泽马浪人
发表于 2010-6-6 16:39:21
是啊，头一次录说到young men use fashion as culture carrier就卡住了，时间也没说够，就重录。没想到越重录越说不好，折腾了半天。
看来我的水平还停留在短句，简单词汇，反正能把意思表达清楚就成。再次觉得有必要找外教练练。
泽马浪人
发表于 2010-6-7 03:47:33
我根本就不认得这个词，结果直接给忽略过去了，写成northern and coastal
原句是 the south african ball-rolling species, being a sub-tropical beetle, prefers the climate of northern and coastal new south wales where....
花开一世香
发表于 2010-6-7 05:55:03
是的^^ 慎小嶷的
竹海的
发表于 2010-6-7 11:17:41
嗯，不错呢，比上一次的好多了 ：）
不过这个明显听出来是准备的极为充分的情况下录的，包括用词语速之类的，但是临场考试的时候更加要注意的是应变，千万不能紧张，如果随时能发挥到这种水准的话，基本上就不用担心什么了，呵呵。
另外随便挑挑刺，unique是形容词，你应该说uniqueness，这种词性的问题和我上次说的动词形态的问题一样，平时都要多注意点，日子就能就会发自本能的正确使用了。
泽马浪人
发表于 2010-6-7 12:02:10
谢谢鼓励哈！
泽马浪人
发表于 2010-6-7 14:17:20
这可是花了32大洋改的作文，这种批改值吗？
IELTS TASK 2
When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
With the fast development of modern technology, the concerns over the fading-away of the traditional skills and life style have risen. More and more people argue that we should try to protect and keep them alive. However leaving the decision to history may be a better choice.
It’s true that conventional skills and old life style have lasted for centuries. To some extent, they have become part of our culture and hard to abandon. Some of them, for example traveling by horse wagon, compared with modern techniques, such as car, are more environment-friendly. In addition, some of the unique skills, like those in arts, are not replaceable by machines.
Despite of all the mentioned advantages, we cannot deny their negative effects. Traditional skills and ways of life are relatively inefficient. They’re time consuming and not cost –effective. That’s the key reason why they cannot beat the new technology . History tells us that it is a natural process for new technology to replace the older technology . Iron tools replaced stone, architecture replaced caves with houses. With paper, we don’t need to write on leaves anymore and the telephone facilitates a live conversation thousands miles away. The evolution of technology is unavoidable and in this civilization only strongest survives.
To conclude, I believe that history will make the right choice. Only those that stand the test of time can escape the fate of dying out.
Rating: 6
Suggestions: I like your arguments. There are some problems with vocabulary, unnecessary phrases and redundancy as indicated in the comments. There are only a couple of sentences that need to be re-ordered to make them easier to read.
RBW Jun 2, '10, 9:18 PM
Redundant - saying “beat” and “in the competition”.
By using “newer” you can contrast it with “older”.
You could say “replaces” or “supplants”
I moved this phrase to the front because it saves the reader from waiting to the end of the
Talk or conversation implies “with a person” so it is redundant to include the obvious… we hold conversations with persons.
原文如下：
With the fast development of modern technology, the concerns over the fading-away of the traditional skills and life style have risen. More and more people argue that we should try the best to protect and keep them alive. However leaving the decision to the history may be a better choice.
It’s true that those conventional skills and old life style have been lasting for centuries. To some extent, they have become part of our culture and hard to abandon. Some of them, for example travelling by horse wagon, compared with the modern techniques, such as car, are more environment-friendly. In addition, some of the unique skills, like those in arts, are not replaceable by machine.
Despite of all the mentioned advantages, we cannot deny their negative effects. Traditional skills and way of life are usually slow. They’re time consuming and not cost –effective. That’s the key reason why they cannot beat the new technology in the competition. The history tells us that advanced technology drives away the elementary one is a natural process. Iron tools replaced the stone one; architecture made people move from the cave to house; with paper, we don’t need to write on leaves anymore; telephone facilitate the live talk with a person thousands miles away. The replacement is a fate and not avoidable. In another word, this is the civilization where only stronger survives.
To conclude the debate, I believe that history will make the right choice. Only those that stand the test of time can escape the fate of dying out.
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gtfnqjjd
发表于 2010-6-7 22:30:00
标准4段式。
泽马浪人
发表于 2010-6-8 01:30:43
你真快，刚才还没贴完呢，哈哈。
hussau98tq
发表于 2010-6-8 11:26:40
哎哟，比我那时候花30块钱让环球雅思批的强多了。。。
环球雅思给我的是两篇一起批，两篇加在一起的评语还没你这一篇的多呢。。。而且巨不准，我把考试的那篇默写过去他给了我个5.5，结果最后我拿了7分。。。为了这个我还专门写信过去把他们骂了一通呢。。。
泽马浪人
发表于 2010-6-8 14:08:23
哈哈，人家说的是写的越好的评语越少，你是大牛啊，所以少罗。我还觉得这个评得太少了，活活。。。回头想再问问老师，这改完的能得7分不？
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