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发表于 2011-12-5 21:48:36
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来自： INNA
A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities and cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
With the sweeping trend of globalization, countries increasingly frequently，有点拗口 interact with each other in economy, culture and politics. This mutual interaction would probably generate large flux of migrants among countries, which may bring significant impacts on local daily life and social development. This essay will argue that [countries the world over,有点拗口] would profit enormously from the mixture of nationalities and cultures although they should be confront[ed?要想拿7分以上，这类似的错误就不要犯] with some drawbacks as well. The reasons for my position are as follows. [总的来说，very good，篇幅上稍微长了一点点，如果能更精练些更好了]
Obviously, both [nations->domestic economy,更好？] and local citizens [and前后部分与主体段里相应的论述次序是不一致的，这个最好避免] will->would benefit from multi-culture and globalization. To begin with, people who live with many foreigners may experience more cultures, customs, festivals and religions than those who only communicate to native residents. These experiences [definitely->are likely to] enrich their entertainments in spare time, which would make their lives more stimulating and colorful. One particular salient example of cultural diversity is Christmas Day of western countries. People from eastern countries these days could also spend it together, sharing happiness and fun with families and friends. Moreover, nations with mixed nationalities and cultures are probably more competitive associated with the fact that international trades and communication with foreigners require a deeply mutual understanding. As a result, more connection to person of various nationalities may frequently promote the social development eventually.
Admittedly, this phenomenon has brought some negative impacts on the society as well, but it is still under control. Firstly, some historical traditions or customs would disappear gradually as the cultural assimilation, and it may cause ethnic conflicts because of communication barriers between different nationalities. More serious is eroding local values, thus native culture seems to lose its dominant roles finally. Nonetheless, these problems could probably be [addressed->tackled] or avoided by correct guidance and stringent control of the authorities. At the meantime, people are also advised to enhance their ability of justice in order to reject the dross and assimilate the essence.
[By way of conclusion->In conclusion，简洁明了], it is the mixed nationalities and cultures that make it,前后2个it，不是很好。这个句子不够自然了 possible for persons to live more interesting and countries to develop more quickly. Although there are still several potential threatens to social development, a mixed population structure really deserves recommendation.
由于结尾段还没来得及推出。。。这里先简单介绍下吧：
In conclusion/To sum up/To conclude/In summary, although xxx， yyy （主体段的总结，同义转换，最好show一下你这方面很行）. Therefore/As a result/Thus/Consequently, zzz (essay观点重申，同义转换，similarly，最好show一下你这方面很行). [All in all, #%$#%@$%. 如果有信心有能力，那么在这里展望一下未来、合理延伸你的观点等等]
以上是结尾段的最基本的写法。
总的来说，这篇作文写得不错了，小作文好好写，你一定可以考出理想的分数的。Bless～
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发表于 2011-12-4 23:08:48
