本人第一次上传作文，请各位批改和给点意见！
本人第一次参加雅思考试，几乎都没考好，写作也考的很差，在这里希望练习写作，望请帅哥美女们帮忙看看，我自己用铅笔写了下，现在发到论坛里；<br />
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题目： 许多人认为电脑(computers)给我们带来的弊端(disadvantage)比优势(advantage)多，你是否同意整个观点，给出你的理由。<br />
Some people blame that the computer has brought us more disadvantage than benefits, but i believe it benefited us more.<br />
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Some people suggest that the computers have brought us more disadvantage than benefits, they also point to that some of students in university use the computers play games for many hours almost every day, sometimes casuing their health. However they need to relise that they are forcusing on a small minority of people. Most people use the computers for their society and companies, they also use the computer for their trade. The computer makes them contact with their loved ones when they are studying, working or travelling abroad.<br />
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Some people also point out that the computer can be used for criminal purposes. For example, the identity theft is becoming a major problme when they are make purchase online, it also take place when people supply their confidential informations. Althought the bank and companies have invested a lot of time and moneny in security system to prevent problems. the identity theft also take place when the people make a response to their spam E-mail.<br />
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To conclude, the computer's benefits is denpending on the way we use them, we are surpposed to use them sensibly and take full advantage of the posibilities and benefits they provide.
words 214
基本字数都不达标
some people ......
据说这样的写法不地道，貌似很多都可以改为 it is ..... 十天里有谈到，网上也有文章提到过
It is imagined that...人们认为……
It can not be denied that...不可否认……
It will be seen from this that...由此可知……
It should be realized that...必须认识到……
It is (always) stressed that...人们(总是)强调……
我也是准备期，共同讨论，不敢指导，咱们一起学习交流哦
Task Response 4 / 5
Coherence and Cohesion 4 / 5
Lexical Resource 4
Grammatical Range and Accuracy 4
overall 4 / 4.5
************************************** Here is what I wrote:
Past few decades have seen an exponential growth in the availability of computers in our daily life. Yet, there still exists some dispute as to weather the overall effect of this new technology has been positive or not. I personally agree that the widespread of computers, if well managed, would engender much more benefits than drawbacks in terms of instant communication and informative contents.
For one thing, it is an irrefutable fact that the massive adoption of computers has fundamentally revolutionized the ways we communicate with others. Despite the risk of 'social isolation', a common phenomenon normally occurring amid those spending too much time sitting in front of a computer rather than involving in real social activities, most of us are largely benefited from that convenient and efficient communication methods when keeping in touch with our acquaintances.
Another aspect, equally important, is that computers could provide us endless information to cater for our different purposes. Academic writing, for example, more often than not, would be a time consuming task in the old days due to the lack of available resources. However, nowadays, assisted by computers, a researcher could be granted plenty of useful information and templates that would boost the efficiency and enhance the productivity. In spite of this, we could not deny that some basic skills, such as hand writing, would be influenced and experience recession if overly depending on computers.
By way of conclusion, I would reaffirm my position that given the massive adoption of computers these days, the positive points would be outweighing its negative aspects, if well organized and properly thought out, especially in promoting instant mutual communication and providing informative up-to-date contents.
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谢谢，互相指导交流，看来我需要买本雅思写作教材了！
读起来的确不太达标，各个方面。
不知道这个拼写问题是因为电脑上打字而产生的，还是你实际就是这么写的
这个作文在5.5-6分之间吧。 多替换，少错误，7分并不是很难
楼主的作文是需要再接再厉，主题段开门见山。但是写自己的论点的段落的主题句不知所云。你是要说自己的观点，不是说别人的观点。要说别人的观点在第一段稍稍带过就行了。主要说自己的观点，所以不能some people, some people。首先要学会如何组织文章的结构，如何布局文章，说明观点。可以看看小姨子的十天写作。
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