大家有空帮忙指点下我的这篇写作啊

康熙邓 · 发表于 2013-10-25 08:48:44

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从来没有让人看过，这几天只是在练笔，唉，现在写一篇耗时很长，手太生了～

大家有空帮忙指点一二，不甚感激～

Someone think children should attend extra classes after school, others disagree. Discuss both opinion and give your own view.

People have different views about the extra classes opened for children. While some people think children should not attend such classes, I personally agree children should selectively attend these classes after school.

On the one hand, there are several benefits of attending extra classes. Firstly, only schooling is far from enough, because it is unlikely for school to cover all knowledge or skills-such as arts appreciation ability, communication skills and so on. Therefore, extra classes could be a supplement to the school education and beneficial to broaden student's horizons. Secondly, attending extra classes allows children more opportunities to interact with their peers. They learn how to get along with others and other social abilities from these interactions which are believed to prepare children well for their future. Finally, children tend to show their talents at an early age, such as music and painting. Therefore, taking part in these classes would be helpful to explore their talents earlier and fulfil potentials better.

On the other hand, there are some concerns about these classes. Attending them can cause less time spent on studying regular subjects in the school, which sometimes could lead to a frustrating result on their scores of school curriculums. After all, these are the first priority for children. Another concern is that extra classes are usually arranged by parents who may not understand well about which classes suit their children. Consequently, children may end up with a waste of time if they are totally not interested in them. However, this issue could be addressed if parents pay much more attention on what children really want.

In conclusion, in spite of some drawbacks for attending extra classes, I however argue, because of more benefits it brings about, that it is necessary for children if they attend the right ones they are really interested in.

fdsfedufac4 · 发表于 2013-10-25 14:07:18

楼主这是要几分 7 ？的作文啊。  总共274个词，感觉你写作比我牛多了，虽然总是写英文邮件，但基本上都是查词霸啊。

感觉一开始可以说：

Today, many parents enroll extra classes for their children.  或者  It is very popular that many families enroll extra classes for their children.  这比一上来就结论要好，中文文章也要有个起始。

But there are different views for the benefits of the extra classes.  Some of the parents like to chose many extra classes based on their wishes. They think it is better that parents decide what to learn for their children. In there opinions, children is too young to know what they should learn. Some other families are democratic on the choose of the extra classes. So, there children could choose the extra classes what they like.  But a few parents does not want there children to join any extra classes. They want their children to focus on school work because the achievement test is the most important for a better higher school.

唉，查了好久词典，才写了这么短一段。  楼主加油，你写的很好，比我强多了。