请高人帮忙平下作文，看看能打几分啊？
请高人帮忙评下作文，看看能打几分啊？也好评估下自己的水平，先行拜谢~<br />
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小作文：<br />
Dear Sir or Madam, <br />
I am writing this letter to you as I am hearing there is a project established by you which need assistance, and the project is aiming to resolve some environment problems. I always believe that environment plays a very important role in our common life so I would like to support you in the following ways. <br />
The first point I can help is to collect environment data in our district as I have been lived there for more than 10 years, that means I am very familiar with this area. The second point that I can provide assistance is to do the environment data analyse because I am a software engineer and maniputlating related anylyse software is my strong point. The last point that I can help in this project is I am a very friendly and welcoming people and you will be very happly to cooperate with me. <br />
I will be available from next month, to be exactly, 2012/12/21. <br />
If you have any questions, pls do not hesitate to contact with me. <br />
I look forward to hearing your feedback in the near future. <br />
<br />
Yours faithfully,<br />
ＸＸＸ<br />
<br />
<br />
大作文：<br />
Nowadays more and more counties choose to spend a lot of money to celebrate their public holidays, some people challenged this because they thought these money should be spent on other more valuable projects, from my point of view, the celebration of the public holidays is worth the money and it can be proved by the following points. <br />
The first point is that people is emotional breeds so what they need are not only physical materials but aslo soul stuffs, and the public holidays represent a period of unforgettable time for the people, as consequce the people in this country will hold some celebration ceremony to memorize this important momories. <br />
The second point is although the celebrations for the public holidays will cost a huge amount of money, there will be a varity of relevent business firms that can benefit a lot of from this. And the employee in these firms can enhance their living standards because of the profits that gained from the celebrations. At the same time, very successful celebrations can make the country enjoy a more famous reputation in the whole world, as a result, this can attract more visitors from other countriies and this will assist this country’s tourism with nodoubt. <br />
The further point that need to be discussed about the celebration is it motivates innovations. Obviously to hold the celebrations need a sort of different machines and technologies, and several related industries will invent a lot of new technologies to satisfy the demands of celebrations. <br />
At last, it is very necessary to cosider why there are so many people blame these celebrations? The main reason is they believe there are more urgent situations that need the more than the celebrations, but in a healthy developed society, there will lese possiblity for these accidents. <br />
In conclusion, when the government make plans about how to spend their money, there should be some criterions existing, but in healthy societies, the costs for the public holidays celebrations are essential.
总的来说挺好，
没批过雅思作文，说不好给几分，但以我多年批高考作文和托福作文29分的经验来说，要注意的最重要一点是坚决不能有语法错误，你的有明显语法错误，而且时态很乱。按照高考和四级评分标准，这些就让你的分数降低到二等以下了。而恰恰这些是最容易避免的。丢分很不值得。
对雅思不太了解，说得不一定对
看像6分一下水平。大作文里，的第一句就决定了你最多6分，后面的错误把你从6拖向低分。有些词太普通了，毕竟不是口语，是学术。
a lot of, money
感谢楼上~~可以说的更细致一点么？比如具体指出的语法错误在哪吗？水平有限，自己看不出来啊
简单的看了下小作文，指出一些问题：
1.语法要注意，例如：have been lived 那里应该是have been living，因为你现在还在住。
2.老外的日期标注是：日／月／年
3.请不要用缩写，例如pls.
内容问题不大但文章的这些细节必须留意。希望楼主拿个好成绩。
task 2
5 ~ 5.5
Task Achievement ？ 不知道你的题目是什么，无法判断
Coherence and Cohesion 5 ~ 5.5 你不会断句
Lexical Resource 5.5 ~ 6 用词太普通
Grammatical Range and Accuracy 5 ~ 5.5 简单句太多，而且语法错误
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中文的培训教材总是教学生用最简单的结构，一二三，恨不得用bullet points, lz的两篇小文结构连词全都用的是一二三，这样做的后果就是文章读起来特别枯燥，结构分基本上只能拿中等偏下。要想总分高，除非用词极准，逻辑极严密。要知道他们之所以这么教是方便他们自己上课写书，他们不可能教每个学生一个特殊的组织结构，所以这一点lz还是不能偷懒，哪怕用furthermore这样的普通词也能增色不少。要是实在觉得贫乏，干脆你就不要用结果连词，都比用1st, 2ndly,强。（个人观点 仅供参考）
小作文：
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing ("waiting for" or "awaiting") this letter to(from?) you as I am hearing (heard) there is a project established by you which needs assistance ("a project you established needs assistance" is smoother), and the project is aiming to resolve some environment problems. I always believe that environment plays a very important role in our common(daily?) life, so I would like to support you in the following ways.
The first point I can help is to collect environment data in our(my?) district as I have been lived(living) there for more than 10 years, that(. It) means I am very familiar with this area (This is obvious and no need to say). The second point that I can provide assistance (duplicated. Can be removed) is to do the environment data analyse(use noun "analysis" or gerund "analyzing") because I am a software engineer and maniputlating("using" is better. "Manipulate software" sounds weird to me) related anylyse(use "analysis". wrong spelling) software is my strong point. The last point that I can help in this project is I am a very friendly and welcoming people and(too many and. ". I believe you will ...") you will be very happly to cooperate with me.
I will be available from next month, to be exactly, 2012/12/21.
If you have any questions, pls do not hesitate to contact with me.
I look forward to hearing your feedback in the near future.
Yours faithfully,
ＸＸＸ
大作文：
Nowadays more and more counties choose to spend a lot of money to celebrate their public holidays, some(. Some) people challenged this because they thought these(this) money should be spent on other more valuable projects, from(. From) my point of view, the celebration of the public holidays is worth the money and it can be proved by the following points.
The first point is that people is emotional breeds so what they need are not only physical materials but aslo soul stuffs, and the public holidays represent a period of unforgettable time for the(I think it should be no "the". Even "them" may be better) people, as consequce("as a consequence". But here "in this way" is better) the people in this country will hold some celebration ceremony(ies) to memorize this(these) important momories.
The second point is although the celebrations for the public holidays will cost a huge amount of money, there will be a varity of relevent business firms that can benefit a lot of("get a lot of benefit". Check how to use benefit as a verb) from this. And the employees in these firms can enhance their living standards because of the profits that gained from the celebrations. At the same time, very successful celebrations can make the country to enjoy a more famous reputation in the whole world, as(. As) a result, this can attract more visitors from other countriies and this(duplicated subject) will assist this country’s tourism with nodoubt.
The further point that need to be discussed about the celebration is that it motivates innovations. Obviously to hold the celebrations needs a sort of different machines and technologies, and several related industries will invent a lot of new technologies to satisfy the demands of celebrations.
At last, it is very necessary to cosider why there are so many people blame these celebrations? The main reason is they believe there are more urgent situations that need the more than the celebrations, but in a healthy(healthily) developed society, there will be lese possiblity for these accidents.
In conclusion, when the government makes plans about how to spend their(the subject "gov" is singular, here should not use "their". "spend money" is OK) money, there should be some criterions existing(no need), but in healthy societies, the costs for the public holidays celebrations are essential.
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1. 注意句号和连词的使用。如果句子间逻辑清楚，可以不用连词。
2. 单复数，动词-s, -es变化
3. 从句太多。逻辑复杂的修饰，用从句；否则考虑用短语修饰。
4. 一些动词（如benefit）和短语（如as a consequence）的用法不对
5. 个人感觉：啰嗦话比较多，有些显而易见的逻辑就不用写出来了。
6. 注意拼写
语法就看出这些了，至于搭配、结构、表达和内容就看自己的了。
本人能力有限，仅供LZ参考
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上面有人说5到5。5，我倒觉得没那么差。
不知道雅思评分标准，不敢随便说，但我记得我托福作文用的句式没比你的高级，只是确保没语法错误，还得了29