈] 作文求批改，我只要6分就行

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